Letters To Emily
by dvmcas1
Summary: Naomi Campbell is dreading spending a whole summer in Bristol, looking after her sick grandfather. However, Emily Fitch might just be the one person to pull her out of her shell and make her want to stay.Bad Summary but its basically an AU Naomily story
1. Chapter 1

**Letters To Emily:**

**Naomi's POV**

"Fucking hell."

Mom turns away from the dripping windshield to look at me, "What's wrong, love?"

"Fucking Bristol? This place looks like shit…boring mindless. Could you have picked a more shit place for me to spend my summer?"

Mom reaches over to touch my hand but I pull away, fumbling for another cigarette. My hand is shaking as I flick the lighter.

"You know that I didn't pick this, Naomi. Your grandfather really needs our help right now. He just got out of the hospital and that heart attack took a lot out of him. All we have to do is spend a few months with him to make sure he's ok."

I blow the smoke out of my cracked lips, relishing the burn in my lungs. I look out at the town, after living in London for all of my life, it looks fucking pathetic. The rain had washed over everything, leaving only gray in its path. Each bleary drop that splashes against my reflection, reminds me of how pathetic my life has become. My mom taps a beat on the steering wheel and begins humming a song. I roll my eyes at her and turn back to my window. She is still trying to pretend that everything is ok. Everyone else might be fooled but not me. Only I knew that after Dad left, she'd spent about six months curled up in her room, sobbing. I'd learned how to take care of myself. I'd learned how to be independent. My dad had left me and then my mom had chosen to shrink into herself. I'd realized then that I couldn't depend on anyone but myself.

Now it was a year after Dad left and Mom had started to come out of her shell. She was trying to bring me closer and to become my mother again but I wasn't going to have it. She wasn't there when I really needed her to be my mom. Now she expected me to be there for her…in this fucking town.

I close my eyes and let the miles pass me by. This summer is going to be horrible. I didn't have any friends in London, didn't need them. But I am probably going to miss the parties, drugs, and boys that were there. They were great painkillers for my life.

My mom clears her throat and I become aware that we are stopping. I open my eyes to see a gray, ramshackle house. Grandpa Walt's house. I hadn't been here since I was about six years old. It had looked much bigger then. Grandma Susan had always made sure there were flowers planted outside. Now the yard was just a flat muddy slab with sprigs of grass still trying in vain to flourish. Mom pulls open the car door and steps out, quickly. I know that it's hard for her to return here. My grandparents had never approved of her hippy, bra burning, activist lifestyle. In fact Mom and Grandma Susan had a huge row and Mom ran away with Dad. Grandma Susan died a few years ago and Mom had finally gotten up the courage to make up with Grandpa Walt at the funeral.

Things were still strained but Mom assured me that family was family and we had to take care of Grandpa in his time of need. Me…I always remember Grandpa Walt as something of an ogre. When I was six he was huge and crotchety and he would yell at me for playing in the house.

Mom motions through the window for me to come on. "Bloody hell," I mutter. I open my door and step out. I toss my cigarette down and watch as it fizzles in a puddle that covers the asphalt. I see the red tip fade away and feel a certain kinship with it. That little spark is being drowned until the fire inside is going to go out.

"Naomi…get a move on."

I join my mom on the front walk to the house and we both look up at the house that will be a home for the next three months. Mom quickly knocks on the door and I hear a gruff voice shout out, "Jesus, Gina, it's where you used to fucking live, just come in!"

Mom tenses and I can tell this is hard on her. I want to reach out and touch her shoulder but I make my hand stay by my side. Suck it up, Mum. We've all got Daddy issues to deal with.

She opens the door and pushes her way back into her old life. I hear her suck in a sharp breath and I immediately know why. The house is a fucking mess. Grandma Susan would roll over in her grave if she knew her house looked like this. There are books stacked on almost every available surface. I can see cobwebs spreading their silky fingers around corners in the ceiling. The air inside is hot and stifling.

Suddenly I become aware of an old man standing in a doorway watching us. I can understand why I missed him in my first scan of the room. His skin is papery like the books that pile up on the chairs. He looks dirty himself and I can't tell if it's just his age or actual dirt. He's faded somehow…like an old carpet. His back is hunched and he's leaning heavily on a wooden cane. Is this Grandpa Walt? He looks so frail, not the huge, scary man I remember.

Mom turns and sees him too and she seems to freeze. Grandpa Walt scans her with eyes that are hidden behind dirty glasses. Mom takes a tentative step towards him but he lets out a harsh cough.

"Bloody late in the afternoon it is. I expected you well before tea."

I see Mom searching for something to say, "Well…traffic…."

He interrupts, "Well I ate the muffins but there should be some tea left in the kitchen. Time for my nap, though so don't bother me. Your rooms are upstairs, pick which one you like, I don't give a damn."

With that he shuffles off towards the stairs and I see that my mom is struggling to hold it together. She idly picks up a book and dusts off the front cover. I can see her eyes glisten with unshed tears and I need a fucking cigarette.

Grandpa Walt suddenly stops walking and my mom and I both freeze. I don't know what to expect from this crazy old man. He turns his head just a bit so I can see his angular profile.

"I'm glad…Well…It's good to have you back, Gina. Naomi. Good to have you both." He shuffles out of the room. A small smile crosses Mom's lips and she turns to me.

"I'm going to tidy up a bit, love. Why don't you get our stuff from the car?"

I consider telling her no but then again I need to go get my cigarettes out of my purse anyway.

I walk back out to the car and pull my bag from the front seat. I sit down on the curb, not really caring when water soaks through my skirt as I light up another cigarette. I survey the neighborhood and notice that almost all the houses are nicer than this one. They all have neat little lawns and cute shuttered windows. It makes me want to puke. I understand for the first time why Mom ran away with Dad. This place seems full of weeds that want to reach up and choke the life out of you. This seems like a place full of dead ends that suck people into normal little lives that lead nowhere except to two kids, a mortgage, a day job, and perhaps early retirement if you're lucky.

Suddenly, the front door of the house directly across from Grandpa Walt's swings open and a girl steps out the front door. I blow out smooth stream of smoke and watch her through the tendrils of gray. She's quite beautiful. Her hair is a dark red that's not normally found in nature. She's got a little bow fixed in it which makes her look about ten years old. On the other hand her lips and the way her hips sway tell me that she's not as innocent as she may seem…and if she is it's a fucking shame.

She's carting a huge bag out to the car that is waiting on the curb. I watch as she strains to lift it into the boot. I want to go help her for some reason but I stay seated. Her cheeks turn red and with a final grunt she heaves the bag into the car. That's when it happens.

Her head turns my way and I can't even pretend I wasn't watching her. Her eyes lock onto mine and stare into me. She's pinned me with her gaze and all I can do is stare back. Her eyes are a nice chocolaty brown, comforting. A slight smile touches her lips and it reaches across to me as well. So here I am sitting on a bloody curb, my cigarette burning to ashes in my hand, water soaking through to my bum, and I smile at her.

The moment is broken by a loud voice from inside the girl's house, "Emily! Fucking get a move on. I still got another bag in here!"

The girl jerks towards the house and without a backwards glance walks back towards it, like a little wind up toy. I drop my cigarette into the same puddle as before and get up to go get my shit out of the car.

The girl comes out again but this time she's carrying a smaller bag and she's followed by a sluttier version of herself. I blink in surprise. Twins? They must be because they look exactly the same. But entirely different at the same time.

The second one is dressed in a leopard print skirt that is way too short. She's got her hair done in curls whereas the other girl's hair is straight. A greasy looking guy follows them outside and slaps the slutty twin on the ass and she giggles loudly. I see the girl roll her eyes as she slings the last bag into the boot.

The guy lets go of the twin and grips the other girl's arm. She looks at him with disgust but he chuckles, "You sure, you can't come, Ems? The lads are always down with the twin thing. Eh hehehe."

I repress a shiver at exactly the same time as the girl does. His laugh is bloody creepy. She pulls her arm from his grip and just rolls her eyes at him.

He laughs again and gets into the car. He starts it and the slutty twin hops into the passenger seat. I see the girl step back from the curb and she watches the car as it slowly pulls away.

I see her brush a tear from her eye but just then the car slams on its brakes a few feet from the house. The other twin hops out of the passenger side and runs towards the girl. They embrace and I see that the one who I assumed was just a slutty bitch has tears in her eyes.

"It's only a few weeks, Ems. I'll be back before you know it." With that she turns and runs back to the car. The other girl hugs herself and watches the car as it rounds the corner and disappears.

She looks back over at me and I can see she's definitely crying. She gives a small wave and I wave back. I want her to come over. I want to know her name. I want to know why she's crying. Honestly…I want to know everything about her.


	2. Chapter 2

*A/N: Wow I honestly am blown away by all the positive feedback the first chapter has gotten. Thanks so much you guys for reading and reviewing. Being that reviews are my creative fuel, I wrote another chapter already…hope you enjoy it too.*

**Letter's To Emily: Chapter 2**

**Emily's POV**

I wipe a few tears from my eyes as I watch Danny's car turn the corner and carry Katie away from me. I'll miss her more than I'd like to admit. True, she can be a bit manipulative and a bit controlling sometimes. Actually, sometimes when I'm around her I feel just like an extension of Katie…like I'm not my own person at all. But Katie is complicated. Everyone could see the popular, bitchy girl but only I get to see insecure Katie and loving Katie.

I turn around, hoping to see the girl that was watching me earlier and sure enough there she is. Before when I saw her it was like my heart and time stopped for a few moments. Just the way that her eyes seemed to stare into my soul was enough to make my heart flutter.

Right now she's leaning up against her car, still looking at me. She looks incredibly bored, suave, and beautiful. I give her a small wave and she waves back.

I step off the curb and start walking across the street to her. I can't believe I'm doing this, going over to a stranger. I'm usually incredibly shy and Katie does all the talking for us. But this girl seems to demand courage from me.

She looks at me curiously as I approach her and I feel a blush rising in my cheeks. Damn it, Emily! Keep it together.

I open my mouth and instead of saying something devilishly clever, I blurt, "Hey…Emily."

She smiles a bit at how idiotic I must look, "Hey, I'm Naomi."

"Cool," I murmur, still feeling like a twat. She raises her eyebrows at me probably wondering what the fuck I want. I fumble around for something to say and finally settle on, "Can I have one?" I point at her cigarettes and she immediately pulls one out and hands it to me.

I put it up to my lips, not even sure why I'm doing this. I have smoked before but I don't usually smoke cigarettes. Naomi pulls a lighter out of her bag and flicks the flame out for me.

I lean forward with my hands cupped around the tip of the cigarette. Her hands gently brush mine as she lights it for me. I think two flames light up at once. Her skin left a burning fire on the back of my hand as I slowly pull away. I lean back against the car next to her and take a drag. I struggle not to cough as the smoke invades my lungs.

Naomi pulls out another cigarette and she reaches over and plucks mine from my lips. I love the feeling of her being so close, even if it is just for a second. Jesus! I have never been this attracted to someone before and I just met this girl.

She holds the end up to hers to light it and then reaches back over to place my cigarette back between my lips.

She settles back against the car and now her bare arm is grazing mine. I swallow hard and pull in another drag of the cigarette. I look over at her profile and find myself entranced with her. Her blonde hair is almost white as it falls strand by strand over her forehead. She flicks her head back so that her hair is out of her face. Her skin looks incredibly soft and I want to reach out and touch her cheek. As if she can read my thoughts Naomi glances over at me and offers up a sly smile.

Knowing that she's caught me ogling her I try to cover it up, "So…are you moving here?"

She snorts and shakes her head, "Fuck no. My grandfather is sick so my mom and I have come to stay the summer."

I blow out a steady stream of smoke, wondering if it looks half as cool or sexy as when she does it. "So, where are you from then?"

"London. I wish I was back there now. I bet there's nothing to do in this town. Am I right?"

I look around the quiet neighborhood and I'm forced to agree with her. Sure there are parties but it always seems to be the same people over and over again. The same shit, the same drugs, the same…always.

Naomi turns a bit towards me, "So…Emily. What do you do for fun around here?"

What do I do for fun around here? I know what Katie does on her weekends because that's what I do too but I don't necessarily have fun. "Umm…Katie goes out on the weekends. She knows everyone and gets invited to parties. I guess I just tag along."

One of Naomi's perfectly shaped eyebrows rises at me, "Well, I'm glad Katie has a good time but I asked what you do for fun."

I feel a blush rise in my cheeks but I know that she's not being mean. Her voice sounds like she really wants to know the answer. It kind of surprises me that someone wants to know about my life. I usually just fade in the background and float along.

I hear a woman's voice shout from inside the house that Naomi is staying in, "Naomi! Bring those bags in!"

Naomi sighs, "Fuck it." She flicks her cigarette onto the damp ground and turns around to go inside. I watch her walk away and instantly miss her company. She gets halfway up the walk before she turns around and says, "Hey Emily. Try to have some fun for yourself, you only get one life, you know? See you around."

She starts to walk away again but I screw up my courage and call after her, "Naomi. There is a party…tonight. It's my friend Cook's birthday. He's a bit crazy so it should at least be eventful. If…umm…if you wanted to go with me."

She looks at me and bites her lip. I immediately decide it's the cutest and most adorable thing I've ever seen anyone do. She glances back to the house and then back at me, almost as if she's weighing her options.

"Come on, Naomi. You're stuck in Bristol for now…might as well enjoy it. You only get one life. "

She smiles at me repeating her words back to her, "Alright, Emily. I'm going to go unpack but come back later, say around 8 and we'll go to your party."

With that she turns and disappears into the dark house but not without throwing one last smile over her shoulder at me.

I fight the really strong urge to do a dance right there in the street next to her car. I've just gotten a fucking beautiful girl to agree to go to a party with me. I flick my cigarette next to Naomi's and start walking back over to my house.

I glance back over my shoulder at her house and smile. My cell phone vibrates in my pocket startling me a little bit.

I open the front door to my house and walk inside, answering my phone.

"Oi, Jay…what's up?"

"Oh…Hi Emily…I didn't know if you were going to answer because it had gotten to the third ring and statistically speaking there is a less than 25% percent chance that you'll answer after the third ring. That isn't a national emphasis mind you…just simply made from my own deductions which are stipulated entirely on the ratio in which you answer the phone…"

I laugh as he continues his rant about the percentage of telephones being answered. J.J., Jeremiah Jones, and I have been friends ever since we were kids. He was really my only friend. I was always kind of pushed aside by Katie ever since we were little and J.J. was the only person that took the time to get to know me. He has problems relating to other people because they tend to make fun of him. He gets "locked on" which basically means rants and sometimes he has trouble moving during those periods. He also can't eat chocolate because he's severely allergic and it causes him to go into anaphylactic shock. However, J.J. is also sweet, kind, and funny. He's easy to talk to and he really listens to you. He's also the only person that knows I'm gay. Not even Katie knows that one. I'm pretty sure that she'd have a shit fit.

J.J is still rambling and I have to interrupt him, "J.J, I think you're getting locked on."

He halts in mid-sentence and I can almost hear the gears in his mind turning, "Oh, sorry Ems. I wanted to see if you were going to Cook's birthday festivities tonight."

I smiled, "Actually Jay, I am."

"Really? I mean not that I don't want you to come because I totally do. It's just well…you've never particularly warmed to Cook and with Katie out of town I just figured you might not be coming."

"Yeah Jay, I'm coming."

"Well…what time should I come round to get you? I don't want you walking by yourself at night; pretty girl like yourself."

I smile at how thoughtful my friend is, "Actually J.J. I'm bringing someone with me."

"Oh," he sounds shocked and I guess he has a right to be. I don't usually meet new people and much less invite them to parties.

"Yeah, her name is Naomi. She's staying across the street for the summer. Oh my God J.J. she is so gorgeous."

"Oh, so you like her then? This is new. As I recall you haven't actually found a girl to like since you had a crush on Tea in fourth grade."

I moan, "J.J. we promised never to bring Tea up again. Like ever. Listen, this girl, Naomi, is great. I can't wait for you to meet her. I got to go though J.J. I'm going to look through all my clothes that Katie hasn't stolen and see if I can find something I don't look completely shit in."

"Emily you always look beautiful. I'll see you at the party though with your new girlfriend."

"She's not my girlfriend…yet. Well see you Jay."

I hang up the phone and run to my closet to search for an outfit. I need to look great tonight. I haven't been this excited in a long time and I can't wait to see Naomi again.


	3. Chapter 3

***A/N: You guys are still completely AWESOME with all these reviews! Remember reviews=creative fuel…more reviews, more creative juices flowing, more updates.***

**Letters To Emily: Chapter 3**

**Naomi's POV:**

I sigh at my reflection in the mirror as I try on the fourth outfit in a row. All of my clothes are wrinkled from spending quite some time in my suitcase. I don't even know why I am stressing so much about going out. It kind of felt like calm, cool, collected Naomi had flown out the door as soon as Emily had looked at me.

I smile, remembering how flustered and cute she had been when she'd tried to talk to me. She seemed so unconfident and insecure but I could also sense a quiet strength underneath the limits she put herself under. Whatever Emily was, she definitely wasn't weak.

I hear a strangled sounding musical bell. The doorbell. Emily is here. My mom calls, "Naomi, someone is here for you!"

I pull at my skirt one last time and struggle to make my hair look decent. It's a fucking lost cause. I sigh at my reflection and leave the room to walk downstairs. Emily is standing at the bottom and she looks up at me as I come to the top of the stairs.

I take her in with one look but then I have to look again. She's wearing a dark red skirt with tights, ballet flats, and a black lacy shirt. A smile spreads across her face as she sees me starting down the stairs. I have to look away from her and at my feet because I'm afraid I might trip if I don't get rid of this dizzy feeling that's suddenly made my head spin.

I swallow hard to clear the lump that's in my throat, "Hey there, Emily."

"Hey, yourself." Her eyes stare into mine for a moment I forget that my mother is in the room, I forget that I hate it here, I forget that I'm Naomi Campbell because right now there is only the red-head standing in front of me and there are only the brown eyes that are slowly melting me by degrees.

My mom clears her throat and I shake my head gently to clear my mind. What the fuck is happening? I gesture towards my mom, "Emily, this is Gina Campbell…my mom…obviously."

Emily holds out a hand for my mom to shake and I find myself wondering who really does that anymore but my mom shakes her hand, "Hi, Mrs. Campbell…I'm Emily Fitch. I live across the road."

As they are exchanging pleasantries about the weather and the neighbourhood, I'm still trying to figure out why my stomach feels fluttery. It's just nerves. You're in a new place. You want to make a good impression. You're insecure about making a new friend. I try out all of these reasons in my head but none of them seem to fit the puzzle I'm working on.

Emily taps me lightly on the arm with one slender finger, "Ready to go, Naomi?"

I nod, still not trusting my voice entirely to rational speech. We head out the door with my mom calling to us to be careful.

The night is slightly chilly for a summer evening. Emily is walking close to me and I relish her warmth. Her bare arm slightly brushes mine every few steps we take and I hold my breath each time it happens. Her skin grazing mine has my heart fluttering and my face getting warm. I'm not really sure what these feelings mean or why I'm finding it so nice just being here with Emily. I mean, I just met her and we didn't even chat that much.

Emily reassures me that the pub where Cook's party is being held isn't that far away. I kind of wish we could keep on walking though. It's nice just to be with someone and not feel like the silence has to be filled. Emily and I walk without speaking, just enjoying the cool night air and each other's company. This kind of thing doesn't happen to me so I'm taking the time to enjoy it.

Unfortunately, we arrive at the pub just as quick as Emily promised me. Emily reaches forward and opens the door for me. I look at her, a bit surprised but she makes a grand sweep with her hand, gesturing for me to go in.

As soon as I do go in, I'm assaulted by the smell of stale cigarette smoke, beer, and for some reason piss. I wrinkle my nose, just when I was beginning to think that Bristol wasn't that bad. Emily touches my arm and I smile…well it's definitely not all bad.

"EMILEEEEEE!" Some chap that looks like he started the party about a week too early comes running up. He wraps his arms around Emily, lifts her off the ground, and spins her around in a huge hug. He sets her down but his arms are still wrapped around her. He leans in to her and whispers but not very quietly, "Give me a kiss on me birthday."

He pulls Emily's face in and his lips attach to hers like a snail on the side of a fish tank. Emily's hands immediately move to his shoulders and she's trying to push him away. A tight hot feeling twists in my stomach and I want nothing more than to rip that wanker off of her. I hear her muffled voice protesting, "mmCOok…stoppit."

I push the urge to kill this fucking kid down in my stomach and instead I reach out with one hand and grip his upper arm, "Oi…lay off, she don't want it."

He keeps on sucking at Emily's face and I quickly dig my nails into his skin. He jumps off Emily and jerks his arm out of my grasp, "That fucking hurt!"

I pull Emily towards me and away from him. I look over at the guy and see the imprints of my fingernails in his arm. "You deserve it, fucker!"

Emily places her hand on my arm, causing me to look down at her, "You have to ignore, Cook. He's just a tosser sometimes."

Cook apparently thinks this was some sort of compliment because he pounds his chest and howls at the ceiling. I can't help but raise my eyebrows. What the fuck had I gotten myself into?

When he stops acting like a bloody wolf, Cook looks back over at me and whistles, "What have we got here, Ems? My birthday present? Can't wait to unwrap it."

He looks me up and down and I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. He stumbles a little closer to me and I feel Emily's grip on my arm get a little tighter. Cook reaches out one meaty finger and tries to touch my face. I slap his hand away.

Emily who I thought was a typically quiet girl reaches out from beside me and pushes Cook in the chest. He stumbles backwards and almost falls. "Fuck off, Cook," Emily says, "Nobody here wants your Crayola dick."

Cook lets out a short laugh and says, "Wow…who knew? Kitty got claws." With that he turns away and yells out into the party, "Yo! Gay Jay, your girlfriend is here, mate. She's tryin to fuck me so I think you'd better come get her before she comes herself!" He laughs like he's made the funniest joke in history and stumbles off

Just as we've gotten rid of him, another bloke walks up. He has curly brown hair and he looks awfully unsure of himself. Emily lets go of me and pulls him into a hug, "Hello, J." Is this Emily's boyfriend? That's what Cook called him…but I expected Emily to be with someone a bit more fit, I mean she's fucking gorgeous.

When she lets go of him his face has gone all red and he's stuttering, "Hi…umm…yes so…this is Naomi I guess, yes she must be. I think that perhaps due to our conversation on the phone that is what I'm led to believe…"

Emily interrupts him, "J.J. Have you taken your medicine today?"

His face gets even redder, "Well…yes it's just, maybe a bit locked on. I mean, Ems, she is really beautiful…I mean you said she was but she really is... I mean....Bollocks that was supposed to stay in the vault, wasn't it?"

Emily said I was beautiful? I look down at her for some sort of confirmation but her eyes are glued on the floor and I see that the edges of her ears have turned a bright red. When she finally looks up she glares death at J.J, "Yes, J, that one was supposed to stay in the fucking vault."

I place my arm on her shoulder, feeling surprisingly happy that she called me pretty, "Ems, don't worry, I like compliments as much as the next girl." I throw a wink at her and her face splits into a grin.

"Well…compliments are easy to give when they're so true," Emily says while leaning a bit closer to me.

I pull back a little shocked. I mean, that sounded pretty flirtatious and not that I minded it but…I shouldn't like it so much. There are reasons…plenty of them I'm sure…its just right now I can't think of any.

Emily grips my hand and pulls me further into the pub. We go and sit down at a table that's relatively clear. The others all have an assortment of bottles and inebriated people laying on them.

Cook is over by the bar singing a raunchy song with some fat, old guy. J.J. has wandered away to find us some drinks. I take a better look around the pub to get an idea of what the scene is like here in Bristol.

In one corner there is a blonde haired girl sitting on the lap of a sturdy looking bloke. He's feeding her chips with his thick fingers and she's eating them up…the chips too.

Standing against a wall near the couple is a girl with brown hair and bright blue eyes. She's got one foot propped up behind her and an extremely bored look on her face. Her eyes scan over me and I get the feeling like she suddenly knows all my secrets. A small smirk on her face covers her face and she nods her head at me. Then she nods her head at Emily and smiles even wider.

A tall, extremely fit guy busts in through the door just then and the bored look is gone out of the girl's eyes. She turns to him and he immediately wraps one tan arm around her waist and kisses her lips with his full mouth.

"Fredster!" Cook shouts and runs to give him a bear hug similar to the one he gave Emily…without the kissing of course, except it seems like with Cook you'd never know.

J.J returns with our drinks and I frown as he scoots his chair over next to Emily's. She takes a sip of whatever he's brought us and I see the corners of her mouth pull into a tight frown.

"Fuck, J, what is in this?"

J.J. looks confused but manages to stammer out, "Well…I don' t know, Ems. Some vodka, some rum, some wine, some beer…"

Emily interrupts him, "J…stop. I guess I don't really want to know."

She takes another sip and makes a face at me. I smile at her and try the drink myself. Fuck! It is bloody awful. I pull a face and Emily is pointing at me and laughing. "You should see yourself if you think I'm so bloody funny," I choke out.

We take turns sipping our drinks and seeing who can make the ugliest face. J.J. enjoys this game too, even though he's not drinking and he keeps refilling our cups. Soon enough Emily's face starts blurring in my vision and I realize that I'm extremely close to being monumentally trashed.

I drain the last bit in my cup and instantly regret it as the room starts to swirl around me. The fit guy and girl are now making out in the corner; they become a tangle of limbs and her brown hair. Two people…one person, I can't tell. Cook is still up at the bar singing songs and his words reverberate in my ears.

J.J. grabs my empty cup and is off to refill it but Emily grips his arm, "No, J, fuck…we're totally fucked already…that's fucking enough." He walks away with our cups anyways and I'm left alone with Emily. She leans back towards me, "Fucking hell, Naomi…its just...I'm just so fucking…"

I giggle at how she says, "fuck," too many times and lean forward to whisper it in her ear. She pulls me closer than I wanted her too and I topple off my chair and push Emily off of hers in the same smooth move. I fall, hard, right on top of Emily. She's giggling so I know I haven't hurt her but she might feel it tomorrow. I'm feeling it today, right now.

Her brown eyes look up at me and I'm struck with a sense at how right this all is. Her hands gripping my hips, my legs straddling her waist, her hair gently falling over her forehead, her red face smiling and laughing, it's all just so right. Suddenly she's not giggling anymore and neither am I. The pub fades away. There's no Cook singing in the background. No smell of stale beer. I hear Emily breathing out and I want to breathe her in. All I can smell is her vanilla shampoo and something akin to apple pie. I lean down to breathe it in better and suddenly she's too close.

I swallow hard, feeling a bit more sober. She glances down at my lips and back up at my eyes. I want….well, I don't really know but she seems to know for the both of us. She leans up to meet my lips with hers and I'm going to let her but a sudden shout startles her away from me.

I curse my luck and look over my shoulder at the blokes that have just come in. There is a skinny guy wearing a dirty white tracksuit. He looks like he was beat with an ugly stick for the better half of his life. Behind him are two really big guys that look a bit slow.

"Cookie! I need to have words," the scrawny guy shouts.

I roll off Emily and help her stand up. I don't know what the fuck is going on. This guy looks harmless but Emily gives a small gasp and grips my arm tightly when she sees him. I wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her close to my side. If she's scared, I want to show her she has no reason to be. I haven't known her very long but I'll be damned if I would ever let anything happen to her.

Cook attempts to hide behind the fat guy he was singing with but the guy pushes him forward, "Fucking love you Cookie man but Johnnie just wants to talk, elsewise you'd be hurting already."

The scrawny guy, Johnnie, pulls Cook towards him and slings an arm around his shoulder in a friendly fashion.

I see J.J. edge closer to where Cook is, flexing his fists at his sides and I think I might have to reevaluate J.J.

The fit guy untangles himself from the cool girl and sidles over to where J.J. is standing. He places a hand on J.J and murmurs something in his ear. Whatever it is calms J.J. down but he still looks on edge.

Johnnie doesn't even spare them a glance as he says, "Alright, Cookie, did I or did I not sell you a shit load of drugs for your little get together last week."

I see Cook bob his head affirmative and Johnnie continues, "Well…here it is, a Friday and I don't seem to have my money yet, do I boys?" He looks back at the slow thugs behind him.

One of them scratches his head, "Well, I don't rightly know boss. Do you want me to check your wallet for you?"

The other one pipes up, "Oooh or you know you might've left it in your pocket when you washed your pants and you'll find it later, all wrinkly but it'll smell real nice."

I bite down on my lips to keep from laughing and Johnnie rolls his eyes to the ceiling, "Rhetorical lads…fucking rhetorical."

He then turns back to Cook, "So then…I only accept two currencies. One: Money. Two: Pain. Which will it be, Cookie?"

Cook ducks out of Johnnie's arm and pulls back, "Well the thing is John, is that I don't got the money on me right yet…I'll have it soon though."

Johnnie holds up two fingers, he ticks off one, "No money." That leaves him with only his middle finger sticking up, "That leaves, pain. My favourite."

Just then the door crashes open again and this time there's three guys in green tracksuits. Johnnie takes one look at them and his face looks like he's just eaten a pile of shit, "Oh hi, lads, didn't expect to see you here."

A beefy guy in a green tracksuit grabs Johnnie's collar, "Well this is our fucking turf so I think we didn't expect to see you here. Fucking wanker."

Johnnie's face contorts to an unhealthy shade of purple and with a scream he head butts the guy. Just like that a fucking brawl is started. The fat guy that Cook was singing with grabs a bat from underneath the bar and starts towards the mess, yelling, "Get the fuck out of me pub!"

Johnnie manages to weasel out from the melee and he points at Cook, "I'm going to get you, fucking bastard."

Cook turns and runs for the back door, leaving us all in the lurch. Not for long though because the fit guy grabs his girl and they're running. J.J. grabs Emily, Emily grabs me, the innocent looking girl grabs her boyfriend, and we're all running.

We bust out into the cool night air and sprint down the alley. Cook runs off in one direction and J.J. looks torn. He runs after him, shouting, "I gotta make sure he's ok, Ems! He had a lot to drink!"

The fit guy and girl cut down an alley away from us and I start to follow them but Emily pulls me another way, "Don't go there. That's the wrong way."

The innocent girl and her boyfriend peel off as well; she tosses a, "Bye, Emily. Wizzer night,"over her shoulder.

Ems yells back, "See ya, Pandora."

We slow from our sprinting to a slow jog, Emily is still holding on to my hand and I'm beginning to get a pain creeping up in my side. However, I start to recognize a bit where we are. We're almost back to my house.

Huffing and puffing we finally come to a stop right in front of Grandpa Walt's house. I lean my hands down to rest on my knees as I bend over, sucking in the cool air until it burns my lungs. I've got to give up smoking. Emily seems in a bit better shape than I am because she's just puffing lightly. She rubs comforting circles on my back as I gasp in as much air as I can.

After a bit, my breathing calms and I slowly rise to a standing position again, "Fucking hell, Ems. I take back everything I said about Bristol being boring."

She smiles up at me, "I take it you had fun?"

I laugh, "Fun? Well, it was eventful…"

Her eyes fall down to my lips again and I feel them burning under her gaze, "Yeah…it was eventful."

I'm not sure of how it happened or even if I wanted it to happen. Emily leaned in slowly and like a puppet that is being pulled on a string I mirror her movements. As soon as her hot lips find mine, I forget the fact that she's a girl and this isn't what I usually do. She presses into me…or is it me that pulls her close? I can't tell. All I know is now my hands are somehow tangled in her hair and I was right about how soft it is. Her lips move over mine in rhythm to our hearts beating. Then she bites down on my bottom lip a bit and pulls it with her teeth, I swallow a moan I didn't know was building and slip my tongue into her mouth. Her tongue moves against mine and I know heaven. Her hands grip the back of my neck, pulling me closer than I ever thought possible. Her fingernails lightly rake the back of my neck and I feel goose bumps spread all over my skin.

She pulls apart just for a second and I gasp, "Jesus," before pulling her back to me. This time there's no hesitance to the passion that is in the kiss. Teeth, lips, tongues all clash together and I suddenly know sensations that I never knew my body had.

When we finally have to come up for air, she splits from me reluctantly. I hold her close to me and look down into her eyes for an eternity. What had seemed like raw lust a few moments ago is something more now. I know that whatever has happened or will happen between us, its not just the kissing and the feelings and the wanting that's spread all through my stomach. It's also her eyes and her ears and the way that she protected me from Cook and the way she smoked my cigarette and the way her lips quirk when she smiles.

As soon as I realize this a horrible fear kicks me in the chest and forces me to step back from her. Never need anyone, never love anyone, always be independent, you can't get hurt that way. I see confusion in Emily's eyes and I want to kiss it away. I need to know. I need to know if she feels the same thing for me or if this is just a drunken, girl make out session.

I quirk my eyebrow at her and force my quivering voice to sound neutral, "This is what all those drinks do, isn't it?"

For a second she looks as if I'd slapped her but then a bright smile spreads across her face. Too bad it doesn't dare reach up and touch her eyes. My heart lurches and falls in my chest as she says, "Yeah, I drank a lot tonight."

"Well…better go inside, maybe I'll see you around, Emily." I turn and walk away from her rather abruptly, knowing that I must seem weird.

I just don't want her to see me cry.

***Sorry this chapter was a bit long but there was a lot to cover…hopefully you all didn't find it boring***


	4. Chapter 4

***Officially loving you guys/girls for the reviews and reading. Thank you so much for all the positive feedback. It wasn't expected but it certainly appreciated! I'll try and post the next chapter tomorrow just because you all are being so lovely, and because I don't really like this one. *sigh* It is necessary though.***

**Letters To Emily: Chapter 4**

**Emily's POV:**

I stand outside of Naomi's house for the second time that day, watching her back retreating into the darkness. This time, however, I'm far from dancing a jig. In fact I think this time my heart is breaking. She doesn't turn back to glance at me. She doesn't throw a smile over her shoulder that tells me everything will be ok. Instead, she walks to the door, opens it, and rushes inside. The harsh slam as it closes startles me out of my trance and I slowly turn around and head back to my house.

Tears come to my eyes as I wonder what the fuck happened. I want to slap myself in the face, how could I be so stupid?! Of course a girl like that wasn't going to like me…a girl…and just me. Instead, I'd ruined the lovely night we'd been having by kissing her.

That kiss. I couldn't regret it. Even if I never got to kiss anyone again my whole life, that kiss was worth it. The way her hands had felt on my body and the way her lips had moved over mine perfectly, like they were meant to be there. What I didn't understand as how she could see something so beautiful as wrong. Didn't she feel it? I thought she did because even when I pulled back the first time, she gasped out, "Jesus," and pulled me back to her. That had to mean something right?

Well, I thought so but apparently not. She mentioned something about the drinks and there went all my hopes in one offhand sentence passing from her lips. I murmured something about how much I had drank and then she just walked away.

Now here I am walking back across the cold pavement to my own house. I feel the tears come to my eyes and I want to wipe them away but my hands can't seem to move. I don't even know how my legs are propelling me forward.

I reach my front door and I stop and stare at it for a second. My mom will ask what went wrong. My dad will hint if a boy hurt me he'll kill the wanker. My brother will tell me I look like shit because my makeup is running from my tears. My hand reaches for the doorknob but then it stops.

I don't want to go home right now, not at all. The walls have slowly been closing in on me over the years and I don't feel like I fit half the time. My parents look right through me and at Katie. They think that we're nice "normal" twins and I know that there's something inside of me that would shatter everything. I feel as if the pressure inside of me is going to burst one day and I'll just tell them everything. Sometimes I even want to explode and just get it over with but the aftermath is what stops me. The thought of seeing horror and disgust on my own family's faces makes the words stick in my throat. It makes me pretend like everything is perfect and I'm happy, even when that's far from the truth.

I turn away from my house and start walking out into the dark night…it's the only place I really belong anyways.

_Naomi's lips find mine and she pushes me down onto my soft bed. Her warm breath tickles my ear and she whispers, "I want you." She bites down gently on my earlobe and I gasp. My hands find their way into her soft, blonde hair and I pull her down to my mouth again. She licks my bottom lip and I feel her hands moving up under my shirt. My hands are shaking as they fumble with the zipper of her skirt. I pull away from her lips for just a second, "I want you, too." I roll her over so now I'm hovering above her. She smiles up at me and I feel her pushing my pants down. My breath is coming out shaky and I can't believe this is finally happening. I trace the edge of her knickers but just then she shoves me hard and I fall off of the bed. I hop up, "What the fuck?"_

_She's wiping her mouth with the back of her hand and looking at me with anger, "Ugh…fucking dyke. Just jumping me like that."_

_I know the confusion is written all over my face, "What? You were…"_

_Then Katie is in my doorway, "Just jumped you didn't she, Naomi?"_

_Naomi gets up and goes to stand next to Katie. They both cross their arms and stare at me. _

_I open my mouth to defend myself, "No…Katie. She was fine with it…trust me."_

_Katie shakes her head and I see hatred shining in her eyes, "Dirty lezza. Why should I trust you?"_

"_I'm Emily…I'm your sister. I'm still me."_

_Naomi starts laughing and Katie shakes her head, "You're not my sister. My sister wouldn't be such a fucking idiot."_

_I feel hot tears sliding down my cheeks and Katie walks over to me, "Katie…please…" Her hand is a blur as it strikes me across my cheek. Before I can react she's brought her fist crashing into my nose. I fall back down onto the floor. I feel something sticky flowing down my face. Katie jumps on top of me and her fingers are around my neck, pressing in. Black spots hover in front of my eyes and I can't even get out a…._

Scream. Hands grab me, "Emily…wake up! Wake up!"

Where am I? I push at the hands for a moment before I realize they aren't Katie's. J.J. is shaking my shoulders a worried look on his face.

"J…I'm awake."

I push him away and struggle to catch my breath. That was one hell of a dream. My hands drift to my throat and I can still feel Katie's nails digging into my skin. J.J. sits back on his bed and looks at me as if I'm going crazy.

Tears come to my eyes and before I know it, I'm crying and I'm not really sure why. J.J. hesitates for a minute before pulling me into his arms. I sniffle into his flannel pajamas and his hands rub my back in comforting circles.

When I finally calm down I slowly disentangle myself from his arms. Wiping my eyes I feel a blush come to my cheeks. I hate crying in front of other people.

"Sorry to wake you up, J.J."

He smiles at me, "That's ok, Ems. You know I have a hard time sleeping. What with the pills and whatnot. Certain medicines aren't conclusive to sleep patterns. What were you dreaming about anyways?"

I press my palm to my forehead, trying to block out the doubts and fears that are constantly warring there. "Well…It started out good, with Naomi. You know we were making out and then she told me she wanted me…"

J.J. looks away from me quickly and starts muttering softly to himself. I can tell he's about to get locked on so I press forward quickly.

"But she pushed me off of her and then Katie was in the room and they were both ganging up on me. Then Katie was calling me names and she hit me. Then she started choking me."

J.J. finally is able to look back at me, "Emily, Katie loves you…definitely. I know that you're scared about telling her…well you know…but maybe do you think that you're building it up too much in your mind? Maybe she'll be really accepting."

I scoff and roll my eyes, "J, are you thinking about the right Katie?"

He laughs, "Yeah, point taken. Well…what are you going to do about Naomi since Katie is sort of an unsure topic?"

"What do you mean? There's nothing to do, she made it clear tonight."

"Emily…she didn't make anything clear. Sure, she made some sort of excuse but that doesn't mean anything. Maybe she's scared just like you are."

I shake my head, "No, J.J. I know you're just trying to help but I think the best thing for me to do would be to leave her alone. I don't need anymore complications in my life."

J.J. nods slowly, "If you say so, Ems. Well…if you don't mind its four o' clock in the morning and I think I'm going to try and get some sleep."

He climbs off the bed and returns to his sleeping bag on the floor. I look down at him, missing his presence near me. J.J. makes me feel calm, sure of myself. He makes me feel comfortable and right now I can't be alone.

"J.J.? Will you come back up here?"

He gazes up at me confused.

"I mean…I just don't want to be alone right now. Can you…just maybe hold me for a bit?"

He swallows and for a second I think he's going to say no but then he slides out of his sleeping bag and crawls under the covers with me. He holds his arm up and I slide under it, wrapping my arm around his waist and holding him like a giant teddy bear.

He puts his arm down cautiously on top of my back.

"Goodnight, J.J." I whisper as sleep begins to pull at me. My last thoughts are of Naomi. I told J.J. that I was going to leave her alone but she certainly isn't returning the favor. In fact, I'm pretty sure that she's all I'm going to think about.

***Ugh…really hard chapter to write since there wasn't any Naomily interaction, except for Emily's dream. Please bear with me because I promise more of the goods in the next chapter.**

**Heligena: Yes, I'm an American…sorry guys, I really try to keep it in the British voice but stuff slips through***


	5. Chapter 5

***A/N: I know I promised a chapter yesterday but it was a busy day, so I stayed up a bit to write a long one for you all because you are all AWESOME! Seriously…I'm having fun writing this story and hopefully you guys/girls are having fun reading it. As always thanks for reading this and/or reviewing it…it really does make my day***

**Letters To Emily: Chapter 5**

**Naomi's POV:**

A week. A whole fucking week. She's hasn't rang. She hasn't come round. I want to march over to her house and demand answers but I don't have the guts. If anyone should be hurt, it should be me, right? I mean she kissed me. She made me doubt things I'd known all my life. She made me want her. She opened up a whole new side of myself that I didn't know was there. Then what did she do? She told me she had drunk a lot and then she doesn't call me for this whole week. At first I told myself it didn't matter, that I wouldn't care but as every day passed, it got under my skin more and more.

I roll over on my bed, placing my hands over my eyes. I'm in bed even though it's evening time. There really isn't a point at getting out of bed because there's nothing to do. Fuck it. I can't believe I am getting this stressed over a girl. But she isn't just some girl. She is Emily. A week ago that name wouldn't have meant anything to me but now it meant everything. Me…indestructible Naomi Campbell definitely has a weak spot.

"Naomi! Phone for you, love!" My mother's voice coming from downstairs makes my heart leap. I jump out of bed and rush down the stairs. Maybe it's Emily. I practically run into the kitchen sliding on the tiled floor. Mum holds out the phone, looking at me quizzically, "It's just your father."

She spits venom at the word, "Father," and passes me the phone. I sigh. It's not Emily but I do want to talk to my dad.

I put the phone up to my ear, "Hi, Dad.."

"Hi Naomikins! How are you, love?"

"I'm fine…just a bit bored at Grandpa's."

"Oh I know how boring Bristol is. I told your mum that was a horrible place for you to spend your summer but she never listens to me, does she?"

I sigh at the way they're constantly picking at each other to me, "Yeah, Dad…Look I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Of course, love, what is it?"

I pull in a deep breath because to me this is a huge deal. "Well I'm thinking about going to the University of Liverpool after college."

"Ok, what did you want to talk to me about, love? That's a wonderful school."

I swallow, "Well…Mum and I were discussing it and we talked about how you live in Liverpool now and I was kind of thinking that it would be nice if I could live with you. You know, we could get to know each other again. It would also cut down on the cost."

All I can hear in the other side of the line is silence. When Dad finally breaks the silence, his voice is soft, "I think I need to talk to your mum about this Naomikins. Why don't you put her back on the line? I'll talk to you later, sweet heart."

I smile despite myself. That definitely wasn't a, "No." I say my goodbyes and give the phone to my mum who looks like she would rather eat shit than talk.

As soon as Mum starts talking to my dad I run upstairs again. I pick up the phone at the end of the hallway, making sure that I hold down the receiver. Instead of hearing my parents nicely talk about my future together though I'm greeting with sounds of them yelling.

I catch the tail end of something that Dad says, "…life here now!"

Mum sounds bloody pissed off, "She's your daughter! All she wants is to spend some time with you and go to a great university."

"When I left you, I told you I didn't want any more part of it! How do you think Susan would feel if my daughter suddenly moved in with us? I can't do it!"

"Can't…or won't?"

His voice sounded dead as he said, "Won't. I pay you child support. I even rang today since you'd been fucking pestering about it for months. I send her a Christmas present."

"Yeah you're bloody Father of the Year, aren't you? Why don't you take some fucking responsibility for once in your pathetic life and be her dad?"

"Responsibility? I stuck by you for sixteen years! I don't have to be responsible anymore. What did I tell you when you got pregnant with her? Fucking end it! Did you listen? No. I don't have to be her bloody father because I never wanted to be!"

The phone slowly drops from my hand and hits the floor with a crash. I put my hands up to my cheeks right under my eyes. They can't stop the tears though. Pain rolls over my hands and splashes onto the wooden floor near my feet. My own father doesn't even want me. My mother can't even make herself stand by me when I need her most. I don't have any friends. I'm scared to let people in. No fucking wonder. Even Emily left me and she'd only known me for one whole fucking day.

I want to feel angry. I want to throw things. Instead I stand there. I breathe it in. I push the pain into my body. I suck my tears back into my eyes and swallow them whole. Be calm, be cool, and be indestructible. No one can hurt you. No one can get close enough to even touch you. Put up walls. Walls of ice and pain. I throw them up quickly, walls strong and heartless. They keep me strong on the outside, even as I crumble within them.

I don't even hear Mum come in. Her hand on my shoulder makes me jump and turn to face her. She smiles and places a soft hand on my cheek, "How much of that did you hear, love?"

I move my head so her hand falls back down to her side, "Enough."

"Naomi, I think we need to talk about…"

"Fucking save it Mum…I'm going out."

I walk away from her and into my room. She follows me in there still trying to talk to me. I shut out her words as I rummage around for my bag. When I finally find it, I sling it over my shoulder and without another look back, I run down the stairs and out the front door.

I hear my mum calling after me but I don't want to listen to her right now. She's just another person that's screaming outside my walls.

I walk aimlessly down the road for a bit before I see a taxi. I quickly raise my hand and it pulls over to let me in.

The man inside looks bored and quite tired as he asks, "Where to, miss?"

"Aren't there any clubs here? Any places to party at all?"

He coughs into his hand and answers, "Yes, there's one club in town that a lot of kids go to on the weekend."

"Yeah…well take me there please."

The line outside the club is way too long but I sigh and join the crowd that seems full of wankers. The boys are all shouting to one another and the girls are all primping their hair and giggling at the boys. I almost want to just fuck it and go home but I need a night of mindlessness. I'm going to get fucking smashed and dance to some pathetic band and perhaps fuck some meaningless twat.

"Hey." I turn at the sound of the voice. It's quiet in all this madness but it still calls my attention. It's the brunette girl from the pub last week. She's standing a bit behind me. She seems unaffected by all the little people that are bustling around her. Her blue eyes are still piercing through me.

I break away from her gaze, unable to take it any longer, "Hey."

"Where's Emily?"

At the sound of Emily's name my head shoots up and I see a small smirk hover on her lips.

I shrug my shoulders, pretending like it doesn't matter, "I dunno. She's your friend."

Her head cocks to one side, "Oh…and she's not yours? You two seemed pretty 'friendly' at Cook's party."

A blush tinges my cheeks and I shake my head, "Look you got the wrong idea…"

She interrupts me, "No, I don't. I don't ever get the wrong idea."

There's that damn smirk again and before I can even think of something to say she reaches out her hand and shakes mine, "I'm Effy by the way. I already know that your name is Naomi. If you're not ready to admit shit to yourself, I can respect that. I used to be that way. But don't fuck with Ems. She may not know we all love her because Katie is always…well….Katie. But whether she knows it or not, there's not one person in this group who wouldn't fuck you up if you break her little heart. Hell, even Cook loves her in his own little fucked up way."

I'm fucking speechless but Effy smiles at me as if she didn't just threaten me.

She reaches out a thin arm and grasps my wrist, "Come on. We don't wait in line. Thomas performs here."

She pulls me through the crowd, towards the front of the line. The people part for her like she's a ship cutting through the waves. They stare after her, drawn into her wake. I can't help but feel a little bit in awe of her myself. This is who I want to be. Someone who doesn't give a fuck what people think. She seems to be in complete control, totally sure of herself.

When we reach the front of the line I see two other people from the night at the pub. Effy hold her hand out, "This is Pandora, my best mate. This is Thomas, her little bit of stuff."

Pandora giggles a bit, "Silly, Eff. Tommo is my boyfriend. Isn't he a blinkin' dream?"

I laugh a bit myself, confused a bit as to how Pandora and Effy are best mates, when I've never seen two people so completely different. Thomas holds out his hand, "Hello, I'm Thomas. So pleased to meet you."

What the fuck is it with people around here and shaking hands? I slip my hand into his big one and he pumps mine energetically, already talking about the night ahead, "Tonight is going to be top notch. I've already sold a whaka load of tickets. Freddie, Cook, and J.J. are coming and Emily is already inside."

My head shoots up at her name and I see Effy smile again. We head inside where a band is already playing and people are already grinding up and down on each other in time to the steady beat. Unable to help myself I scan the crowd, looking for a certain redhead.

I see Thomas and Pandora head up to the stage where I assume he's going to perform later. Effy stays close to my side and I feel her watching me. I lean close to her, "Want to get some drinks, Effy?"

I have to shout to be heard over the music but for some reason I can hear Effy's voice perfectly, "Don't you want to look for Emily first?"

Fuck it, she's right. That's exactly what I want to do. Effy sees it in my eyes and she gestures to the crowd around the stage. That's when I see her. She is twirling to the beat. Her hair is hanging in damp tendrils that cling to her face. A fine sheen of sweat is making her body glisten as she tilts a bottle of vodka up to her lips and takes a quick sip. I swallow hard as I watch one of her small hands glide down to her hips. I want to be that hand. I want to be beside her, dancing our lives away, twining into each other until there's no end to one and no beginning to the other.

I could stand all night watching her spin and twirl in the dark crowd but suddenly I see a thick hand creep around her waist. Some bloke has come out of the crowd to touch her. He pulls her close to his huge body and begins grinding his hips fiercely into hers. I can see that Emily is a bit tipsy because she just laughs and continues dancing.

Unable to stop my feet, I'm already walking through the crowd. When I reach her I tap the wanker on the shoulder. He turns his head to face me but his hands stay on Emily's body. His nose is huge and his eyes glare at me angrily.

"Hey, my friend is a bit drunk; I'm going to take her home!" I'm shouting again because this time I want to make what I'm saying fucking clear. I reach out and grab Emily's wrist to pull her away from him. She smiles at me and starts to come with me but the tosser holds on to her body.

He yells at me, "Fuck off! I'm dancing with her!"

He reaches out one thick hand and shoves me in the chest. I bounce into a group of girls that swiftly push me off of them. Anger surges in my veins and I quickly rush back at the boy, "You fuck off, you twat! She's coming with me!"

Emily finally begins to get that a fight is about to start over her and she tries to push the boy off. "I shoulda go with ma friend…" Her words are slurring but I see that she does in fact want to leave.

The guy leans down and begins sucking on her neck and kissing up the side of her face. Unable to take it anymore I shove him hard and grab Emily away from him.

"Oi…you fucking bitch!" He grips my shoulder hard and jerks me around to face him. My hand shoots out on its own and slaps him hard across the face. His face turns a dark shade of purple and his fist cocks back. I'm thinking, this is it…my life is over but just then a blur of Cook shoots by me.

He tackles the guy and for someone who's definitely smaller than the other fucker, Cook is holding his own. Cook's fist comes crashing into the other bloke's nose and I see blood begin to pour down his face. Two other guys then push through the crowd and grab Cook off the guy. One of them punches Cook hard in the face and he falls onto the dirty club floor. They begin helping their mate up and it looks like things are going to go very rough for Cook.

Just then J.J., Thomas, and Effy's boyfriend push through the crowd. They help Cook up and all of the boys face each other. I see a moment where it could go either way but something in the way that J.J. is flexing his fists and muttering things probably scares the other tossers off. They mutter something about fucking our boys up but they slither back into the crowd like snakes in the grass.

For some unknown reason, Emily busts out laughing and slumps against me. I wrap my arms around her and her hands trip my hips, pulling me close to her. Cook is laughing even though his lip is busted. He pats J.J. and Effy's boyfriend on the shoulders and shouts, "Freddie, J.J. and Cook. Three Musketeers!" Then he turns to Thomas, "Don't worry Tommo, you're an honorary sidekick."

Thomas smiles and laughs along with Cook. The tension seems to break up as people begin dancing around us again now that the thrill of a fight has passed. Effy's boyfriend, Freddie I assume, pulls her close and they begin dancing to the beat. Cook is pulled in by some girl from the crowd and he already looks like he's close to fucking her.

Emily hiccups in my ear and I pull her closer. I should probably get her home. I turn to leave but J.J. walks up to me, "I'll take her, Naomi."

I turn to face him, "No…J.J. It's ok. I'll take care of her." I want to. I need to. I hope he understands that.

I guess he does because he looks at me skeptically but in the end he says, "Fine…you'd better."

He wades back into the crowd as I push towards the exit. I wave down a taxi and push Emily into the back. She starts laughing again when she slides off the seat and falls onto the floor of the taxi. I pull her back up and tell the driver where to go. He looks as if he's rather have someone else in the back but he starts driving anyways.

Emily lays her head down in my lap and I idly run my hand through her hair. I push it away from her face and she sighs when my hand touches her face. I kind of wonder why I'm doing this. I'd just found out thanks to my dad that people can't be trusted and let back in. However, Emily's face is warm through my skirt and that guy shouldn't have been touching her like that and she deserves to be taken care of and she looks so innocent like this and because her hands feel good resting lightly on my legs and…

Because she rolls over, looks up at me and murmurs, "I missed you."

************************************************************************

By the time we pull up to Grandfather Walt's faded, gray house, I think that Emily is already sleeping in my lap. I quickly pay the driver and give Emily a gentle shake. She sits up, confused but she smiles a huge grin at me. She whispers, "Naomi," like it means something and lets me help her out of the cab.

She wraps her arms around my shoulders and buries her small head into my shoulder. I pull her close to me as we stumble together up the front walk. I fumble with my keys and drop them a few times but finally we're inside.

It's a real chore to get Emily up the stairs but once we're up to my room, I gently lay her down on the bed. Her eyes are closed as soon as she hits the mattress and I assume that she's gone back to sleep.

I lean down in front of her and take off her boots. Then I get up and pull the covers out from under her, I'm about to put them over her but then I notice that her top is rather tight. It looks great on her but I also think that it might not be the most comfortable thing to sleep in. I swallow hard. This is more temptation then I should have to endure.

I pull at the lace ties that are holding the top up. I try to keep everything innocent and to not notice how fucking mint her breasts look inside her black bra. Just after I pull the top off, I notice that Emily's eyes are indeed open and she's watching everything I'm doing. Her brown orbs catch me and I'm lost again within the pools of warmth.

One of her small hands reaches up and wraps around the back of my neck. She doesn't do anything else, though. Her hand gently plays with the hair at the nape of my neck as she looks up at me. My stomach flutters at her fingers and how they are moving but my eyes don't move from hers.

Then the hand on the back of my neck tightens its grip and Emily pulls me down on top of her. I fall heavily on her body but her lips have already found mine. I moan at the warmth that I've dreamed about this entire week. Her tongue traces the edges of my lips and my mouth opens on its own. Her tongue glides across mine and she rolls me over swiftly so that she's on top.

Her legs are straddling my waist and I slide my hands slide up her perfect back. I revel in how smooth and warm her skin is. She breaks away from my mouth to kiss down my neck, sucking and nibbling as she goes down. A fierce warmth is building in my stomach and I want more, more of Emily, more of her lips, more of everything. Emily breaks our kiss and reaches down to the clasp of my skirt. Her fingers fumble at the zipper and she giggles a bit.

I want this more than anything. But I also want something real. I gently reach down and stop her fingers. Emily looks down at me confused. My voice sounds shaky as it comes out, "Ems. I really, really want this but maybe now is not the best time. You're a bit tipsy and I want our first time to be something that neither of us will regret."

Emily shakes her head, "No…Naomi, I wouldn't regret this."

I sigh, "Look, I want to be with you, practically more than I want to breathe right now but it can wait, Emily. I'm still going to be wanting you when we wake up tomorrow and the next day and the next day and probably still the next fucking day too. And that scares me…a lot. I don't…I don't ever let myself want someone, need someone. But for some reason, you make me feel happy. I'm always alone but you make me feel like there's actually someone there."

I feel tears come to my eyes and I fear that they're going to slide down my face but I continue, unable to stop the words as they've finally started spewing forth, "Everyone leaves me, Emily. Everyone fucks me up. I just…I don't want to feel that anymore. My dad doesn't want me, my mum doesn't want me, no one ever stays with me, no one ever wants me."

Emily leans down and places a gentle kiss on my lips. She then rolls off my waist and wraps a warm arm around me. She pulls me close and I snuggle into her warmth. I know that I should stop crying and stop being weak but my walls seem to crumble when I'm around Emily.

"I want you, Naomi." Her words are soft, whispered into the darkness but I know that they're true.

I trace random patterns into the skin on her stomach and we talk for hours. She tells me about Katie and how they used to be really close but in middle school, Katie seemed to take over. I tell her about how my dad left and my mum spent months in her room crying. She tells me how her parents don't seem to love her as much as Katie and that they don't know she's gay. I tell her that she's beautiful, inside and out and that she shouldn't have to be scared of her own family. We talk until sleep begins to pull at us both.

I fall asleep in Emily's arms, wrapped in her warmth, already dreaming of the nights filled with this…filled with Emily.


	6. Chapter 6

***A/N: Ohmygosh gang I'm so sorry for the sparse updates lately…college has been kicking my butt. Luckily today was the last day except for exams so I'll have more spare to time to write***

**Letters To Emily: Chapter 6**

**Emily's POV**

"Fucking shit wanker asshead and a hole!" My clumsy hands immediately reach up to cover my eyes, trying to block out the searing light that pulled me from sleep. My brain feels like it's made out of cotton. I shut my eyes tightly which only causes a bright red to dance across my eyelids.

Something presses against my back and a hand snakes around my waist, pulling me closer. I remove my hands from over my eyes and stare stupidly down at the hand for a second. Long, slender fingers. Chipped, blue nail polish. Everything that happened last night comes rushing back to me. I'm in bed….with Naomi, having got monumentally fucked up at the club last night. Naomi had brought me back to hers and she'd taken care of me. I had kissed her, she'd kissed me back, and she'd said she wanted me.

Despite the fucking monstrous hangover that is pounding on my temples, a grin splits my face in half. I lay my head back down on the pillow and lace my fingers through Naomi's. Her hand is warm across my stomach. I feel her sigh into the back of my neck and goose bumps spread across my skin. I'd take a hangover any day if it meant waking up to this.

"Morning." Naomi's voice is still tinged with sleep and I think it's adorably husky. I roll over so that I'm facing her. I'm kind of nervous about how she's going to feel. Last night she gave me a bit of insight to who she is and just thinking about the pain she's had to go through makes my heart wrench. Someone so beautiful, caring, and vulnerable should never have had that much pain in her life.

I stare into her blue eyes and I'm amazed by how much warmth there is in them. There is a soft smile curving on her lips. This is the Naomi I've been waiting to see, the Naomi I knew was in there all along. She looks so open…so soft. Usually her walls are up high and I can only peer through the cracks. Whether it's the sleep still hovering in her mind or the long talk we had last night, I can't tell but suddenly it seems like she's dropped those walls. She hasn't spoken yet and neither have I. She's just staring at me with those beautiful eyes, taking me in. Usually when a person stares at me it makes me uncomfortable because I feel like they're silently judging me. This stare is different. Naomi isn't judging, I just get the feeling like she's taking me in, memorizing my face. I'm doing the same thing. I never want to forget this moment, this smile that's on her face, the way her eyes are searching mine, her smell on the bed around me.

She's got a small scar right above her top lip and unconsciously I reach out my hand to touch it. Naomi places a gentle kiss on my outstretched finger and answers my unasked question, "A bloke I was hanging around with last year got trashed and smacked me when I told him he was a wanker. His ring did that."

I'm sure the shock shows on my face. How could anyone hit her? I stroke her cheek with my hand and she smiles at the touch. I treasure the soft feeling of her cheek beneath my fingers. Her hand comes up and covers mine, causing my slow strokes to stop. Naomi pulls my hand away from her face and laces our fingers together. Her eyes have gone still and she's looking at me seriously.

I try not to imagine the worst case scenario as I ask, "You alright, Naomi?"

I want to look in to her eyes to try and decipher where her mind is but she moves them away and stares down at our interlocked hands. I feel my chest clench. She's going to say that we should just be friends, she's going to pull away, she's going to say she didn't mean those things she said last night, she's going to say…

"I'm scared." My mouth parts with words that want to drip off my tongue but I close it again as I realize she's not pushing me out again. Naomi's eyes come back up to meet mine and I see the fear that came from her mouth etched all over her face.

I want to wash it all away, I want to tell her everything will be ok, that I'd never hurt her, that something this good could never be bad but the words freeze in my mouth. Without those reassuring words all I can do is lean forward a bit and kiss her softly on her lips.

I try to put everything in that kiss that I know because I know that this is right and I know that she's everything I've ever wanted. Naomi's lips move over mine and her fingers tighten around mine and now I know something else. She's got the message without clumsy words. She's got what she needed to know from my lips and the way my breath shakes when I'm around her and how my fingers trace her knuckles.

This kiss isn't desperate passion and it's not a prelude to fucking. This is knowing, breathing, taking Naomi in and giving, telling, and showing her that I'm here and here is where I'm going to stay. When we finally break apart the tension and hesitance that had been hovering in the air has been replaced by understanding and acceptance.

A loud woman's voice from downstairs breaks the quiet of our mood, "Naomi! You've slept through breakfast but you're not skipping lunch. Get down here and eat something!"

I roll over and groan because that loud voice has just knocked on the door to my brain and reminded me that I have a hangover. "Can't your mum talk any softer?" I groan out.

I hear Naomi chuckle next to me and feel the bed move as she gets up. I watch her stretch down at the end of the bed and my mouth goes a bit dry when her T-shirt rises up, showing her perfect little tummy.

Naomi catches me practically drooling and she quirks an eyebrow at me, "Even with a hangover you still got the energy for perving, Ems?"

I swallow, "For you, I got all the energy in the world, babe."

Naomi laughs and glances over at her bedside clock, "Fuck is it really two in the afternoon?"

I glance over at the glowing red numbers and sigh, "I suppose, usually after a night like last night I sleep the whole day."

"Well, I'm going to go get us some food and I think you should go take a hot shower. That always helps me get rid of hangovers."

My stomach twists a bit at the thought of food but the shower sounds like heaven. I slowly get out of bed, trying to keep my head from reeling. I stretch, trying to work the kinks out of my neck. After a loud crack and a feeling of release I smile and turn back towards Naomi. I almost laugh out loud at the sight of her face. Her lips are parted slightly and her eyes are glued to my body, that's when I remember that I don't have a shirt on.

I look down at myself and I'm glad that I at least wore a cute bra last night. I actually don't like my body but from the look on Naomi's face, she doesn't mind it one bit. I toss quick smile and a wink to Naomi, "Before accusing someone else of perving, you might want to wipe that drool off your chin."

Naomi's eyes return to my face and her cheeks turn a faint pink before she clears her throat, "Erm…yeah well the bathroom is through there and there are towels under the sink." Her voice sounds a bit scratchy and she quickly backs out of her room and starts to go downstairs, I hear her trip a bit and curse herself and I smile at the thought that me…little old Emily Fitch can make such a fucking hot girl get flustered.

Naomi was right about the shower. It feels bloody fantastic. The hot water massages the pounding in my head away and kneads my sore muscles. I stay in there until the hot water begins to get cool and I immediately shut off the shower, feeling a bit guilty for nicking all the hot water.

I climb out of the shower feeling completely refreshed and actually wanting a bit of that food that Naomi said she would bring me. I find a toothbrush still in plastic wrap in the cupboard and quickly brush my teeth to get the stale feeling out of my mouth. I wrap the towel around my body and dry off a bit but soon realize that I don't have any clothes with me, except for the ones that I wore last night. It seems a bit counter productive to put on dirty clothes after such a lovely shower so I just keep the towel on my body and quickly dart across the hallway to Naomi's room.

Naomi is lying across her bed munching on a salad and watching telli when I come in. She glances over at me and looks back at her salad but then turns right back to me. For some reason this feels a bit different from the "perving" that was going on earlier. It's not playful and with Naomi's eyes on me like this I'm getting a bit self conscious for some reason. She's looking at me like I'm hot…beautiful…irresistible and I'm none of the above.

I break my eyes away from hers and search around the room, "Umm…do you think that I could borrow some clothes."

Naomi slowly stands up and I swear to god she actually fucking slinks towards me, slowly and with the exact right swing to her hips. When she reaches me I look down at the floor but she puts a finger underneath my chin and forces me to look back up at her.

Those blue eyes sear in to me and I lose my inhibitions and self doubt that usually plagues me every single moment of every day. I lean up a bit and bring my lips to Naomi's.

She sighs in to me and pulls my damp body flush against hers. I gently grip her bottom lip in between my teeth and tug it towards me. Her hot mouth opens and pulls me in. As my tongue glides over hers she sucks gently on it for a second and I feel a hot flush spread over my entire body. My hands find their way up under her T-shirt and onto her warm skins. My fingers sweep over her stomach as her lips and tongue work their magic. My feet move on their own and I walk us back over to the bed, not once breaking the kiss. The back of her knees hit the bed and she falls backwards, taking me with her. Before I can climb on top of her, Naomi rolls me over so that I'm underneath her. I pull at the bottom of her T-shirt and she seems to understand what I want. Naomi lifts her body off mine slightly and pulls the shirt over her head. My eyes quickly devour her taut stomach and her breasts that are hidden within a black bra.

Naomi smiles down at me and leans back to capture my lips with her own. One of my hands tangles in her blonde hair and the other rises up to cup one of her breasts through her bra. I don't know what the fuck has come over me but I can't even begin to control myself when I'm around her. Logically we've only known each other for a week but I'm taking more steps and being braver than I've ever been in my entire life. As I move my thumb over the silk material, I feel Naomi's nipple harden against my finger and she moans into my mouth.

She pulls apart from me a bit and gasps out, "Fuck," before she grabs my hands and pins them above my head with a loose grip. My towel has almost fallen off my body because it's only loosely tucked into itself now and I get the feeling like Naomi is about to help it on its way. Her lips caress the skin on my neck as she bites, licks, and kisses her way down to the edge of the towel. My hands are itching to be on her skin again but it's also kind of hot having her holding me like this. For a moment I think I hear a sound coming from outside Naomi's bedroom but I dismiss it quickly when Naomi comes back up to kiss my neck. Her hand slips down to the bottom of the towel and slides inside to caress my hip. Her nails gently rake my skin and I bite down on her bottom lip again. I know where this is going, where I want it to go and honestly I've never been so fucking turned on in my entire life.

"What the fuck is this?!"

Naomi's body goes stiff and she turns around. I can't see who is in the doorway of Naomi's room but I know from the voice, from the shock that goes through Naomi…I know that I'm in such fucking trouble right now.

***Sorry for the cliffhanger and I hope that scene was okay/believable…I don't usually write stuff like that but I tried to make it fun for you to read *smiles and sends hugs to people reading/reviewing***


	7. Chapter 7

***A/N: I got out of my Development of Poetry exam early so I decided I'd write a bit more before I had to go to work and because I promised you guys/girls quicker updates. As always thanks for reading and/or reviewing, it means a lot to me.***

**Letters To Emily: Chapter 7**

**Naomi's POV**

"_What the fuck is this?!"_

I spin around quickly to look at the person that's standing in my doorway. Fuck, shit, holy mother of god this is bad. I jump off of Emily's half naked body and look around on the floor for my T-shirt. Fuck where is it?

Emily remains still on my bed, not moving a muscle. I will for her to get up, to make some sort of motion that will show me she's going to stand up for us but she sits there. Her towel is barely hanging on to her wet body and her hair is completely mussed up. I give up looking for my T-shirt and I also give up on the notion that Emily is going to make the first move.

I turn to face the doorway with my arms across my chest, trying to hide my upper body and trying to look defensive all at the same time. I get the feeling that it isn't working.

The mirror image of Emily glares at me and if looks could kill I'd be six feet under right now.

Katie opens her mouth and repeats, "What the fuck?" Her words are being spat at me, like poison but she turns back to stare at her twin who is still motionless on my sheets.

Emily's eyes skitter away from Katie and she looks down at the bed. I sigh and step forward, removing one hand from my chest and holding it out to Katie, "Hi, I don't think we've met. I'm Naomi."

She looks at my hand with disgust and pushes it aside. "Fuck off, bitch. I don't give a fuck who you are, I just want to know what the fuck you were doing to my sister."

I cross my arms again and glance back at Emily, hoping that I can meet her eyes. Why won't she stand up and come over to me and take my hand like I want her to? Why won't she calmly tell her sister that what we do is our own business and not hers?

Emily glances at me for a second but then her eyes travel to Katie. She opens her perfect lips and says, "Katie…Naomi and I…we were just…I mean it's…" She shakes her head and falls silent again because obviously words are failing her.

Katie's fists clench and she takes a step towards my bed and towards Emily, sensing the tension I edge to where I'm almost in between the two. Katie's face is red as she shouts, "What the fuck are you playin at Ems? I leave for a week and you let some fucking muff muncher feel you up? You're so fucking stupid!"

I see tears come to Emily's eyes and I can't help but interjecting, "Katie…it is Katie isn't it?"

Katie turns away from Emily and towards me, her lips twisted into an ugly scowl, "I didn't give you permission to fucking talk to me, bitch, so don't do it."

I smirk back at her, "Well…I'm glad I don't need your permission to talk then, in fact I don't need your permission to do anything and neither does Emily. Now I'd like to know what you're doing in my house…in my room, shouting at me. You have about five seconds to give me a good fucking reason before I kick your skanky ass out to the curb where you belong."

Before I can even blink, Katie's hands shoot out and she shoves me hard. I stumble backwards and my foot catches the leg of my bed, which spins me around and sends me crashing face first to the floor. I put out my hands to catch myself but it's too little too late. I taste the saltiness of blood in my mouth and almost cave into blackness when my face hits the wooden floor.

I hear Emily shout my name but it's all kind of muddled right now. Two similar voices mingle in my mind and I feel them moving around above me. I slowly pull myself into a sitting position and touch my throbbing mouth. My fingers come away wet with a little bit of blood but it doesn't feel too serious, I must have just bitten my lip.

I look over at the two girls standing above me. Emily is still in her towel shouting at Katie for pushing me

I watch still feeling fuzzy as Katie's hand shoots out and smacks Emily in the face. Emily gasps and her hand goes to her cheek that already turning red. Feeling anger washing over me and clearing my mind, I stand up, ready to fucking tackle that bitch for even touching Emily.

However, Katie isn't attacking Emily any further. Actually she's staring at her hand as if it isn't really part of her body. Emily sinks back down to sit on my bed and she looks so little and sad that I want to go hug her. I see a tear slide down the cheek that Katie just slapped and I know that she's seconds away from really crying.

Katie takes a hesitant step towards Emily and I'm ready to intervene before I see that she's not going to hit her again. Instead Katie kneels in front of Emily and tries to meet her eyes. Her voice is sad as she says, "Ems…Katie sham."

I don't know what the fuck that means but for some reason it sounds like an apology. At very least, even if she is speaking gibberish, Katie isn't shouting at Emily any more.

Emily looks up at Katie and her eyes are still filled with tears, "I'm sorry too….but Katie I can't fix this. Please just say it's ok. Please?"

Katie shakes her head and slowly rises, "I can't, Emily. I'm sorry but I just can't. You need to fucking sort this. I shouldn't have hit you but this just isn't us. I can't accept this. I won't tell mum or dad but you need to fucking come to your senses and it would only crush them." She stands up and walks stiffly over to my door, "Emily…I'm going out this door, get dressed and meet me outside, we're going home."

With that Katie walks out of my room and closes the door softly behind her. Emily sits on my bed with a few tears leaking from her eyes. I take a step towards her but she stands up and walks away from me.

"Can I borrow some clothes?" Her voice is quiet and she sounds cold, not like the Emily I've come to know.

"Emily…" I want to tell her to stay, to stand up to Katie, to not leave me like everyone does.

Emily shakes her head and finally looks up at me, "Naomi…please can I just borrow some clothes?"

I swallow the lump that is building in my throat and walk over to my closet. I pull out a random shirt and a pair of shorts and toss them at Emily a little harsher than I needed to. She accepts my anger and motions for me to turn around. I sigh and turn my back to her, hearing the rustle of her towel as it finally gives up on clinging to Emily's body.

I know from the silence and the lack of warmth in the air that this isn't going to go well. I know that as soon as Emily changes, she's going to walk out my door and leave me just like she promised that she never would. I feel a righteous sense of injustice rage through me. She came into my life and made me change how I view my entire world. She forced me to drop my walls and led me to believe that she'd never hurt me. Now, just one day in to being with me, she's going to leave. I feel tears sting my eyes but I push them back inside of me. I'll feel this pain later, right now I need to be strong. I need to look as if this isn't killing me because if Emily knows the pain that she's causing then she'll know that she succeeded in slipping inside my defenses.

A few moments later Emily's soft voice reaches my ears, "You can turn around now."

Her eyes meet mine and she takes a step towards me, "Naomi…I…" Once again when I really need words to come from her lips, they falter and fail.

I lift an eyebrow at her and gesture towards my door with my hand, "Wouldn't want to keep Katie waiting now would we?"

Emily walks over to me and I try to keep my strong façade going even though it's hard with her standing this close. She reaches one hand down and gently touches the back of my hand with one finger. I know if I look at her now, I'll break and I'll ask her to stay so I just don't look at her. I close my eyes and when I feel her lean in and plant a ghost of a kiss on my cheek I clench my fists to keep my hands from reaching for her.

Her voice whispers in my ear, "I'll call you when I can…bye Naomi."

Her words sound final and so does the click the door makes when she finally steps through it and closes it behind her.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Two days…two whole days. I try not to worry about her, I try not to care. Instead I walk around Grandpa Walt's house like a ghost. I don't eat like I should; I didn't really sleep last night. Instead, I worry. I worry about her. I know it's ridiculous to care this much, especially since I'm so royally pissed at the way she left but I can't really help it.

Mum made a huge deal about the cut on my lip and it kind of felt nice that someone was worried about me. But I didn't revel in it like I wanted to. I pushed away the bit of ice she had held out to me and retreated back into my room.

Now here I am, lying on my bed, thoughts swirling around in my mind. I know Mum will want me to come down for dinner soon but I don't think I can force my stomach to take any food in. I check my phone for the thousandth time in about an hour but there's still nothing…not a text, not a missed call.

I let out a huge exasperated sigh and resist the urge to toss my phone across the room, its not the phones fault anyways. It's Emily's. A soft knock on my door makes me sit up quickly. The door opens just a bit.

I expect my mum but instead Grandpa Walt's balding head pokes through my door. He pushes the door open just a bit more and shuffles into the doorway. He looks around the room and blinks, "This used to be Gina's room you know?"

I look at the deep red walls and the bookshelves lining them, "Yeah…I know."

Walt clears his throat roughly pulling my attention back to him, "Well…she's a bit worried about you."

I shrug, "Well she shouldn't be…I can take care of myself."

He smiles, the edges of his eyes crinkling up, "Yeah…I'm the same way myself. Stubborn. I was lucky to find your Grandma Susan…she was the only person who could put up with me."

An unexpected wave of sadness washes over me. I didn't really know Grandma Susan very well thanks to Mum's fight with her. However, it seems sad to me that now Grandpa Walt is stuck inside this house without her. I offer him a smile that I otherwise might have hidden, "Yeah…Mum said that you guys really loved each other."

His voice is rough as he says, "We did." He runs his hand through his thinning white hair and looks at me seriously, "I know that you and I aren't exactly close but I'm a bit worried about you to."

I open my mouth, "I can…"

He interrupts, "Take care of yourself…I know. But Christ you're only seventeen years old. You should be having some fun, making mistakes, falling in and out of love…that kind of stuff. Now look, dinner is ready downstairs. At least come and eat a few bites so that I don't have to listen to Gina bitch all night about how thin you're getting."

"Fucking hell…" I mutter and rise from my bed. As soon as I realize the cusswords that have come out of my mouth I look quickly up at Grandpa Walt.

He chuckles, "Trust me, I've heard worse in my life."

Dinner is actually fairly normal. Grandpa Walt tells some great stories about how much of a prick Mum was when she was a teenager.

After dinner and telling my mum and Grandpa Walt goodnight, I go back up to my room and check my phone again…nothing. I'm just about to give up on Emily. She obviously wasn't ready to handle this situation and I don't need any more drama in my life. I've had about all I can take.

My phone vibrating next to me makes me jump but I look down at the screen. It tells me I have a new text. Opening it up, I read,

**Come to your back door.-Ems**

I don't quite know what to expect as I walk down the stairs in the dark. I try to keep quiet so I don't disturb Mum but the stairs creak a bit beneath my socks. When I reach the door, I take a deep breath. I remind myself not to expect anything, to keep my guard up.

I pull the door open quickly and the sudden movement makes Emily spin around to face me. She's sitting on the steps leading up to the back door and she's dressed in a light shirt and a pair of shorts. I know she has to be freezing because its quite chilly.

"Fuck, Ems…it's quite cold out here. What are you doing?"

She picks up her cell phone from the step next to her and stands up to face me, "I've been sitting here for a bit, trying to work out what to say to you."

I lift an eyebrow at her and lean against the doorframe, "Got it worked out yet?"

She smiles a bit, "Not really…you gonna invite me in?"

"Dunno, haven't quite got it worked out yet." I know I'm being a bit bitchy but she deserves it doesn't she?

Instead of being offended by my mean streak Emily has the audacity to laugh at me, "Naomi…let me in the damn house, we need to talk."

I don't actually invite her in but I do step away from the doorway and walk into the house. I feel Emily follow me and shut the door behind her. She follows me back up the stairs and I grimace as they creak again underneath our weight.

When we reach my room, I gesture for her to go inside and I pull the door shut behind me. I'm about to say something devilishly clever, I think, but Emily steps up to me and pushes her lips against mine. I immediately forget any and all words that could ever come out of my mouth because I'm busy taking hers in.

Her lips move over mine gently but with passion and I'm again lost in the sensation of what it's like to kiss her because to be honest it's fucking fantastic. Her hands travel to my hips and she jerks me closer to her body. There are reasons I shouldn't be enjoying this as much, why her tongue shouldn't be in my mouth right now and my fuzzy brain is trying desperately to function through the fog of Emily's closeness.

When she pulls back to breathe for a bit I finally grasp on to the fact that I'm supposed to be mad at her. She leans back in a bit but I put my hands on her shoulders, stopping her head from leaning in.

Emily's face is filled with confusion, "You alright?"

I step out of her arms and walk across the room where it should be easier to think, "Not really. Jesus, Ems. Your fucking sister walks in on us and you leave and don't call me for two days?"

"Uh…yeah. I told you I'd call you when I could. But I did miss you so I snuck out tonight to come see you."

I shake my head at the way she doesn't seem to know she's pissed me off, "Look…maybe you're just not ready for this. I'm taking all this risk letting you into my life and I really can't be let down, waiting on you to stop being such a fucking coward." My words are really harsh and I see how they hurt her a bit.

Instead of stepping down and apologizing though, Emily steps forward, anger all over her face, "Don't you dare do that…act like you're the only one that's taking a risk with us. Naomi, you don't seem to understand, my family would probably fucking disown me if they found out. I've actually spent the last two days arguing with Katie, trying to convince her to give us a chance. My life has been fucking hell since she walked in on us, if you even knew the shit I've had to put up with. And I snuck over here tonight, knowing that Katie might choose to tell my parents at any moment. I'm sorry I didn't just jump on Katie with guns blazing the other day but she's my fucking sister. I'm willing to risk everything in my life on this and I don't even know what you want from us or me…or even if you fucking like me back an ounce of how much I like you."

I'm taken aback by her huge speech and I'm expecting her to walk out the door but instead she sinks down onto my bed, flops backwards, and puts her hands over her eyes. I realize that I haven't been very fair in my anger towards her. I assumed I was the only one who was scared and nervous about this. I didn't think about the consequences this relationship could have for Emily. I called her a coward even though now I see that she's being incredibly brave.

I walk over to the bed and flop down next to her; I'm surprised when she doesn't pull away because that's probably what I would've done in her shoes.

I reach down and thread my fingers through hers, causing her to turn her head and look at me.

I smile at her and she shakily smiles back. I have a hard time ever admitting I'm wrong but this time I think calls for it, "So…I'm a bit of a fucking twat."

Emily chuckles, "Yeah just a bit but I'm a bit of a fucking coward."

I smile with her and I know that we're both apologizing to each other without actually saying the words, "Well aren't we a pair? Fucking twat and coward."

She rolls over so she's facing me and rests the side of her face on one slender hand, the other one comes up to play with my hair absentmindedly. I smile at how innocent and loving the gesture is all at the same time.

Something she had said is bugging me a bit so I say, "Well you were wrong about one thing."

Her hand stills, "Really, enlighten me."

I roll over so I'm straddling her and her mouth forms a warm smile that's looking up at me. I lean down and brush her lips with a feather light kiss. She goes to deepen it but I pull away and say, "You said you don't know if I like you as much as you like me."

Her brown eyes bore into mine and I see the fear, hope, and wanting mixed within them. I continue, "Well…I do…like you, I mean. A lot. Probably far more than I should."

Her smile spreads across her entire face and I feel a bit emotionally naked at my confession so I try to lighten the mood by saying, "Well, it's either that or the bottle of vodka I drank just before you came over."

Emily laughs because she knows bloody well that I'm not drunk but she lets it slide as she reaches up and starts tickling my side. I try and twist away from her seeking hands and reach down and tickle the bottom of her foot at the same time. Emily's giggles fill up my room and soon we're involved in a full blown tickle fight. She grips my waist and pushes me under her on the bed and begins running her hands up and down my side, causing me to curl into a ball. I'm laughing so hard that I've got tears coming out of my eyes and I whisper, "Give…give…" with what breath I'm able to suck in through my laughter.

Emily settles on top of me and stops tickling me. I look up at her, wiping tears away from my eyes. Emily's eyes find the cut on my lip and she brings up one hand and strokes it with her thumb. "I'm sorry she hurt you," Emily murmurs.

I smile at her to let her know that it's ok now. Emily leans down and gently kisses my bottom lip where the cut is. I pull her in for a deeper kiss and feel her sigh in to my mouth.

As she presses against my body and her lips move over my neck I realize that I do in all honesty like her more than I should. This is only going to be a summer thing and the thought of leaving Emily even after such a short time of knowing her makes me sad. I don't want to leave a bit of my heart behind in Bristol when I return to London but it seems as if Emily isn't going to leave me with a choice.

Emily nips my top lip gently between her teeth and pulls me out of my melancholy thoughts. I don't know what's going to come at the end of the summer for me…or between us. In fact I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow or the next day but for right here and right now, I've got Emily. And that is more than enough.

***A/N: Sorry if it seemed like they made up a little too quickly but I wanted to show that they're able to talk things out and that they can really work as a couple even if they have problems and such. Trust me, there will be enough problems in this fic w/out them fighting with each other…drama coming up soon, pinky promise***


	8. Chapter 8

*** Hope you all enjoy and please keep reading/reviewing. Also! Yay you guys are so awesome, we're at over 100 reviews! It really makes my day/week so I really do appreciate it***

**Letters To Emily: Chapter 8**

**Three Weeks Later**

**Emily's POV**

"I could've held you in my arms forever…and it still wouldn't have been long enough."

I hear Naomi snort next to me and she leans over to whisper, "Aww come on that is such a line, he just wants to get into her pants."

I shush her and turn back to the movie screen where an unreasonably fit guy is now snogging an unreasonably devastating girl. I'm trying to keep tears out of my eyes because I don't want Naomi seeing how much romantic movies always get to me. As the music rises to a crescendo I feel Naomi's hand touch my upper leg. I immediately lace my fingers with hers and smile over at her. She's watching the movie just as intently as I was and I see a glint of a tear in her eye. I can't help but laugh at how even Naomi who pretends to be a badass cries at such an obvious chick flick.

After the movie Naomi and I step out into the evening and she immediately lets go of my hand. I can't help but miss the warmth but I know that she does it for my sake because all we need is Katie or my parents seeing us together or something. Naomi and I stand a bit awkwardly outside of the theatre.

Never did I think that when Katie came home early from Spain, upset because Danny had cheated on her, and then walked in on me and Naomi that it would end up this nicely. Sure at first it was a bit shit because I argued with Katie for about two days straight and she was a right cow about it. However, in the end I knew she wouldn't tell Mom and Dad on me because even she knew how bad it would all blow up. Also, in the end she is my sister and I think that on some level she does care about my feelings.

These past few weeks have been lovely. Naomi and I've hung out every single day for three weeks. She's somehow snuck in to become such a part of my life that I have a hard time imagining it without her now. We spend our days doing silly things like watching cartoons, seeing trashy movies, and yesterday we went for a picnic in the park. Slowly but surely I see Naomi letting me in. Katie's not bothered me about spending all my time with Naomi because she's out on the prowl searching for a new boyfriend but she is giving me the silent treatment. For the most part, the silent treatment from her is welcome. That way I don't have to hear her bitch and moan all the time about every fucking thing but on the other hand I do miss my sister a bit.

I shiver a bit at the cold damp in the air from the last rainstorm and Naomi quickly shrugs off her jacket.

"Here, Ems. Don't want you getting too cold."

I smile at her as she slips it over my bare shoulders, "You know you like to pretend like you're so cool but really at heart you're just a big softie. I saw you crying in the movie you know."

Naomi scoffs at me but she's still smiling a bit, "Yeah right. I just had a bit of dust in my eye that's all."

I smirk back at her knowing the full truth, "Of course…dust in your eye." She sticks her tongue out at me and gives me a light shove. I like this…us being light and happy, it feels right.

I grip Naomi's hand and pull her into the alleyway that runs right next to the theatre. The lights from the street barely reach back there and soon we're enveloped in a soft darkness. I push her gently against the brick wall of the theatre and I hear her gasp as I run my hands down her sides and up the hem of her top. When my fingers find her skin I feel my breath begin to hitch as I feel how soft she is.

I lean over and gently press my lips to the side of her neck and she tilts her head back a bit to give me better access. I place butterfly kisses down her neck and gently push aside her top so that I can kiss her shoulder. She pulls me tight to her body and I feel mine begin to hum and tingle as her legs, tummy, chest, and arms all press firmly into me. I bury my face in her soft blonde hair and breathe her in.

"Emily." She whispers my name like it's the only word that has meaning right now and I pull back a bit and look at her eyes shining in the darkness. I can barely make out the frame of her face but I know it by heart anyways. Every curve, every freckle, every turn of her lips, and lifting of her eyebrow. I lean in and place my hungry lips on her soft ones. Being the Naomi that she is, she sighs into the kiss and pulls me in even deeper. Her bottom teeth gently pull on my bottom lip and her tongue slides over mine and it tastes of heaven.

I know that we should stop. That we should slow down. We're in an alleyway for Christsakes but Naomi makes me lose any and all ambition that I have. I press her harder to the brick and plunge deeper into our kiss. Her arms wrap around the back of my neck and she buries her slender fingers in my hair probably fucking it up completely but I don't care because she feels so right. I hastily pull away from her mouth and start nibbling down her jaw line, wanting to feel more of her skin, wanting to taste every part of her.

"Fuck, Emily," she moans into my hair as I gently bite down on her earlobe. She sounds out of breath and completely turned on which I can totally relate to. Naomi doesn't even seem to know how hot she is which is a bit of a shame but makes me want to show her how irresistible I find her. My lips again find her neck and I gently nip the skin there with my teeth then massage the hurt away with a flick of my tongue. Naomi seems to like it because she lets out a deep moan and tilts her neck back again.

Suddenly I'm pulled out of my Naomi haze by a vibrating in my pocket followed swiftly by my ring tone. "I'm a Bitch" by Meredith Brooks spills from my jeans and I sigh.

**I'm a bitch **

**I'm a lover,  
I'm a child,  
I'm a mother,  
I'm a sinner,  
I'm a saint,  
and I do not feel ashamed.  
I'm your hell….**

I step away from Naomi and finally manage to fumble my phone from my pocket. I flip it open and press it to my ear. I hear loud music in the background and a lot of yelling. Even if I didn't have the ring tone set for her I'd know exactly who was calling me.

"Katie?"

I hear Katie's words slurring as she yells into the phone, "Emily! Get your ass down here, Freds is having a party and it's fucking top notch!"

I look up at Naomi who is smiling at me and still holding my sides with her hands, "No thanks, Katie. I'm kind of busy."

"Fucking loser! Get over here. Freds house, right now. I won't take no for an answer!"

With a click she's gone and I sigh as I hang up. Naomi gently brushes a strand of hair out of my eyes, "I'm guessing that was Katiekins?"

I laugh at how sarcastically she says Katie's sweet little nickname, "Yeah, there's a party at Freddie's house and she 'won't take no for an answer'," I lift up my fingers and put quotes around what Katie bellowed at me over the phone.

Naomi laces our fingers together, "Do you wanna go?"

I blink in surprise, "You mean you would?"

She laughs a bit, "Yeah, I mean your friends seemed cool the couple of times I met them, apart from getting chased by gangsters and fighting off wankers on the dance floor."

I know that I sound kind of weak as I say, "But what about Katie?"

Naomi sighs and I know that she's getting a bit frustrated at me for not sticking up to Katie. I know that to her it looks simple but nothing with Katie and I is ever simple. We have one of the most complex relationships that I've ever heard of. She loves me, at least I think she does and I love her unconditionally but she also is annoying, bitchy, hurts me on purpose, and controls me. I just let her.

Still, even though my sister and I are a bit fucked up doesn't mean I have to let it ruin my chances with Naomi so I grip Naomi's hand and smile at her, "Well then, lets get to this little party and fuck Katie if she has anything to say about it."

Naomi smiles at me, grips my hand, and we walk out of the alley together and in to the street. This time she doesn't let go of my hand.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

By the time we arrive at Freddie's house it seems as if the party has already been in full swing for quite some time. Naomi and I stand in the front yard looking at the lit up house, feeling the bass pumping from inside and I swear my heart is beating a mile a minute. There is so much potential for things to go wrong tonight with Katie here but I'm not going to hide anymore. Naomi has put up with us sneaking around for three weeks now and its time to prove to her that I'm not going to be a fucking coward anymore Naomi squeezes my hand gently and then let's go of it and I take it as my signal to start the walk of doom.

We step over someone passed out on the sidewalk and go up to the front door. It swings open before we get to it and Cook stands there swaying gently, "Naomi, babe you came!"

He leans forward and plants a wet kiss on Naomi's cheek, I think he meant it for her lips but it's clear that he's more than a bit fucked up. Naomi pushes him away and wipes her cheek with a look of disgust on her face.

Cook leans over to give me the same treatment but suddenly J.J. appears behind him and pulls him back into the house. I smile at J.J. and wrap him in a warm hug. Cook gives up on trying to molest me and returns to the party, screaming at the top of his lungs. J.J. shakes his head and manages to choke out, "He's…he's been drinking a lot. Bottle of vodka before we got here and pills when we got here…Dunno Ems I gotta go make sure he doesn't cause any trouble."

J.J follows Cook into the house and I can see him shaking even from here. I know that J.J. is just a short bit away from getting locked on and becoming a muttering mess but he's stuck in the idea that he has to take care of Cook.

Naomi edges in the doorway next to me and I smile over at her. We take in the party together. There are people lying on the floor, curled around the bottles of liquor that sent them there. Some people are dancing in the middle of Freddie's living room and I spot Effy in the middle of it all twirling and spinning with a huge smile on her face.

I also see Cook sneak up behind her and his hand wraps around her waist. He grinds his hips into her and Effy continues dancing with him behind her. I know if Freddie were watching this it could cause some problems. Naomi catches what they are doing too and I hear her mutter in my ear, "Fuck…what's she doing? That's a good way to piss Freddie off."

I shrug and take Naomi's hand again, more so we don't lose each other rather than wanting to flaunt that we're a couple. I pull her into the crowd, wanting to find something to drink and a relatively quiet corner where I can have Naomi to myself. I feel her hand tighten on mine so she doesn't lose me in the press of bodies.

I finally manage to get us into the kitchen and there I see bottles lined up on the counter. I wrap my hand around a bottle of vodka and smile at Naomi. She smiles back at me and pulls me out of the kitchen and back into the throng of people. She pulls me into the living room where the people are still dancing to a techno song and before I know it she's pressed up against me swaying to the beat of the music. I wrap one hand around her waist, glad that the press of people gives me an excuse to be so close to her. Naomi grabs the bottle of vodka out of my hands, untwists the top, and tilts it up, taking a quick swig. She grimaces at it's bitterness but presses it back in to my hands and I take a swig as well.

As time passes, so does the bottle and before I know it I'm feeling a bit light and giggly. Naomi has spun around and is now dancing with her bum to me and I grip her hips, pulling her even closer. I push her hair aside and kiss the back of her neck lightly. I know we shouldn't be acting like this here, not with Katie around here somewhere and not with all my friends able to see it but even without the alcohol I have trouble containing myself around Naomi.

"Emily!" At the sound of my name I look up, blinking at the sudden lightheadedness that comes from moving my head so fast.

Sure enough there is Katie standing there right beside me. Her arms are crossed and I see that she is well beyond pissed off and a little fucked up based on the faraway look in her eyes.

Naomi sees her as well and immediately stops grinding on me. We all stare at each other a little awkwardly with people dancing all around us but suddenly Katie lunges forward and grabs my hand. She begins pulling me through the crowd and then Naomi grabs my other hand so she's being pulled along as well.

Katie pulls us through the crowd and up the stairs where the noise isn't so loud. Once we reach the top of the landing, I pull my hand from hers, "Katie, what the fuck are you doing?"

She spins and glares at me, then at Naomi, then at our linked hands, "We're going somewhere to talk because this has got to fucking stop."

I decide that stupid is the best way to play this, "What has to stop? Naomi and I were just dancing. It's a fucking party!" My words are slurring a bit and I think I forgot which ones I wanted to say but I'm pretty sure I got most of it out.

Katie glares at me, "Emily, I'm not a fucking idiot! You two weren't just dancing."

"Were too." Probably the most childish comeback but its all I can think of.

I hear Naomi cover up a giggle with a cough behind me and Katie sighs, "Fuck it all, Naomi you've got a monstrous hickey on your neck and Ems, you're hair looks like you just got raped by the whole Bristol Rovers team."

This time Naomi can't hold in the giggles and I laugh a bit too even though I should be scared to death in this situation. I see that Katie doesn't know how to take our laughs so she pulls on a pout and turns around.

She motions to the two of us to follow her and for an instant I want to just turn and run and not face the confrontation that's sure to come. However, Naomi quickly squeezes my hand and flashes me a brave smile and somehow I find the courage to follow my sister to the door of a bedroom.

Katie pushes open the door and she's saying, "Look you two…" but then she stops. I peer around her shoulder to see what has stopped her and there I see Cook and Effy on the bed in a very uncompromising position.

"Ooooh, grab my balls, grab my balls," Cook moans and I unable to help it I bust out laughing. I see him stiffen and he rolls off Effy with incredible speed. Effy looks up at us, her mouth in a perfect 'o' shape. Katie, me, and Naomi all just stand there staring and Cook and Effy seem frozen in the moment too.

I'm waiting on someone to break the silence and as if on cue, Naomi pipes up, "Someone say something for Christ's sake."

Cook rolls to the side of the bed and pulls a cigarette out of his pocket, he lights it nonchalantly but I see his hands are shaking. "Nothing to say, Naomikins. A fuck's a fuck."

He stands up and I turn my face away because that's a lot more of Cook than I ever hoped to see. By the time I turn back round, Cook has his pants on. He walks towards us and brushes past me to get out the door. I watch him as he descends the staircase, putting on his shirt and then he's gone, disappeared into the party again.

Katie, Naomi, and I turn back to look at Effy who is still lying in the bed with the covers up around her shoulders.

Effy opens her mouth and out slurs, "Iss not what you think."

Katie bursts out with, "Oh yeah!? Because it looked like you were cheating on your boyfriend by fucking his best friend!"

Effy looks down at the sheets that are covering her and I see something that I never expected to see from Effy Stonem. She has tears in her eyes. Katie snorts in disgust and pushes Naomi and I out of the doorway and swiftly shuts it behind herself.

I want to go back in and talk to Effy because even though her and I have never been close something must be going on with her for her to fuck Cook. Katie opens her mouth and I'm thinking that she's finally going to blow her fuse and cuss me out but just then someone from downstairs starts yelling. At first I can't make out what they are saying but then it comes to me.

"Cops! Everybody run!"

At first I feel a bit indignant, we're probably all of legal age to drink at this party then I remember that faraway look in Katie and Effy's eyes and decide that there must have been some drugs as well…too bad there's no legal age for them.

Naomi grips my hand and pulls me towards the stairs and oddly enough I reach out to grab Katie because I don't want to leave her behind. I know that she's had some of whatever they are getting high on. Katie stumbles behind me. As we get to the bottom of the stairs, cops are coming in through the front door so Naomi jerks me down a side hallway and we run towards the kitchen where I vaguely remember there was a door leading to the back. There's people running on either side of us and I'm getting a bit squished in the crowd but suddenly we're out and kids are scattering all over the garden.

Naomi and I have almost reached the street when suddenly I realize that Katie's hand is no longer in mine. I stop and Naomi almost jerks my arm out of the socket at the sudden change in speed. She gives my arm a brief tug, "Ems…come on we gotta go."

I turn to look at her and murmur, "Katie…" Naomi knows exactly what I mean and I see the indecision in her eyes.

"Fuck it, come on." She sighs and pulls me back towards the party. It's hard going against the stream of kids that are trying to flee the police but Naomi elbows and shoves her way through the crowd. That's when we see Katie sitting on the ground holding her leg and crying.

I rush to her side and grab her shoulder, "Katie what happened?"

"Fucking stupid tosser knocked me down…I hurt my ankle."

I struggle to help her up but I hear the cops outside the garden fence and I know that they're going to come in soon. Katie gives a gasp of pain and sinks back to the grass and I know I'm not going to be able to shift her.

Katie looks up at me, "Just go, Ems. I don't want you to get in trouble too."

Fuck Katie for picking now to be so nice, now I can't bloody leave her. Naomi surprises me by leaning down and pulling Katie's arm up and around her shoulders. "Come on, Ems," she says. I lean and do the same with Katie's other arm.

I see on Katie's face that she's shocked but Naomi and I manage to half carry her over to the garden fence. I look back at the garden gate as a cop suddenly sees us at the edge of the garden, "Hey girls. Stop right there!"

Naomi lifts Katie so that she can grab the top of the fence and I push on her bum to help her pull herself over. Katie drops down on the other side and Naomi forms a cup with her hand and motions for me to put my foot in it. "Go on, I've got long arms, I'll be able to reach the top and pull myself over," she says.

"Ladies, I'm warning you stop right now!" I see the cop begin to walk over to us but he's hesitant because the garden is so dark.

I quickly put my foot in Naomi's hand and feel her heave me towards the top of the fence. I topple over the top and land on Katie, knocking her down onto the sidewalk. "Fucking hell!" Katie yells and pushes me off her.

I stand up quickly and I look back at the fence, feeling a bit worried for Naomi but I shouldn't have because she rises to the top of the fence a second later and lands lightly on her feet like she's been hopping 5 foot fences her whole life.

She reaches a hand down to help Katie up but Katie pushes it away, "Fuck off, lezzer."

Naomi snorts and doesn't move, "Look, you don't like me any more than I like you but if you're going to get home tonight you need my help. Better fucking get used to it."

I see Katie squint her eyes and I know that she's seconds away from going in to stubborn mode so I say, "Listen you stupid twat, we can leave you here for the police or you can accept Naomi's help and we'll take you home, its your choice either way but I'm not sticking around for you if you decide to be a fucking bitch about it."

Both Naomi and Katie are surprised at how I've spoken up for myself but I can't help it when Katie is being such a bitch. It's my turn to be surprised when Katie hesitantly reaches up and takes Naomi's outstretched hand. Without a word Naomi and I both resume our positions under Katie's arms and we all hobble towards home.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Naomi and I walk in to her house after dropping Katie off at my house. I could tell she didn't like that I was going home with Naomi but after me hauling her ass all the way home there wasn't much she could say about it.

Naomi pulls me up to her bedroom and immediately flops on to her bed, "Last time I'm going to a party with you and your mates."

I laugh and flop down next to her, "At least they're always eventful."

Naomi laughs as well and answers, "Yeah but one time we're not going to luck out and some gangster is going to beat the shit out of us and then the cops are going to arrest us."

I roll over so that I can run my hands along her perfectly flat little tummy. Naomi shuts her eyes and sighs gently at my movements, "Thanks for helping Katie tonight."

Naomi's eyes open and she looks over at me, "Well…she's your sister. She's important to you and what's important to you is important to me."

I smile down at her and she reaches a hand up to trace my face. I turn my head and kiss her palm. "You were awesome at climbing that fence by the way."

Naomi chuckles at the new random topic, "Yeah, I've jumped plenty of fences in my day. Ran from plenty of coppers too."

I'm intrigued. Naomi has ran from coppers before? "Really?" I ask. "What else don't I know about you?"

Naomi shrugs, "I dunno. What do you want to know?"

Seriously I want to know everything about her. After spending a full three weeks with her I want to know every random little detail about her. My mind settles on a stupid little question, "What's your favourite colour?"

Naomi rolls over to look at me, "Really that's what you want to know?"

"Yeah sure, I want to get to know everything about you."

Naomi smiles at me but she doesn't answer. I lean over her, "So what's the answer then?"

Naomi still doesn't answer so I roll on top of her so that I'm straddling her, "Come on Naomi. Give me the answer. I'll tickle torture you if you don't."

I poise my hands above her ticklish stomach but she finally caves. She looks away from me but mutters, "Brown."

I laugh a bit. "Brown? That's such a random colour. It's so plain and just…ugh. Why in the world would you like it?"

Naomi turns to look at me and I see that her face is serious, "Your eyes are brown."

I'm struck dumb at how romantic, cheesy, sweet, and absolutely lovely that was. Never before has anyone thought that any part of me was special. Unable to help myself I lean down and kiss Naomi gently on her lips. I try to put all the awe I'm feeling in to the kiss and Naomi seems to realize it because she holds me lovingly and kisses me gently.

As we break to get air I lean my head down on Naomi's forehead and stare in to her eyes. That's when it hits me. I could easily, very easily fall in total love with this girl and I think that I might already have. A small smile crosses Naomi's face and she pulls me down to lay next to her. I rest my head against her shoulder as she wraps both of her arms around me.

Sleep is beginning to pull at me when I hear, "Ems…what's your favourite colour?"

The thought of how her eyes sear into me makes me smile and I murmur, "Blue."

***A/N-Wow super long chapter, hope it wasn't boring but there was a lot to cover. Pls let me know if you liked it/or hated it, either way.***


	9. Chapter 9

***Thanks again for the reviews…I promised quicker updates and I'm going to try and stick to that.**

**To Suiceene: Your points about the last chapter were all completely valid and I in no way take offense at constructive criticism b/c it's what I need. I think that the problem with Chapter 8 is that it didn't figure in my original plans for the story but someone hinted that they would like a bit more development before the drama began so I put in chapter 8. It wasn't very well thought out and for that I apologize as a writer. If anyone would like to see me rewrite chapter 8 but a bit more realistic I'd more than happily comply. Please just let me know if it's something you'd like to see done again…but hopefully better. Again, thanks for the critique and for all the reviews you've given me…they are all helpful and appreciated.***

**Letters To Emily:**

**Chapter 9**

**Naomi's POV**

I wake up completely too early and with a slight headache from the vodka that Ems and I drank at the party. I roll over, trying to escape from the sunlight peeking through my blinds and roll right into Emily. Lucky for me she's a heavy sleeper and bar a small groan, she doesn't show signs of waking.

I lean on my hand and just watch Emily while she sleeps, that probably sounds a bit creepy but it's the only time when I feel I can just stare at her without worrying that I'm revealing how much I actually like her. These past three weeks have been beyond amazing. I don't usually let anyone in but around Emily, everything seems to be lighter…happier. I guess the truth is I'm happier. I watch Emily's chest rise and fall with her deep breaths and I smile at the way her hair falls over her face and the way her lips tend to move as if she's talking to someone but no noises come out. I feel the same tightening in my chest that I always feel when I know I'm getting too close to her. I've been feeling it day in and day out…the need to run away…to push her away. I know that we're getting too close and that I'm not far from never ever wanting to let her go. I also know that I can't be like that; it's not fair to her. If I admit to myself and to Emily that I need her…that I want her, then me leaving at the end of the summer is going to get altogether too messy.

It's better to keep it as we have it now. We have fun. We kiss; hold hands, cuddle a bit and everything is kept light and happy. However, every time she opens her mouth, I hope a little bit that she's going to say those three little words that would mean the world to me. I want it but at the same time I fear to hear them because I know that would utterly tear me to bits. I can't love Emily…I'm not even supposed to like her.

I sigh and roll over, lacing my fingers over my eyes. Fucking hell when did things get so complicated? I wish for the thousandth time that Emily lived in London and I'd met her years ago. I wish that she'd been there to pull me through the time when both my parents abandoned me. For some reason I feel like I'm a tainted and damaged version of the Naomi I was a few years ago. I wish that Emily could have met the whole version of me, rather than this shell lying next to her.

I have a feeling that she would've liked me back then more than I am now. I was more trustful, more innocent, more open. Then the world fucked me over when my family shattered in to a million pieces and everything I once thought was true turned out to be a lie. So I had to put up defenses and not open myself up.

The problem now was that Emily was forcing me to open up. I almost welcomed the change, having someone I could be comfortable with. But I couldn't really afford to be comfortable with her, could I? No, because in about two months I would be booking it back to London and away from her.

Emily sighs in her sleep and pulls me from my conflicting emotions. I want to roll over and wrap my arms around her. I want to pull her close and forget that I ever have to leave. I want to really let her in and be with her completely but I can't. Instead I gently swing my legs over the side of the bed and get up slowly so I don't wake her up.

After she's slept with me all these nights in the same bed, I wonder if she's starting to notice that she wakes up alone for the most part? She probably has and it's probably hurting her but I can't stand staying there, seeing her eyes when she first opens them because when that happens I realize that's all I want to see for the rest of my life, her waking up to me.

I slip out of my bedroom door, wincing as it creaks a bit but Emily just rolls over and sleeps on. I go downstairs to get a bit of breakfast and my mom is poddering around the kitchen already fixing something. She turns when she sees me walk in, "Mornin' love…Would you like some eggs and soldiers?"

I shake my head at how bloody chipper she always is in the morning. Not natural. "No…I'll just have some yoghurt."

"Alright, what about Emily? What does she like for breakfast?"

I poke around in the refrigerator getting my breakfast out, "I dunno, Mum. Not sure if she's staying for breakfast."

"You two are becoming fast friends aren't you?"

Something about the way she says it makes me pull my head out of the refrigerator quickly. I struggle to make my voice sound nonchalant as I say, "I don't know…she's someone to hang out with I guess. No big deal."

Mum quirks her eyebrow at me and for a second I see myself in her, "Naomi…love, she spends almost every night over here and if you're out of the house I can be sure you're with her."

I throw up my hands, "Alright, Mum she's my friend. Do you have to make such a bloody big deal out of it?"

Mum reels back a bit, probably wondering why I'm so defensive over my relationship with Emily. If only she knew. She sounds a bit confused as she says, "Well…all I meant was that I'm happy you have a friend. You haven't had many friends in London and Emily seems like a very sweet girl. I'm just happy for you is all."

I immediately feel as I've given away too much by jumping down Mum's throat and I mutter an apology, grab my yoghurt, and get the hell out of there.

As I walk into the hallway I hear Mum call after me, "Oh…Naomi dear, I'm going to take your Grandfather for a checkup right after breakfast, would you like to come?"

I call back over my shoulder, "No, you know I hate going to the doctor's office."

She doesn't say anything else but I can feel her silent disapproval from here, I think its some sort of special power that parents have. I leave her behind though, forcing myself to shrug off her disappointment. I climb the stairs and open the door to my room, expecting to see Emily still curled up in bed but she's actually out of bed and tugging her pants up. We both prefer to sleep in the bare minimum of clothes, meaning knickers or T-shirts but so far no sex at our sleepovers.

She looks up at me when the door opens and smile, "Good morning."

I blink at her a bit stupidly, "Where are you going?"

Ems finally struggles into her pants and picks up her bag, she walks over to me and gives me a kiss on the cheek, "My mum called and she wants me to come home. Something about 'not seeing me for days.' She can be so dramatic sometimes."

I stifle the bit of disappointment I feel and force myself to remain nonchalant, "Oh…ok. Well I'll just see you later, I suppose."

I see a little bit of hurt flash across her face at my passive response, especially after last night when I muttered that bloody stupid line about my favourite colour being brown like her eyes. I feel my cheeks burn with a bit of embarrassment at the memory but I try and cover it up by leaning in and kissing her gently on the lips.

She smirks into the kiss and when I pull away she murmurs, "You know you're going to miss me."

I try to stop from smiling because her words are one hundred percent true but instead I say, "Actually I'm rather busy today…lots of stuff to do."

Emily lifts her eyebrow at me, "Oh really? What?"

I gesture around the room with my hands as if loads of things to do are just waiting around, "Well…just stuff."

Emily laughs at me, "Naomi I'm the only person you know in this bloody town so you've got nothing to do. Don't worry though, after a bit of family time, I'm all yours again. Promise."

She leans in and kisses my lips again. I pull her closer to my body and deepen the kiss, wanting to get as much of her as I can before I have to spend the day with out her. Things are just getting interesting as my hand creeps up Emily's shirt but she backs away and tosses a wink to me before she slides out my bedroom door.

I sit on my bed, still holding my yoghurt but then I realize I don't have a spoon. Instead of walking downstairs to get one I chuck the yoghurt onto my dresser and lay back down in bed. Now that Emily is gone for the majority of the day, there's nothing for me to do but catch up on my sleep. I lay my head down on the pillow that Emily was using and breathe in her scent. It's so hard to remain distant around her and I have a feeling like I'm failing miserably at keeping my cool façade. I spend a few more minutes worrying about what to do when I seem to constantly slip up around her but eventually sleep begins to pull on my mind and I even though I'm worrying, I fall asleep breathing Emily in and hugging her pillow tight.

A buzzing sound pulls me from my sleep and I wonder what the fuck it is before I realize that it's my cell phone vibrating on my dresser. With a sigh I reach over and fumble around a bit before I can actually pick it up.

"Hello"

I hear Emily laugh, "Jesus, Naomi…were you sleeping?"

I look over at my clock and realize that its now five o' clock which means I was sleeping for about nine hours. I blink at the numbers before I realize they aren't going to change. Bloody hell I did sleep a long time.

"Naomi?"

I realize that I've left Emily hanging, "Uh…yeah I dozed back off again after you left."

"I guess I wear you out, huh?"

I lean back onto my pillows and smile at the sexy way she says it, "Yeah…you certainly do Miss Fitch. When can I expect you back over so you can wear me out for another couple of hours?"

Emily laughs, "Actually, I was wondering if you wanted to pop over here?"

That makes me sit up, "What? Come over your house? With Katie? And your parents? Why in the world would I do that?"

I hear Emily sigh before she says, "Look, Katie isn't at home now and I don't think she'll be in for dinner. My mum was wondering why I wasn't at home much anymore so I told her you and I were friends and she says that she wants to meet you. So she wants you to come over for dinner."

I bite my bottom lip and wonder about what I should do. I don't know if I really want to meet Emily's family, especially if her mum is wondering if there's something going on between her daughter and me. However, if Katie isn't going to be there perhaps everything could work out ok.

I summon up my courage and tell Emily, "Alright then…what time should I be over?"

After Emily tells me the time and we hang up I leap out of my bed and immediately start scanning my closet. What the hell should I wear to a dinner where I'm going to meet my sort of girlfriend's parents where they don't know I'm her girlfriend? I decide on something modest, responsible looking, and classy.

Just as I've got my outfit on Mum pops in my door. She takes one look at me and starts laughing, "Who died, love?"

I throw a scowl her way and straighten the long black skirt I decided to wear. That coupled with button up gray top and my hair pulled back, I think I look the model of who parents should want their kids to hang out with. I was even going to check and see if Grandpa had any low prescription glasses I could wear. Every little bit helps.

Mum walks in as if she owns the place and sits down on the edge of my bed. I chance a quick look at my clock and sigh. She picks now for a talk? I've only got about fifteen minutes before I need to be at Emily's house.

Mum pats the bed next to her and smiles a wide grin up at me. I remain standing but ask, "What?"

"I've got some good news."

I shrug my shoulders, "What? Can it not wait? I'm on my way over to Emily's right now and…"

"No, it can't wait. You know Grandfather and I went to the doctor today, right?"

I'm immediately confused. She said it was good news but I don't see how that scenario can end happily, "Right…what's up?"

"Well the doctor said that he's progressing quite nicely and he's probably out of any real danger at the moment. So your grandfather and I talked about it and he doesn't like putting us out like this no matter how much he enjoys having us here. He wants me to help him hire a nurse to pop around at least once a day and check up on him. So that means that you and I can go back to London once he has that sorted. We filled out the paperwork today and I've already spoken to several…"

I interrupt my mum in mid sentence, "What? Leave Bristol? But we're supposed to be here for three months. It's only been just one."

Mum looks up at me, confused, "I know, love. But you told me you hated it so much here when we first arrived that I thought you'd like to leave as soon as Grandfather Walt was better."

I struggle for the words to make her understand why I need to stay here, why I can't leave Emily but no words come to me. I feel tears start to prick my eyes and Mum stands up, watching me and she's obviously very concerned.

She starts towards me with open arms but I hold my hands out to fend her off, "Look, Mum, I don't mind Bristol so much anymore. I'd like the stay the whole summer."

She smiles at me, "Ok, love. That's fine. If you want to stay the rest of the summer then we'll stay I was just trying to make you happy."

I give her a nod, "Ok…thanks. Well I'm off to Emily's house."

I duck out my door and run down the stairs. Whereas leaving Emily right now would be incredibly hard, I can't help but wonder for a brief second if it might be the best thing. It'll only be harder after the whole summer. I open the front door and step out in to the night. I sigh and push aside thoughts of leaving and how I'm going to do it. Right now I need to steel myself for what I'm sure is going to be a very eventful dinner.

***A/N: Sorry if this chapter seems like it's a bit too much filler…its really just Naomi's thoughts about everything and how she's dealing/worrying about it all. Pls let me know what you thought by clicking the little button below***


	10. Chapter 10

**Letters To Emily:**

**Chapter 10**

**Emily's POV**

I stare into my reflection and wish that I didn't have to deal with a mirror every single second of every single day. Being a twin…being Katie's twin is exhausting and sometimes quite painful. It's mostly because of her that I don't like my looks. I see how our lips look twisted in a sneer…I see how ugly our features can be when there is anger and jealousy raging within. Katie has been controlling me and putting me down for so long I've begun to dislike even looking at her. Too bad I look just like her. I breathe in the silence that is altogether too rare in our room. With Katie gone…even just for a night, I actually feel like I can breathe. When she's in here with me I feel smothered. Actually, I feel more like her shadow. She's the real thing, I'm just the pale copy. I push a strand of hair behind my ear and immediately pull it back out with a sigh. No fucking use.

I squint my eyes at the girl in the mirror. She looks so small, unconfident, insignificant. I wonder for the thousandth time what a girl like Naomi sees in me. She's so incredibly beautiful. I'm just…Emily. I tug at the top that I'm wearing and immediately regret the fit of confidence that hit me when I tried it on. Katie was right. She'd said, "You know it doesn't look as good on you."

Nothing ever did. Katie tried on clothes, boys, and drugs with utter confidence. Never apologizing and never unsure. In some respects I envied her but in others I hated the way she'd changed me. She was the sneer in our lips and the anger in our eyes. She was what made me ugly and useless to the world. Even though I envied her reckless abandonment, I never, ever wanted to be like her. I never wanted to be someone who used people for their own gain. I could never ruin someone I loved like she'd ruined me.

The sound of the doorbell pulls me away from my reflection and with one last look at the scared little girl in the mirror I walk away from her and down to the girl waiting for me.

As I open the front door, I almost don't recognize Naomi. She's wearing her hair in a small bun, a black skirt, and a button up top. She looks really…neat. A smile dances across my face and I struggle to hold a snort of laughter in my mouth.

Naomi quirks her eyebrows at me as if to ask what the fuck I'm laughing at. That look only makes my giggles come quicker until I'm holding my hand up to my mouth to hold the short snorts in. I step out of the door and pull it shut behind me.

Finally I'm able to calm my laugher and Naomi sighs, "You done?"

I swallow another fit of laugher and nod quickly.

Naomi smiles at me, "Well…when you asked me over to yours for dinner, I kind of imagined you actually inviting me inside but…standing on your doorstep is nice too."

I shake my head, "Sorry. It's just…I mean what are you wearing? You look like a school teacher."

She fakes a stern look and tries to put on a mean voice, "Emily Fitch, you haven't been paying attention in class. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to stay after with me in my office."

I laugh at her horrible teacher impression step a bit closer, "I'm awfully sorry, Miss. I deserve to be punished for being such a bad girl."

Naomi tries to keep the stern look for just a second but then busts out laughing with me. Shaking my head I pull her into a quick hug and I feel her body stiffen against mine. I know exactly what she's worried about, "Don't worry my mum is in the kitchen and Dad is watching telly. They won't see us."

I feel her immediately relax against me and her arms slide up my back to pull me closer. Just as quickly as she pulled me closer she pushes me away a bit to look into my eyes. She murmurs, "Well…then they won't see me do this."

She leans forward and as her lips cover mine I shiver at the now familiar tingle that spreads across my entire being whenever she's kissing me. She nips my bottom lip gently with her teeth and I wrap my arms around the back of her neck, pulling her closer and deepening the kiss all in the same move.

I know we shouldn't be doing this here on my front step and Naomi knows it too. She pulls away from me a bit and leans her forehead against mine. I open my eyes to stare into her blue ones.

"Hi," she whispers

"Hi to you too," I whisper back. "Are you ready for this?"

She smiles and pulls back from our hug, straightening her shirt, "Ready as I'll ever be. Take me to the firing squad."

"Oh come on…they're just my family. No big deal."

She smirks back at me, "Really? Well, let's see the only person I've ever met from your family is Katie. She's a bundle of joy, isn't she?"

I laugh as we walk inside and I try and hide the fact that I'm just as nervous as Naomi is…probably more so. I really want my family to like because I really like her. As soon as I pull Naomi into the house, my mum comes bursting from the kitchen.

"Naomi! So nice to finally meet you."

They shake hands and before I know it Mum has pulled Naomi into the dining room, chatting her ear the entire time. Naomi tosses me a quick smile as if to say, "See the outfit worked."

I sit down next to Naomi and my mum yells, "Boys, stop staring at that idiot box and come have dinner!"

She runs off to the kitchen to get the food and Naomi turns to look at me, "Well…your Mum actually seems quite nice. What are we having for dinner by the way?"

"Well I hope you like eggplant and artichokes."

Naomi's face turns quickly pale and she blanches just as my mum brings in the eggplant casserole and the artichoke soup that she considers her specialty. My dad walks in with James and they take their seats at the table. I see James' mouth turn upside down when he catches the familiar aroma of our most hated meal.

Dad smiles at Mum as she sits down, "Ahhh, what a wonderful meal. You feed us like kings, love." He then turns to Naomi and says, "Hi, you must be Naomi. Emily has told us all about you. Nice to see her making some friends other than that boy."

"Dad…" I immediately protest for J.J.'s sake.

Dad holds up his hand, "Now…Emily. I didn't mean anything bad by it, he's a nice young man but I don't like my little girls getting close with any boy, good or bad. They only get ideas." He winks at Naomi and taps the side of his nose. I see her hide a smirk and I have to keep from laughing as well. If only Dad knew that Naomi stood a far greater chance of getting in my knickers than any boy.

Mum and Dad immediately tuck in to the soup and casserole but Naomi, James, and I exchange a tired look. James and I at least know how to mask the horrible taste of the food. We both got juice to drink but Naomi had requested water and now I'm sure she was regretting it.

Dinner is going well, we're all talking and luckily my parents are staying away from awkward topics such as boys. As I watch Naomi chat and laugh with my dad and mum I find myself actually believing for a minute that I live in a world where I could just tell them that I am gay and they'll be ok with it. I mean, they like Naomi and I certainly like her. Maybe J.J. was right and I was building this up too much in my head.

Just as I'm busy fooling myself the front door slams open and I hear footsteps in the hall. I suck in a sharp breath as Katie staggers into the dining room, clearly in a pissed off mood. She takes one look at me and at Naomi sitting next to me…in Katie's usual spot. I've seen her look angry and hating other people but now she turns that look on me. My parents smile at her and welcome her home, unaware of the silent exchange of pain between us. I feel Naomi's hand grip mine under the table and she gently squeezes it, giving me courage.

I smile in the face of Katie's anger and say, "Hey Katie, pull up a chair and come eat with us."

Katie's jaw clenches and around her teeth she growls out, "What is she doing here?"

Mum looks up from her soup, "Oh, you know Naomi do you? Isn't it lovely? She came to have dinner with us. Come on, sit down, love. I'll get you a plate."

Katie shakes her head and for a second I think I see tears in her eyes, "I'm not hungry."

Mum shakes her head, "Dear you should eat…"

Katie interrupts her, "I said I'm not fucking hungry." With that she turns and stalks out of the dining room, I hear her climbing the stairs, and then I hear our bedroom door slam. I sigh and turn back to my artichoke soup. Nothing can ever just be simple it seems.

After dinner we all go into the family room and watch a movie. Katie never comes down to join us and I fight the urge to go check how she is. Even after everything that she has done to me and put me through, it still worries me that I saw tears in her eyes earlier.

I don't really pay attention to the movie because it's really shit…probably because my parents let James pick what we watched. I spend most of my time watching Naomi anyways. I can tell she's bored because she turns to me every few minutes and makes a funny face at something that just happened with the film. Sitting next to her on the sofa, I let my hand wander to just rest on her upper leg and I see a smile ghost over her face in the light of the screen.

Just being with her and sitting here with her is all I really need. I feel like I could just be with her…forever. Whatever we're doing, whether its watching a shit movie or kissing or eating horrible food with my parents or carrying my drugged up sister home…I feel like with her is where I belong. I finally feel like I'm myself. I'm Emily and I'm an actual person. I'm not cool, hip, and I'm not Katie and for once that's ok. She lets me be Emily and more than that, she seems to like me and accept me for who I am. Not as Katie's sister or as a twin but just as a person. Like I'm me and that's just what she needs.

The telly screen goes dark sooner than I'd expected and before I know it Naomi is stretching beside me and my dad is picking up James who fell asleep on the floor. My mum covers a yawn with her hand and glances at the clock, "Goodness, it's midnight already?"

Naomi stands up and says, "Thanks so much for dinner Mrs. Fitch."

I stand up with her, unwilling to be parted just yet, "Mum, can I pop round Naomi's for tonight?"

I look at Naomi for agreement and she swiftly nods, "Yeah, my mum and Grandfather love having her."

Mum shakes her head slightly, "I don't know Ems. You've been over there almost every night for the past few weeks."

I'm sure my disappointment shows on my face and I think Mum takes pity on me, "But…I wouldn't mind it if Naomi stayed over here tonight. She can just kip on the sofa, I'm sure."

I turn to Naomi, I know that she's a bit worried about sleeping over here with Katie and all but she must see the pleading look on my face because she slowly nods her head and smiles at my mum.

My mum podders off to go get some sheets and covers for the couch. I turn to Naomi and fake a smile, "I'll just pop upstairs and get you some more comfortable clothes to sleep in."

Naomi walks closer to me and gently takes my hand, "Do you want me to come with you? Maybe Katie will…I dunno back off if I'm there too."

I shake my head quickly, "Actually, I think this is something I need to do alone."

Naomi nods in understanding and I pull away from her to walk up the stairs. I take each step slowly, feeling as if I'm heading in to a situation that I might not be able to handle. Being with Naomi these past few weeks has given me confidence to stand up to Katie more and to stop being such a coward but I'm really not sure if I can handle her in the full on bitch mode she seems to be in tonight.

When I reach our bedroom door I suck in a deep breath, aware that I'm about to be suffocated again. I push open the door and see a very unexpected sight. Katie is sitting on her bed, knees up to her chest, wearing a huge T-shirt, and the worst thing is…she's crying. Not just single tears but really bawling.

She looks up at me as I shut the door and move swiftly across the room to join her on the bed. Even in her red-rimmed eyes I can see anger and I know that she's just not going to fall into my arms and accept my comfort, so I sit on the edge of the bed and don't make another move.

Finally Katie breaks the silence and her voice is hoarse as she says, "What the fuck are you doing, Ems? Inviting that girl over to dinner? Flaunting her at Freddie's party? What the fuck are you trying to pull?"

I stare at my sister for a moment just trying to actually get what she's thinking. She thinks I'm "flaunting" Naomi? Like I'm using her specifically to hurt Katie? I finally push all those thoughts aside and speak up for myself, "Katie…I'm not 'flaunting' her. I'm dating her."

A harsh laugh comes from Katie's throat and it sounds more like a cough than humour, "You actually think that you two are dating?"

"I don't think I'm dating her…I know."

Katie's voice is ugly as she says, "You have to know that she doesn't care about you. She's just using you as a summer fuck until she goes back to London. And you have to know that you don't care about her. You're just using her to make yourself feel special, like you're not worthless shit. Just being jealous of me, trying to make yourself feel better…it's sad really."

I pull back almost as if Katie has struck me, "You think I'm jealous of you? I wouldn't wish to be you in a million years. You fuck people for kicks. You fucked me up and I'm your own sister. You're a controlling, manipulative bitch and I for one can't even stand to be around you anymore."

I see the hurt flash across Katie's face and I long to reach out into the space between us and take the words back. But I can't and I won't, partly because they have truth in them and partly because I sort of enjoy the hurt look on Katie's face. A smaller, lesser part of me enjoys that I can inflict pain on her like she's pounded into me so many times.

Without a word, but with a tear streaming down her cheek, Katie turns away from me and turns out the light above her bed. She ducks underneath her covers and I see her body beginning to shake.

"Katie…" I murmur, trying to get her to turn around so that I can apologize with my eyes because honestly the words to help are sticking in my throat. She needed to hear what I had said; she needed to know how much she was constantly hurting me and the people around her. Maybe she needed to know those things but because I was her sister, maybe I should've bit my tongue and kept on trying to love her.

I hear a sniffle from Katie but she still doesn't turn around. I get up and walk over to my side of the room. I grab sleeping clothes for myself and Naomi and turn again to look at my sister, hoping beyond hope that she might have turned around to look at me again.

She hasn't so I turn and walk back to the door, realizing that tonight; I'm not welcome to sleep in this room. I turn to look one last time at Katie's back and I whisper, "You're wrong Katie, Naomi cares about me. And I'm not doing this to make you jealous, I really like her…no….I love her. But I love you too…So please just realize that I'm still me, still Emily. Nothing is going to change that." I sigh as soon as the words are out of my mouth because I realize how true they are. I love Naomi. I'm in love with Naomi Campbell. I'm hoping that my confession will prompt Katie to welcome me with open arms and to make her act like the sister I've always wanted her to be. But again I'm disappointed.

I don't hear a noise from Katie so I slip out our door and walk downstairs. When I get to the family room, Naomi is sitting on the sofa. The table lamp next to the sofa is on but all the other lights in the house have been turned out. I see that the sofa has been folded out and it has sheets and a blanket on it so I assume that my mum has come and gone.

Naomi looks perfect sitting next to the light, surrounded by darkness. Her blonde hair that she's finally freed from the bun is shining and as she turns to look at me, her blue eyes seem to shine out, pulling me in to her light. She holds out a hand and warms me with a smile on her perfect lips. I slowly walk over to her and sit down next to her on the sofa bed.

Naomi must sense my pain and unease because she wraps her arms around me and pulls me down on the bed to rest against her body. She pulls me into her side and I immediately find my place, resting my head on her shoulder and with my arm around her stomach. Naomi plays with my hair, gently brushing her fingers through the strands. Without really an idea of what I'm doing or what this could mean, I quickly lean up and stare directly into Naomi's eyes. Naomi seems a bit confused at my sudden change in position but she simply smiles at me and asks, "Was Katie awful?"

I shake my head gently and spit out words before I can force myself to suck them back in, "You care about me…don't you?"

Naomi pulls back a bit and snorts, "Is that really a question?"

I nod and bite my bottom lip, a trait I've picked up from her. I need to hear her say those words and I need to look at her to know she means them. I need us to mean something because if we don't, then all of this has been for nothing.

Naomi reaches up and touches my cheek with one finger, "Of course I care about you, Emily. How could you ever doubt that?"

With those words my fears are quieted a bit, maybe she doesn't love me like I love her but she cares. I know because her eyes never move from mine and the tears that shine in them scream the truth at me. She cares.

I lean forward and place my lips against hers. I feel Naomi smile against my lips and wrap her arms around the back of my neck to pull me closer. I place a hand on her shoulder and push her back on the sofa bed, straddling her and placing another kiss on her lips before moving to her neck. As I find the soft skin there with my lips, tongue, and teeth, I hear Naomi pull in a sharp gasp. Her hands tangle in my hair and she pushes me closer which I don't mind at all. I kiss my way down her neck until I reach the beginning of her shirt. My fingers seem to come up on their own accord and begin to unbutton Naomi's top. I pull back from her slightly so I can see her reaction. I don't want to do anything that she isn't ready for or doesn't like. Naomi's cheeks are flushed pink and she looks more than a bit flustered.

I swallow hard as I feel my fingers finish unbuttoning her shirt but I don't break my gaze from her face. I need to see some sort of sign that she's here with me and for me and that she's always going to want me. I hold my breath, waiting for her to make the next move so that I know its ok.

Naomi sits up rather quickly and shrugs her shirt off of her shoulders. I only get a second to take in her tight tummy and the way her breasts look in her bra before she's tugging at my shirt. I lift my arms so that she can slip it off and we both just look at each other for a second. It doesn't last long because I want to kiss her again and I want to touch all of the skin that she's just bared for me.

I lean over to press my lips to hers another time and I feel her arms hug my back, bringing me closer. I love the feel of her hands on my skin and I love feeling hers pressed up against me. I slide my hand down her arm and then spread my fingers across her stomach. I feel her breaths moving her stomach against my hand, fast and quick as I kiss my way back down her neck again.

"Fuck, Ems," Naomi manages to gasp out, as my hand moves from her stomach to cup her breast through her bra. I kiss my way back up to her lips and gently caress her with my thumb. I feel her nipple harden under my touch and she moans softly into my mouth. I pull back a bit, suddenly sure of what I want. Naomi looks up at me, probably a bit confused as to why I pulled away.

I answer the question that's unspoken but clear in her eyes. My lips feel dry and my tongue to big for my mouth but I manage to get my answer out, "Naomi…I want to be with you."

Naomi's lips part and a small, "Oh," slips out from between them.

Even though I know I've made myself clear I hear myself stupidly say, "I mean…I want to make love to you."

Naomi smiles up at me, "Yeah…I think I got that part."

I close my eyes and pray that I'm not about to be rejected by the girl I love. Since I have my eyes closed I don't know Naomi is about to kiss me until I feel her lips upon mine. She kisses me fiercely, hands holding the sides of my face. Her lips and tongue move over mine until I'm breathless and she breaks apart from me leaving me gasping for air. Naomi leans forward a bit and whispers in my ear, "I want you too."

I shiver at the way her breath tickles against my skin and savor the fact that someone wants me and that someone is Naomi Campbell. Without wasting a moment I push her back onto the sofa bed and roll off her so that I can unzip her skirt. Naomi watches me as I slowly pull it off and then slide back up her body so that I can resume kissing her. I reach down with my hand and stroke the outside of her hip, dipping my finger slightly into her knickers to feel her skin there. Feeling extremely brave I finally move my hand around to her front and touch her hesitantly. She feels warm and hot beneath my trembling fingers and I hear Naomi let out a sharp breath. Her hips lift off the bed slightly to press closer to my fingers. I press my lips against hers for another soul shattering kiss but then I hear a sudden noise and a crash behind us.

I turn around quickly and pull the blanket up to cover Naomi and I but it seems that it is too little, too late because there, standing in her bathrobe is my mother. Her mouth is open in shock and I look down to see a glass has shattered on the hardwood floor. I see the water that was in the glass spreading out in spidery trails and my normally neat freak mum just lets it.

Naomi is frozen beneath me but I can feel her trembling. I suck in a deep breath and try to remain calm in a situation that is so obviously fucked up, "Mum, well…"

My mum interrupts me, "Get out of my house." Her voice is low and angry and at first I think that she's talking to me but then I follow her eyes right to Naomi sitting in bed next to me. I feel Naomi stiffen even more next to me and then she moves as if to get up. I grip her hand and hold her next to me.

"Mum, Naomi is going to stay and we're all going to talk about this." I try to sound calm and rational but my eyes are filling up with tears, making it hard to talk in a firm tone of voice.

With a rush my mum is across the room and she has Naomi by the arm. She's jerking her out of bed and jerking her out of my arms. I hear Naomi give a short scream because it looks like my mum is jerking her arm out of its bloody socket. I jump out of bed and reach for Naomi; I wrap my arms around her and hold her close to me. Then Mum grips a handful of Naomi's hair and rips her backwards, pulling her away from me. I start to follow them but I feel two arms grab me from behind.

I hear Katie whisper in my ear, "Ems…it's for the best. Just let her go."

I jerk around, trying to buck Katie off of me so I can get to Naomi but she holds on tightly. I hear Naomi shout my name and then I hear the door slam. Mum comes walking back into the family room, looking a bit disheveled.

Her voice is firm as she says, "Emily…you are not to see that girl ever again. She's a bad influence."

I try again to pull out of Katie's grasp but her fingers dig into my skin, holding me close. I manage to scream out at my mum, "Naomi is not a bad influence. She's my girlfriend and I love her."

Mum looks shocked for a second but she regains her composure, "Emily…you are not gay. You're just young and impressionable. This girl is just making you confused."

I feel tears start pouring down my face and sobs begin to wrack my body, "You just don't understand….Mum, I do love her."

My mum shakes her head, "My daughter is not a lesbian."

Through my tears I choke out, "But I am…nothing you can say or do is going to change that."

She sounds like a stranger and not at all like my mum when she says, "Until you come to your senses, you're not allowed out of this house. Do you understand? If you leave, if you go to be with this girl, then you can't come back until you change your mind. I won't allow you to live that way underneath my roof."

Katie's grip on me finally slackens and I almost sink to the floor without her holding me up. I hear her whisper, "Mum…" like she can't believe what she just heard.

Just then my dad comes slowly down the stairs wiping sleep from his eyes, "What's going on down here? Love, why are you out of bed?"

Mum smiles up at him, "Just came to get some water and dropped the glass. I'll be coming right up." Dad smiles sleepily at her and turns back round to go upstairs.

Mum shakes her head at me, "It would kill him to know, just like its killing me. You could tear this whole family apart with this Emily." With that she turns her back to me and marches up the stairs after my father. Halfway up she pauses and turns back, "Do not leave this house. You and I are going to go to the therapist tomorrow and we're going to fix you."

As soon as she leaves, Katie lets go of me and I turn and run upstairs to our room. As soon as I reach it I grab a bag and start stuffing clothes in it without even really paying attention to what I'm packing. I can barely see what I'm doing through the tears in my eyes anyways. I hear Katie come in to the room behind me.

"Emily…what are you doing? You can't go anywhere."

I turn to face her standing in the doorway. I sling my bag over my shoulder, not even really caring if I didn't get half of what I needed.

"Katie, don't you dare try and stop me."

She shrinks back a little at the anger that is in my voice but replies, "Emily…you heard what mum said. Please don't leave. We'll sort this out."

I laugh in her face, "Sort it out? Katie you fucking helped her do it! Now get out of my way before I make you get out of my way."

I see tears glimmer in Katie's eyes but she takes a step to the side and I'm out the door.

***A/N: Gosh I can't seem to get out of writing these long chapters…sorry lol. Well on the bright side it means when I do update you get to read more. Hope you all are still enjoying the story. Please let me know if you are with a kind review because I do appreciate them so much***


	11. Chapter 11

***So ummm I'm American and I couldn't find anywhere at all what the British equivalent of The Girl Scouts is…so please excuse my ignorance lol. I suppose you get what I mean anyways.***

**Letters To Emily**

**Chapter 11**

**Naomi's POV**

I slip in the back door and glance quickly around the kitchen. Thankfully Mum isn't up because she might have a few questions. Possibly, "Naomi why are you coming home at one o' clock in the morning and why are you just wearing your knickers?"

Instead of walking up to my room, I slip into a chair in the kitchen, ignoring how cold the plastic is beneath my legs. I don't even know how my legs worked enough to carry me to my house so I definitely don't think I can make it up to my room. There are so many emotions raging inside me it's a wonder I'm still able to function right now. I'm angry, I'm concerned about Ems…I want to march right back over there and give her mum a piece of my mind. She should know that she has a lovely daughter in Emily and she should know that she has no right to make Emily feel ashamed for what she is. Also, the bitch pulled my hair. I rub my arm at the spot where she grabbed it. I can almost still feel her fingers there as she pulled me away from Emily. I should go back over and help Emily through this but I can't…because I'm scared to death.

This was different when it wasn't necessarily hurting anyone. Emily and I could have our fun and continue in a light and fun relationship. At least before tonight, I could lie to myself and make believe that what we have is just a "summer thi\ng". Before tonight, I could pretend that there weren't strings attached and I'd be able to walk away whenever I wanted to like I always do. But now things are definitely getting "stringy". Emily was just outed to her parents and her mum definitely didn't look ok with it as she was shoving me out the front door.

I mean, what the hell were we thinking? Almost having sex on a couch in her family room? That definitely wasn't the best idea in the world. I know that I wasn't thinking though and that's the problem. When I'm around Emily I almost lose all ability to even form a coherent sentence, let alone think about her mum being just up the stairs. I become defenseless when I'm around her, stupid…not cool, calm Naomi. That's the bloody problem; she makes me lose all sense and reason. She makes me believe that things such as kindness, goodness…and love aren't just in fairy tales we tell children but that they actually exist in real life. But I should know better. I've seen what love can do to people. I've seen what happens when you lose your head and your heart. Love isn't pretty or noble or kind, it's a painful wound just waiting to happen.

I let out a huge sigh and lay my head, heavily in my hands. My palms dig in to my eyes almost as if I'm trying to wake up. This fucking dream has gone on long enough. When the fog clears, when I look around. I'm going to be the only one left standing, alone. Dreams only exist so that one day they can turn into nightmares, Because inevitably one day the dream will be gone and reality will crash around you and you'll realize that you wish you never had the dream because dreaming of something so lovely only makes you realize what shit everything really is. Give me nightmares because when you actually wake up, you can breathe a sigh of relief. Dreams leave a bitter taste because no matter how much you squint your eyes and try to get back to them, they're gone and you'll never get it back.

A light tapping at the kitchen door pulls me from my thoughts and I turn to see Emily's face filling up the small square window. Even from here I can see the tear streaks on her face and the way her lip is quivering. Without a thought in my head, rational thinking and logic completely gone, I rush to the door and fling it open because right now all I really want to do is hug her and tell her that everything will be alright. She walks in carrying a knapsack which she immediately dumps on the kitchen floor.

Emily sinks into my arms like she's been struggling to keep her head above water for years and I'm the lifeguard to come save her. I feel her slender fingers dig into my back and pull me almost painfully close but that's alright, its more than alright because my arms are wrapped around her shoulders so that I can feel them shaking as she sobs into my chest.

I've never thought myself much good at this comforting and soothing business but I do the best I can. I make general "shushing" noises and murmur stupid little lies in her ear. "Everything is going to be ok." "It'll all work itself out." "She'll come round."

The bad thing is I know these are lies but they slip past my lips so easily because I know that they are what she needs to hear. I think Emily sees the world as a place where everyone is generally a good person and they just need their chance to show it. I know that this is a fantasy. We're all shit and we take every chance in the world to show that. Only in rare cases does good actually come out and it's because of people like Emily who believe it can, so much that they make it happen. But instead of telling her how the world really works I simply hold her and rub her back and I tell her sweet lies that might make the crying go away for a bit.

We stand there for a long time, longer than I can count but probably not long enough. However, she pulls away from me and looks up at me with red-rimmed eyes. I'm expecting her to break down some more. I'm expecting her to blurt out the entire sobbing story. Instead she smiles at me a bit shakily and says, "You're still wearing your knickers."

I look down at myself as if I didn't know that I was wearing just a bra and knickers. I look back up at Emily, wondering if maybe she's cracked or something but she's just got a ghost of a smile on her face but sadness glistening in her eyes. I decide that maybe, just maybe she'll be alright.

With her hand in mine we walk up to my room. By the time we reach the bed, I feel her begin to shake again so I pull back the covers and gently push her down on them. She reaches for me, gliding her fingers in motions that make my heart stop and for a second I let her before I push away her hands away and crawl into bed with her. The fact that she hesitates before wrapping her arms around me breaks my heart a little and I pull her closer because of it.

I stroke her hair and try to come up with something fitting to say but nothing comes to mind. Time passes and I think that Emily has gone to sleep but she surprises me by speaking. She lets the whole story out. She tells me what her mum said, what Katie said, how she can't go back home, how she wants to be with me. She sighs the last part out, as if she's finally made a decision and that makes my blood run a bit colder. She's picked me. She's picked me over her bloody family. I want to get out of bed and run, in fact I feel my muscles tense as they get ready to do just that but then a tear from her eye splashes onto my shoulder and quite suddenly I can't leave. I can't even imagine leaving. I know Emily wants me to say something. She wants me to confirm her choice and tell her that I want to be with her too. I want to say those words but they stick in my throat and I know if I say them now then they'll be less than sweet lies, they'll be the fucking truth and right now to me that's more scary. So I hold her tight until she falls asleep in my arms. I can't shake the cold feeling in my bones though. Emily's whole life is falling apart around her…all because of me. Despair rages in me because she picked me and she's made the wrong bloody choice. I'm a fucking disaster. But as she sighs into my shoulder and moves a bit closer to me, I can't help but smile just a bit because whether or not I'm the wrong choice…she fucking picked me.

Upon waking up I'm aware of two things, the first thing is that Emily isn't in my arms anymore, the second is waking up alone is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I sit up and as my eyes search the room, I almost miss her. She's curled up in the chair that's tucked into the corner. Her knees are tucked up to her chest and her arms are wrapped tight around them. I've never seen anyone look so small. She's not sleeping. In fact, Emily's eyes are wide open and she's staring off into space. She's not crying and that kind of worries me. This silence, the stillness slips into the cracks of my mind and turns into a raging noise. Emily is definitely not ok and neither am I.

I want to speak her name but the silence swallows up the noise that bubbles through my throat so instead I get out of bed and walk over to her. Emily's eyes follow me until I kneel down on the floor next to the chair. She looks down at me and reaches down a hand to gently stroke my face. Without really meaning to I lean into her touch. Somehow those fingers moving over my cheek give me the strength I need to break the silence.

"Emily…tell me, what can I do to help you with this?" My words sound hollow to me. I'm supposed to know what to do. She's obviously hurting because of her family and I'm the fuck up who can't actually comfort her.

Her fingers stop moving on my cheek and I feel my heart clench. Maybe she's finally going to realize I'm not worth a shit. Maybe she's going to say she made a mistake and she's going back home. Maybe when she does say that I'll be able to pretend I'm not dying on the inside.

Emily's voice sounds rough but strong as she asks, "Will you go somewhere with me?"

I blink, maybe Emily is leaving but she's asking me to come. I answer as honestly as I know how, "Anywhere."

An hour later, we're on our way to God knows where. Emily won't tell me. Luckily there are a few bikes in the shed at Grandpa Walt's. They look about a thousand years old even though they were probably my mums or something. But after some air in the tires they work just fine. I follow Emily as we peddle through town and before I know it we're on country roads with no one around us. The sun is shining brightly on us which contrasts so starkly with the darkness that we're going through.

Emily takes turns and twists as if she's been going this way her whole life and with a bit of puffing and vowing off smoking, I follow after her faithfully. I don't know what to expect but Emily packed us some jumpers and a big blanket that she put in her knapsack.

Suddenly I realize that she's slowing down and she hops off her bike. I stop my bike as well and look around, wondering where the fuck we are. All I see are endless trees and the lane that we were riding on. There really isn't anything here and I can't help but wonder what we're doing.

Emily leans her bike against a tree and I do the same. She suddenly grabs my hand and pulls me into the woods. I follow behind her and it takes me a minute to realize that we're actually following a very small path, just a little dirt trail through the trees. One minute we're in the shadows of the woods and in the next we burst out into sunlight. There is a huge clearing with a pond, glistening in the sunlight. Emily sighs and I realize that we've reached our destination. We stand by the water's edge. I'm barely breathing because for some reason this moment feels magical and I'm scared to lose it.

Emily breaks the quiet by saying, "It never fails to stun me."

I look over at her small frame and brush my thumb over the back of her hand, "It's a lovely place." Lovely doesn't cut it but that's all I've got. Emily turns to me and smiles and this clearing has just gotten a thousand times more beautiful.

"It's my place. I've never told anyone about it, not Katie…no one. When it all gets to be too much, this is where I come to get away."

I feel touched that she's brought me here when she's not even shared this secret with Katie. It makes the place feel more special, holy even.

Emily and I stand there for a bit, just taking in the view but after a few moments she lets go of my hand. I turn to look at her and with a solemn look on her face she grips the bottom hem of her T-shirt and pulls it over her head. I'm sure my shock must show on my face but more than shock because I can't tear my eyes away from Emily's flat little tummy and the way her breasts jiggle a bit in her bra when she leans down to take off her shoes.

I swallow hard and try to tear my eyes away from her body. I'm supposed to be comforting Emily, not perving after her. I'm sure the last thing on her mind is sex. The problem is it's the first and last thing on my mind. I really am trying to be good, to let her heal her own way but it doesn't help that she's so incredibly lush.

I'm so lost in my own thoughts that I don't notice that Emily's taken off her shorts as well and has stepped towards me. Her slender fingers reach out and tug at the bottom of my T-shirt as well and my mouth goes a bit dry. Still I manage to choke out, "What…what are you doing, Ems?"

She hears the tremor in my voice and smiles a bit but then her look goes back serious, "We're taking a dip."

I know that I should protest. Even though it's a bit warm outside, the summer has just started, there's no way the water is warm yet. I should keep my shirt on but instead I raise my arms and let her tug it over my head. I think that Emily needs this. Her movements are extremely brisk and efficient as she shucks off my skirt. Just as I'm feeling a bit like a medical patient, she brushes the outside of my thigh with one finger. I look down at her kneeling in front of me, smiling up at me and I feel my chest tighten even further. Emily's cheeks get a faint tinge of red in them and she stands up without looking at me.

Without another word she takes a brief run and launches herself out into the air. She lands in the water with a splash and I hear a strangled scream. Before I can think, I run after her and jump into the water. The water hits me like a wall of ice, stealing the breath from my lungs and I feel a minute of panic as I claw my way to the surface. Just as I break the surface, I feel Emily's arms wrap around me and she pulls me close to her body. Her legs kick for the both of us and she keeps me afloat as I catch my breath. When I finally can force oxygen into my lungs, I blurt out, "Fuck, its freezing."

Emily lets go of me but stays really close, she rubs my upper arms quickly with her hands but I can't really feel them. "Sorry, I'm used to it…I forgot what it was like on the first time."

I shake my head from side to side as my teeth chatter in a staccato rhythm, "Bloody hell, Ems. I heard you scream and I jumped in to save you."

Emily smirks at me, "My knight in shining armor."

"Some knight I turn out to be, you're rescuing me instead."

She leans forward and kisses me softly on my mouth, making me forget for an instant that I'm cold. When she breaks away from me she leans her forehead against mine and looks into my eyes, "How bout we just rescue each other, yeah?"

The moment is so lovely and special that I can't say anything. Instead of talking I just pull her a bit closer to the edge where I can actually touch the bottom and pull her into my arms. She sighs into my shoulder and I kiss the top of her head. I do want to promise her that I'll always be there to rescue her but I know it would be a load of bollocks. The truth is, I'm not fit to rescue anyone. I'm so fucked up about love and trust and opening up that I don't think anyone could even rescue me either. Emily deserves much better than me.

We stay in the water, just holding each other until my skin starts to go a bit numb. Emily pulls away from me a bit shakily as if she's numb too and without a word she pulls me towards the side of the pond and we both climb out. Emily gets up to walk over to where she dropped her bag and I'm wondering how she can walk at all, I'm so bloody cold.

She pulls out the blanket and our jumpers. After spreading the blanket out on the ground she pulls on her jumper and tosses mine at me. With my lips quivering I pull it over my head and wonder why I don't feel its warmth instantly. Emily comes over to me and reaches her hand out. I place my hand in hers and I can actually feel the warmth coming off her body into mine. She helps me up and leads me over to the blanket.

I sit down on it and wrap both arms around myself, hugging my knees, and rocking back and forth, trying to get some warmth into my system. Emily smiles at me and places a light kiss on my forehead, "I'll be right back," she whispers.

She walks off into the woods a bit and returns a few minutes later with some sticks. I furrow my brow a bit wondering what she was at. To my surprise, Emily piles up the sticks, twigs, and a few leaves and makes a small fire with a lighter she pulls out of her bag. I guess my mouth is hanging open a bit at how resourceful Ems is being because she turns to me and asks, "What?"

I shrug, "Had no idea you were so handy."

She scoffs at me, "Well what can I say? The Girl Scouts prepare you for anything."

I laugh at the idea of her in that small little uniform, hiking around with other girls. Emily sticks her tongue out at me and then pulls a bottle of vodka out of her bag and a little metal tin.

She opens the tin and shows me what's inside, "Spliff then?"

I nod eagerly, wanting to feel that familiar warmth and calmness that always comes with smoking, "Gosh, you weren't kidding when you said that you were always prepared were you?"

Emily rolls her eyes at me at the same time she's rolling the spliff up with her nimble little fingers. She sticks the end to her mouth and lights it with the same lighter she used for the fire. I watch her pull the smoke into her lungs and she shuts her eyes at the sweet tasting smoke, before she lets it out her nose slowly. She smiles at me and scoots over so she's sitting right next to me, with her thighs resting against mine. She hands over the spliff and I take it from her fingers.

I put the spliff up to my mouth and eagerly pull in the smoke that will help warm me up and take away my worries all at the same time. I hold the smoke in until it starts a tingle in my throat and I know if I hold it in a second longer I'm going to cough and look like a twat that's never even smoked before. I let it out through my lips in a smooth steady stream, watching Emily through it the entire time. Seeing her wet, red hair through the gray smoke reminds me of the first day I ever saw her from across the street. I never knew then that she'd be such an important part of my life just a month later.

Emily grabs the bottle of vodka from the ground next to her bag and twists the top off. She presses the rim of the bottle to her mouth and takes a short swig of the alcohol. I see her face twist a bit as the liquor burns her throat but she smiles as it reaches her stomach and makes it feel warm. She passes me the bottle in exchange for the spliff and I take a short swig of it just like her. With the spliff and vodka I know that it won't be long before I'm feeling pleasantly warm. The only nicer way I can think of to warm up would be with Emily. After we've passed both the bottle and the spliff back and forth a few times, I'm feeling fuzzy and completely relaxed. Without even thinking I scoot away from Emily a bit on the blanket and rest my head in her lap.

Her hand comes up and gently starts running through my hair. She fingers each strand in between her fingers as if they are equally special to her. I look up at her with a sleepy smile on my face. On one hand I really want to lean up and kiss her but right now just lying here is really nice. I close my eyes because I just want to feel. I want to feel her fingers in my hair and her lap underneath my head. Its so nice here, no pressure, no fear. Just Emily and I. If only it could be like this all the time, then maybe I wouldn't be so scared.

I drift off before I realize that I'm even tired. The combination of Emily's hands in my hair, her smell, the warm fire, not to mention the pot and vodka, sends me off to a dream-less and peaceful sleep.

After what feels like a really long time I finally wake up. My head is still in Emily's lap. At first she doesn't notice I'm up and when I look up at her, I see that she's reading a book. I move my neck to get a better view, trying to see what she's reading. Emily feels me shift on her lap and puts the book aside to look down at me.

"Hi sleeping beauty."

I cover up a yawn with my hand and say with a wide mouth, "How long was I sleeping?"

"Long enough, it's almost dark outside."

I look around and do see that the sun is sinking below the edge of the pond, almost like its being swallowed whole by the water. I sit up and stretch slowly with yet another yawn. Emily smiles at how wide my mouth goes and says, "That could come in handy you know?"

I can tell it was meant to be a joke and that I should be laughing it off but I can't help but look into her eyes and feel the burn of a blush cross my cheeks. Emily's smile fades off of her face slowly as she catches the glint in my eyes. She's so fucking beautiful. Her red hair is illuminated by the falling sun and the flames from our fire. Red dancing on top of red. Her hair is dry but it still hangs in slightly curly tendrils, framing her face. Her hair is usually straight which I think is lovely but now with the curls she looks fresher, more innocent. I notice that she's not one of those girls that needs makeup to look beautiful. In fact, she looks perfect as she is right now. Her eyes break away from mine and she looks up and down my body. I almost laugh, even if Emily looks innocent without makeup and with curly hair it doesn't change the fact that we're both perving on each other.

With a sudden and almost jerky movement Emily leans forward and presses her lips to mine. I swallow a gasp at the now familiar jolt of electricity that comes from her just kissing me. I wrap my hands around the back of her neck and pull her in even further. Emily loses her balance and with a squeak from her we tumble backwards. My back hits the ground with a thump but I don't mind because Emily is lying on top of me. She props herself up on her hands, lifting her upper body off of me but her hips press more firmly to mine and a moan slips from my lips at how she moves against me.

I look up at Emily and her eyes are closed, she's biting her lip. When she opens them, I see that they're a slightly darker brown than I'm used to. For this instant, I'm not scared. In fact right now for the first time in my life I know exactly what I want. I want Emily, plain and simple.

I slip my hands underneath the hem of Emily's jumper and give it a brief tug. Emily lifts her arms over her head and I slowly pull that and the T-shirt she has on underneath off. Emily looks down at me with half-closed eyes, suddenly seeming shy. Emily without a shirt on isn't something new for me to look at but it still takes my breath away just the same. I run my fingers lightly over her stomach and I feel her skin and muscles clench and ripple beneath them. Emily lets out a breathy sigh and leans down to capture my lips in a crushing kiss once again. One of her hands travels from my shoulder down my side to grip my hip tightly. My hands come up to tangle in her hair, pulling her mouth even closer to mine, kissing her with a ferocity that surprises me. Emily pulls away just a bit and her open mouth and breathes out my name.

I move my hands from her hair to gently stroke her face. I cup her cheeks within my hands and look deep in her eyes. I want her to see that I need her, that I want her, that she's all I could ever hope for. Emily's eyes search mine and I guess she finds the answer she was looking for because her mouth spreads in a gentle grin. My heart fills up at that smile, feeling likes its about to explode in my chest. I want to open my mouth and verbalize all that I'm feeling to her. How there could never be a more perfect moment than this, that this moment is all I am. That she is all I am. However, I know that my feeble words will never be enough so I lean forwards and gently capture her lips with mine.

Emily deepens the kiss for an instant before she pulls away. At first I follow her stupidly, sitting up, still trying to kiss her. Emily gently holds me back with a smile on her face. I blink at her smiling face, confused for a second but then she reaches down and pulls my jumper and T-shirt off with one swift move. Moving like she's been doing this her whole life Emily wraps her arms around my back and lays me back down on our blanket. Even though I'm no virgin I feel a bit unconfident and unsure. I may have fucked guys before but never have I made love, this is new and different, I'm a bit worried that I'll disappoint Emily but just as the thought crosses my mind, Emily leans down and whispers in my ear, "This is my first time."

She sounds so cute and unsure as she says it so I just smile at her again and pull her in for another kiss. Emily pulls away and I still see that her hands are shaking a bit but she moves more confidently as she reaches down to unfasten my shorts. She slowly pulls them down my legs, watching them as she pulls them off my legs. Almost reverently she places them gently on the pile where we threw our jumpers and T-shirts. Emily's eyes scan my entire body and a wide grin splits her face.

Feeling a bit self conscious I raise my eyebrows at her, wondering what she's smiling at. Emily catches my question and shakes her head a bit, "You are so beautiful…takes my breath away."

"Emily…" I manage to breathe out. She slowly lies back down on top of me. She hovers over my lips for a second before I lean up and capture them with my own. I feel how warm her skin is against mine and I wrap my arms around her back to pull her closer to me. My hands slide down her back, exploring her soft skin. Emily's hand slides up my stomach and cups my breast through my bra. I moan and lean forward a bit into her touch. Her thumb brushes across my nipples and I feel the warmth that has been slowly building in my stomach, clench and I gasp at the feelings that she's awakening in me.

My nails rake her back a bit as she pushes my bra up above my breast and leans forward to capture it within her mouth. She circles it once with her warm tongue and then gently grips in her teeth. I harsh gasp escapes my mouth and I move my hands from her back to tangle in her hair, pushing her closer and holding her to me. Emily's hands skim down my sides and she grips my hips, jerking them forward in a swift motion.

Emily's mouth breaks away from my chest as she lets out a low moan. Her warm, brown eyes stare up at me for a second. Slowly but sure, Emily kisses her way down my stomach, pausing to lick around my belly button. When she finally settles in front of my knickers, she loops her fingers around the edge of them and watching my face the entire time she pulls them down slowly, placing them on the growing pile of clothes next to our blanket. She looks down at me and I can practically feel her eyes. She murmurs, "You're perfect."

I want to tell her I'm anything but perfect but I suddenly lose any and all ability to think straight as Emily leans down and kisses the inside of my thigh. She's so close that I feel her warm breath on me and close my eyes, feeling goose pimples break out on my skin. I feel her breath get closer and closer.

"Emily..." I gasp out and just as her name escapes my lips I feel her tongue leave hers as she slowly licks me. I reach above my hand and grab some of the blanket, twisting my fist in it. I need something to hold on to or else it feels like I'm going to spiral out of control. Emily first starts her sweet torture by slowly dipping her tongue in and out of me and then circling my clit in light flicks of her tongue. Before long I'm gasping out shaky breaths and my hold on the blanket is getting tighter and tighter.

Suddenly she moves away a bit and smiles up at me. I manage to say, "Don't…don't fucking stop." With that same sly smile on her face, Emily shows me that she wasn't planning on stopping. Instead she slowly pushes two of her slender fingers inside of me then just as slowly withdraws them. A shudder wracks my body at the feelings that wash over me. For someone who has never done this before, she's fucking brilliant at it.

With those two wicked finger moving in and out of me, Emily leans her face down again and resumes sucking and licking my clit. I can feel myself starting to unravel and I think that Emily realizes that the end is coming because she quickens her fingers, pumping in and out of me until my whole world comes down to her next movement.

I feel the edge coming and it's exactly like falling and floating all at the same time. I hear my breathing and moans mix and my whole body begin to shake as I launch myself over the cliff.

Emily continues thrusting her fingers into me but she slides up my body quickly and kisses me deeply, swallowing the scream that starts to come out of my mouth. For a moment I don't hear anything except my own heart beating. I don't feel anything except Emily's lips upon mine; the world fades away to white noise, our lovemaking.

As I slowly come down from the high that Emily sent me to, I pull the night air into my lungs, finally able to catch my breath. My muscles are shaking and my body is covered in fine sheen of sweat. Emily gently pulls out of me and smiles down at me. She leans down and peppers my face with short kisses, before settling on my lips for a slow and gentle kiss.

Once she breaks away she lies down next to me and wraps her arms around my stomach. She buries her head in my shoulder, kissing it gently. I finally can move enough to wrap her up in my arms as well, still shaken at how fast and how completely she made me come alive just now.

I feel Emily's eyelashes flutter against my shoulder and I realize that she's closing her eyes. I reach over and brush a damp, strand of hair from her sweaty forehead and kiss the top of her head. Can't blame her for being tuckered out, I suppose and she definitely just earned a rest.

I'm thinking that she's already asleep and I'm settling in to go to sleep myself but then I hear her lips part and she says simply, "I love you."

Just like that my whole world is changed. If she feels my body stiffen at her words she doesn't show it. She just burrows her head deeper into my shoulder and drifts off to sleep.

I don't sleep, how could I? The whole night I hold her like it might be the last time and when the sun rises, so do I.

I pull myself gently from Emily's arms and she rolls over but doesn't wake up. I pull on my clothes with jerky and stilted movements. Then I walk up the path and remove my bike from beside the tree. As I swing my leg over the seat and start the long slow ride home. I let the tears fall down my face.

Shame stings my eyes and clenches in my stomach because the truth is I'm a fucking coward. I leave her lying there and I hate myself to no end because no matter how angry I am at my father, I'm just like him.

I'm leaving her.

***A/N: ohmygosh I love you guys/girls who are reviewing so much so pleeeease don't hate me after this chapter! You also might be asking what the "duck" was Naomi thinking? I promise to explain where her head was at in further chapter so please keep reading.** **On the plus side (I hope) this is a pretty long chapter soooo at least there's that lol.**


	12. Chapter 12

***A/N: Ok so in my mind there were supposed to be 10 chapter to the first part of this story but there turned out to be 11. Now we're on to what in my mind is "Part 2" The only reason I differentiate is because now the pacing, points of view, and focus of the story is going to change slightly. Within the same chapters there will be different points of view from the cast and some more side stories will be developing but don't worry, this is still primarily a Naomily story. If you don't like the changes I've made just tell me and if enough people hate it I'll go back to just Emily and Naomi telling the story. Enough of that…on to the story!***

**Letters To Emily:**

**Chapter 12**

**Emily's POV:**

I wake up the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. But that fades. Rather quickly. Because when I wake up…she's gone. With Naomi I've gotten slightly used to waking up alone. Not that I enjoy it but I've gotten used to it. I've only woken up in her arms once and that was after the night when we decided to actually try being a couple. But I figured after last night, she'd still be there. Her arms would still be wrapped around me and she'd murmur good morning into my messy hair and she'd tell me that she loved me. I thought that she'd do all that because last night I told her how I really felt. I told her that I love her and its true. I'm in love with fucking Naomi Campbell. I can't imagine being without her, I miss her when she's not around, and I think about her all the time. So it hurts to wake up without her and find that she doesn't feel the same way at all.

At first I'm a complete fucking moron and I think that perhaps she's gone for a piss or something. I slowly get dressed, expecting her to pop out of the woods and whisper good morning to me as she kisses me. I walk just as slowly back up the path towards where we left our bikes. There's a sinking feeling growing in my stomach but I can't begin to face what might have happened. Still because I'm so stupid…and so in love I keep waiting for her to appear.

But no…she's gone. Her bike is gone and for a minute I look around the tree to see if it's fallen down into the bushes. I just can't believe she's gone. Tears flood my eyes but I angrily wipe them away. No…I'm not going to cry right now. I pull my bike away from the tree, grab my bag and I pedal away from the pond. I don't even bother to gather the blanket or my jumper. I could give a fuck about them. I'm done with letting Naomi run away from me. I'm going to go to her house and demand an explanation. How in the world could she leave me there? After everything we've shared?

All the way to Naomi's house I'm festering in what she's done to me. How in the world could you leave someone like that? After they told you they loved you? After they made love to you? I never knew that Naomi could be so heartless because it takes a cruelty to do that…a cruelty that I didn't think she had in her. I've always seen her as beautiful, fragile, and absolutely lovely. The Naomi I know wouldn't, couldn't do this to me. There has to be some explanation. There just has to be.

When I get to Naomi's house, I hop of my bike and toss it down in the yard. I rush up to her front door and resist the urge to smash it down with just my two fists. I settle for just reaching out and ringing the door bell several times in a row. There isn't a response and I smack the door with the palm of my hand until it starts stinging.

"Naomi! Open the door!" I hear the tears in my voice as it cracks on her name and I hate it. I need to be strong right now. She needs to know what she's done is wrong. She needs to accept that I love her and she needs to tell me she loves me too. She needs to let down her fucking walls and actually let me in.

Suddenly I hear footsteps from behind the door and I see Naomi's mum peer out of the window next to the door. I catch her eyes and she must see the pain in mine because she immediately flings open the door.

"Emily…love what's wrong?" She searches my face for a clue of why I'm such a fucking mess right now.

I try to fake a smile but I think I fail miserably because her face just turns sympathetic, "Sorry for the…knocking, you know? But I really need to talk to Naomi. Like right now."

Gina's eyes cloud in confusion and she says, "Well…love, I expect her train has already left."

Just with those words I feel my heart snap in two. I put my hand to my chest because it honestly feels like blood should be pouring right now. Suddenly there's not enough air and I can't breathe. I try to pull in deep breaths but they only come to me in short, shallow pants.

Gina leans over and puts her hand on my arm, concern written all over her face, "Emily…are you alright? Didn't…didn't she tell you she was living? Didn't she say goodbye?"

I manage to shake my head but I feel a tear streak from my eye and slide down my cheek. I see Gina shaking her head.

"She came in early this morning and said that she had to leave. I had told her a few days ago that we could leave if she wanted. But she was all upset this morning and demanded that she leave right now so she packed up and went to get on a train. I'm going home in a few days myself, as soon as we find a nurse to come check up on Walt. I was wondering what had upset her so bad but she wouldn't talk about it at all, just insisted on leaving. I really thought she would've said goodbye to you, seeing as you two were such good friends."

I can't breathe. I can't think. I just…she wouldn't have done that. She can't be gone; this isn't how things are supposed to go. She can't have left me. You don't do that to people who love you.

Gina pats my arm, "I'm sure you two will keep in touch, Emily. Oh…that reminds me. Naomi left you a note. I'll just pop in and get it for you."

Maybe the note will explain it. Maybe she'll say that she's gone back to London to take care of some sort of emergency or something…she'll be back. She didn't really leave. She does love me. Maybe.

I hold onto that thought for a moment, trying to keep myself from totally falling apart but for some reason I know that they're lies. Well…even if they aren't lies I know that there's no excuse for leaving me like she did this morning.

Gina appears back in the doorway with a folded note in her hand. She gives it to me with a smile of accomplishment on her face. Then she wishes me well, tells me to pop back round before the end of the week to tell her goodbye.

She pulls me into a hug but my arms don't come up to embrace her back. She smells a bit like Naomi and it brings more tears to my eyes. After she lets go I walk back down to the curb where I first saw Naomi sitting. Where this whole thing began…and where it will end. I sit down and with shaking hands unfold the note.

After reading it I toss it down onto the pavement. It lands in a spot of oil and I watch as the note is slowly eaten away by the darkness. The black tips spread out like cracks in glass as they take over Naomi's spidery hand writing. I watch as everything she left behind fades away. I don't let myself cry. I don't let the tears pour. I stare down at the black asphalt and imagine I'm a note. I'm the asphalt, I'm the oil. I'm the darkness covering the white.

My hand clenches on the edge of my skirt, pulling at the material as I stare over at my house that's no longer a home. The only thing that is left beside me is a note covered in black. That's all I have.

**Emily,**

**I had a lot of fun this past month. It was great getting to know you. I think its best if we don't try to keep in touch. It will be easier that way. Don't call me. Don't write me. I think its best to say goodbye now. So…**

**Goodbye,**

**Naomi**

**J.J's POV:**

"How are things going this week?"

I lean back in my chair, struggling to get comfortable. Really, it only stands to logic, if they're going to expect people to sit in this room, in this chair then they should make the chair comfortable. It's even made of plastic that chafes my legs when I sit on it for too long in shorts. I like chairs with cushions. Pillows. Well, if they are the proper size and shape for the chair, round chair, square pillow, it just looks silly. Colour is important too…

"J.J?"

I look up at my doctor who is now staring at me over his square rimmed glasses. He's giving me the _look_. The "J.J. right now you're acting like a monstrous flipping mental retard and now I'm going to have to give you more pills on top of your already horrible big pile of pills" look…that look.

His pen clicks and it scribbles on the clipboard he uses for notes. When he writes good things he writes slowly. When they're mental things I've done, he writes quickly. Like he needs to get it out.

He catches me staring at his pen and I pull my eyes back up to his face and make eye contact because this is what normal people do. Except you can't keep eye contact for too long because then they think you're even more mental. So I count slowly under my breath for two approximate seconds (I can't look down at my wristwatch because that would seem more mental) and then appropriately move my gaze to the wall somewhere over his shoulder.

He writes again but slower and I smile. Being normal has a bit of logic behind it and I'm good at logic. Sometimes even I can fake normal. I just wish I didn't have to fake all the time.

"What's 83 multiplied by 12, J.J.?"

The numbers click in my head faster than "normal" does and I have the answer without a hesitation, "996."

He writes again but this time it's a mixture of slow and fast and I'm not sure what I've done right or wrong. Sums are good, they are logical. He should write slowly. But it's halfway fast.

I'm about to ask him why he's writing that way when I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket. The doctor is still writing at that infuriating speed so I pull my phone out of my pocket just enough to see the screen. I expect to see Cook just because he calls approximately five times a day and he's only called twice today and its already three in the afternoon which means he's not called the half way amount for today but actually five is an odd number so that would mean…

The vibrating in my hand pulls me out of figuring out when and how many times Cook should've called by three because right now it's Emily. I smile down at the screen that tells me I have a text from her. Since she's been a bit busy with Naomi I haven't heard from her. I force myself not to imagine what they've been doing because that means I would get locked on.

I press the middle button and read the text from her.

**I need you. Right now. Come home.**

I slide the phone back in my pocket and I feel a bit of panic. Emily usually texts long messages to me, messages that let me know how she's feeling or what she's doing or some joke she heard. This is weird. I don't know how she's feeling or what she's doing. I don't like it.

"Um…I think, that maybe possibly, I need to go." I try not to meet the doctor's eyes because I've already made eye contact today and I don't know how it will go over again.

I hear the doctor clear his throat, "We're not done with our session, Jeremiah." He used my whole name…that's not good. I hear the pen writing quickly again.

"Yes…in fact we have fifteen minutes and seventeen seconds left but Emily…you see she usually sends long texts and she needs me but right now its short so I don't know why or what for and its short so that can't be good…"

The doctor cuts me off, "Emily? Oh yes, your girlfriend. That's normal, that's good." Slow writing.

"She's…she's not my girlfriend…she just…she needs me and I have to go." I stand up and walk out because he probably won't get it and I can't explain it anymore. I don't care how much he writes on his pad or how quickly…right now Emily needs me.

By the time I arrive at my house it has been exactly ten minutes and twenty nine seconds since Emily texted me. I walk in my house because Mum's home and when she's home she doesn't lock the door even though I've told her just because she's home it doesn't mean people won't try to rob us and on the worse side it could mean that they would hurt her.

I walk into the hallway and hear Mum call out from the kitchen, "Is that you, J.J?"

I don't know why she asks because who else would it be, "Yes…it's me." I reply because even though she's normal, sometimes you have to tell her things that should be just knowledge.

She comes round the corner and smiles at me, "Doctor let you out early today I see? Well Emily is up in your room, she came round asking for you but I reminded her that today was your appointment and she said she'd just wait."

I lean over and give her a kiss on the cheek partly because that's what normal children do but mostly because I just want to. I try not to notice that she's wearing the perfume I don't like because it's too floral and flowers aren't manly things. And even if Cook calls me "Gay J" I want to be manly and I definitely like girls and not things like flowers because it seems that normal boys aren't allowed to like flowers even though I do a bit because they have symmetry and nice colours which means they're alright.

After giving Mum a short kiss, I turn to walk up the stairs, counting them under my breath as I walk. There's always the same number so I guess its not logical but counting helps settle me down sometimes because numbers make sense and I'm not sure what's up with Emily and that doesn't make sense.

When I open the door to my room I almost miss seeing her. She's on my bed, sure that's easy and in plain sight but I guess it's the way she's sitting. She's got her knees up to her chest and her head laying on them and her arms wrapped around the knees. It's a strange pose, she looks smaller than she is and quite formless, without edges, like she's not even a person but just a lump on my comforter. I don't like it because there's no real form to her and its more of a mass and its easier to think of her like a "thing" instead of a "person" with elbows and smiles and such, which is altogether too confusing.

To calm down I glance over at my shelves and count how many models I have finished and then I divide them quickly into how many are fighter planes and how many are cars. I don't like the cars so much so I have less and I work up the ratio in my head. For every two cars there are five fighter planes. Now however there are an odd number of fighter planes so that means in all probability whether I actually want to or not, I'll buy a car model next.

I feel my brain stop racing so much as the numbers move in my head so I walk over to my bed and sit down on the edge. Right now I don't know if I can handle being near this version of Emily without falling apart. Emily's body moves slightly as the bed dips with my weight and that's when she looks up at me.

By all other means of measurement she probably looks horrible, her eye makeup is smeared, her eyes are red, there's snot dribbling out of her nose, her lips are quivering…most people would look and see a mess but I see Emily…my friend, who's obviously hurting.

I'm not good with people and I never will be but I try just for her. I lean forward and place a hand on her shoulder. I try to make my voice soft because that's what you're supposed to do with frightened animals and really people aren't that much different when you come down to it, "Emily…what happened?"

Emily shakes her head and for a second I wonder if she means she can't tell me or if she means she doesn't know what happened but then she opens her quivering lips and with a voice just as shaky says, "She left…she's gone…she's just fucking gone J.J."

Even a retard like me knows who she means. It's obviously Naomi. But how could someone leave Emily? She's perfect. She baked me cookies for my ninth birthday, she made exactly eighteen cookies because we were both nine and that divided into two perfectly. However, she burnt the cookies. They turned out rather black and she cried because black to her is a sad colour but I told her I liked it and crunched the cookies anyways because sometimes you have to tell lies to be a friend.

Maybe this was like that time so I rub her shoulder a bit and tell her, "Maybe she'll come back."

Emily shakes her head again and repeats like a chant, "She's gone. She's gone." Each time her voice gets softer and more broken. I'm thinking she might be like one of my models and when she breaks that'll be the end of it, I'll have to get another and rebuild it. Except for Emily isn't like one of my models, there isn't another her just lying around for me to buy. So I decide to start rebuilding anyways because she's irreplaceable.

I wrap my arms around her body and pull her close. For a second Emily freezes up but then her hands are around my back and clenching in my T-shirt. It'll stretch and its my favourite but that's ok because Emily is my favourite too. I hold her as she sobs because I'm stupid and don't know what else to do. I pull the pieces together and try to keep her from shattering in my arms. I'm sure Freddie or Cook would know what to do but I'm just J.J. and sometimes I don't know how to do things.

**Katie's POV:**

I waited for her all night last night. I waited for the squeak of the stairs and the creak of our door that would tell me she's coming back to me. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and curl up in bed together like we used to do when we were young and then it hits me that we haven't been young for a while. We've grown up and into versions of ourselves that don't seem to work together anymore. We used to mesh, the Fitch twins, always together, always…sisters. Except for now, we're not. Most nights I don't even come home to tell her goodnight or wonder if she's sleeping well or to pat her hand when she's had a nightmare. Most nights, even if I was there, I doubt she'd let me.

Now today is gone like so many other chances before it. I've rung her several times but she hasn't answered. Mum is freaking out. Her and Dad are on the verge of phoning the police. James muttered something about all of this being rather exciting and I smacked the back of his head.

I couldn't take all their noise as they bickered about where to look for Emily so I went up to our room to think things through. I'm here now, lying on her bed because sometimes its just nice to feel like I'm actually home for a bit and her bed, her sheets that smell like her, make me feel like that. I'm so angry with her for leaving, for leaving me. But I miss her already.

My phone vibrates on the nightstand and I reach over, praying that it will be Emily telling me to come get her from wherever she is and that it'll be just us against the world again, like before.

**I'm safe. Just need a few days to sort things out. –Emily**

My fingers fly as I text back.

**Where r u? Pls cm hm. **

I wait what seems like an eternity and finally my screen lights up again.

**Not yet. If you ever really loved me convince Mum and Dad to give me this time.-Emily**

If I ever really loved her?! What the fuck? Of course I bloody loved her and I still do. How can she doubt that? I want to call her and tell her…no I want to go see her and tell her but I have a feeling like she wouldn't answer my calls and that she wouldn't agree to see me. So instead of telling her I love her I try to show it like I haven't been doing.

**Take the time u need. I'll talk to M and D. Be safe. I love you.**

I wait a few minutes for a response but Emily is clearly done talking. With a sigh I toss my phone back on the nightstand and walk to my door. I take a deep breath and start down the stairs to have a very long and possibly angry conversation with my parents. I'll make them listen. They have to listen because if there's one thing I strive to be good at, it's protecting my bloody sister and right now she needs it.

**Naomi's POV:**

I step off the train and look around the crowd at all the people bustling in and out of the station. Usually I feel at home with them, lost in a crowd of strangers. They all live without connection to me. Emotionless, floating, just existing. I don't know them, they don't know me but they are there and they'll always be there…consistent.

But now for the first time I see them for who they really are…not relatable strangers…just strangers. They don't know that I like mint chocolate chip ice cream and they don't know I bite my lip when I'm nervous and they don't know that I get dust in my eyes at sad movies. They don't know about my mum or my dad. They don't know…me.

I bite my lip between my teeth so hard that I feel a small bit of blood run over my tongue. For the first time in my life, London doesn't feel like home because none of these strangers are Emily.


	13. Chapter 13

***So it was a pretty even split b/n who didn't like the new way of writing and the people who did enjoy it. So I'm going to try to compromise by making Emily and Naomi's sections longer than I might've. Hopefully you guys/girls will still like it.* **

**Letters To Emily:**

**Chapter 13:**

**Emily's POV:**

"Emily!" A voice, a guy's voice, someone shaking my arm. I drag my eyes open just a bit to see J.J's worried face staring at me. He's still shaking my arm; almost jerking me around in the bed he's shaking it so hard. I want to move. I want to push him away but I really can't. My eyes start to drift back closed by themselves; they're so heavy right now. I just need sleep.

A light slap to my face brings me round again. I manage to open my lips to yell at J.J. but then something else threatens to come out my mouth. I push at J.J's arm and roll out of bed. It takes every bit of strength I have to reach the bathroom in time. I hear J.J. rushing after me and another set of footsteps….that just manages to register before I'm kneeling down in front of the toilet and purging my body of a foul mixture of pills and vodka. It burns just as bad coming back up as it did going down.

I feel my body shudder as the last bit of it leaves me. I go to sit back on my heels because I think it's over and that little bit of movement makes my head spin and I lean back over the toilet for round two. In the middle of what feels like I'm vomiting my entire stomach out my mouth, a cool hand pulls my hair back into a loose ponytail and another hand strokes gently down my back.

I'm still coughing and gagging over the toilet and my eyes are watering when I hear a familiar voice, "Oh…you silly cow." Only I would know the difference between these words and an insult. Only I know that these are more loving and chastising than ugly.

"J.J, hand me a wet washcloth will you?" I hear water running and then a cool towel is placed on the back of my neck. Then she reaches round with another cloth and wipes most of the shit off my face. The cool water on my cheeks gives me the strength to sit back from the toilet. I do it slowly and with my eyes closed so I don't throw up again. I hear a rustle of clothing and then she's wiping off my face again. I slump back against the wall and let her clean me up because I don't have the energy to do anything else.

"I'll leave you two for a moment." I hear J.J. say and then the door opens and closes again.

It's only then that I'm able to open my eyes. She doesn't look at me in the eyes. She busies herself with flushing the toilet and getting me another wet washcloth. She kneels back in front of me and is wiping my face again. I'm left wondering how the hell she can clean my face without meeting my eyes. I don't know but she's doing it. To get her to look at me I open my lips and say her name. It comes out a croak but it does come out,

"Katie."

Finally she looks up at me. I'm surprised to see tears in her eyes. Her voice is hoarse, like she's already been crying, "How many did you take, Ems?"

She must see the confused look on my face because she clears her throat and asks again, "J.J's pills, Ems. How many?"

I shrug my shoulder and push the words out even though they feel like glass in my sore throat, "Dunno, not enough to do what you obviously think I was trying to do. Just enough to forget."

A tear spills down Katie's cheek and I've never seen her look so fragile. She reaches for me with shaking hands and pulls me into a rough hug, like it's too hard to be gentle. Like she needs to feel that I'm real right now, like I'm going to go away at any second. Her fingers ball up in my T-shirt, gathering the fabric between them. Her back shakes a little and I feel her chest heaving a bit against mine. She's not quite sobbing but I can tell she's crying a bit because her breaths are coming out shaky.

After a moment, when she's calmed down a bit, she says, "You don't know how scared I was. To get a call like that. He said…he said, 'Emily won't wake up and she's taken my pills and she won't wake up.' I thought that I would get here and…and you'd be gone…just gone and there'd be no way I could take it back or make it better or be better or…." Her voice breaks at the end and she stops talking.

It's only then that I reach up and wrap my arms around her too because as much as I thought Katie hated me…she fucking _cares_. Just as soon as I've finally embraced her Katie pulls away a bit, almost like it's too much to take right now.

She brushes a bit of hair off my cheek and whispers, "It's time to come home, Ems. Stop all this. Come back."

I push her hand away, "You want me to pretend like this all never happened. Like it was a faze, like she never existed."

Katie shakes her head, "That's not what I said."

"That's what you meant."

"Ok…so maybe that's what I meant." She gives me a stubborn look as if she can't possibly be wrong in this and before I can tell her how fucking wrong she is, she says, "She's gone. I don't mean to be a bitch about it but it's the truth. J.J. told me how you've been acting these past few days. Drinking yourself to death, taking his pills? That's not you, Emily. And even if we haven't been getting along lately, I do _know_ you. I'm your bloody sister."

I can't even contain the snort of laughter that escapes my lips because she still says, "sister", like it means something.

Katie pulls back but then that stubborn look is right back in her eyes, "Yeah that's right, I'm your sister. I'm family. And while that means I might not be the nicest person to you sometimes." I roll my eyes at the understatement but she continues, "But I'm your _sister_. Which means no matter what I've got your fucking back and no matter what I'll always…always love you, Ems."

I feel my eyes well up with tears because honestly I can't remember the last time I heard those words from Katie…from anyone. I try to swallow the lump that builds in my throat but it won't go down.

I look up at her face and for the first time in years, its open and kind and…my sister. "Why…why does it take this much for you to make things clear?"

Katie shakes her head because she doesn't know the answer and neither do I. We hate each other because all it takes is angry words and sharp glances. We love less because it takes work and understanding. Somewhere along the way we got lazy and the words got lost down the line. We lost ourselves, forgot to tell each other who we were, forgot to care.

With a sigh Katie stands up and holds out her hand, "Come on little sister. Tonight we're going to go out and dance at the club, forget about everything, and then we're going to go home and talk to Mum and Dad together."

I look at her hand. It's the hand she slapped me with a few weeks ago. But it was also the hand holding my hair up and wiping my face. The perfectly painted nails. The scar on her knuckle where I bit her. Katie. My twin. My opposite.

I put my hand in hers and she pulls me up from the cold linoleum floor.

**Freddie's POV:**

Sometimes you think that life can't get any better. Like when you get the girl you never thought you could get. When she wants you back. When she agrees to be tamed and tied down…to you. But see, that's when things trick you because she shouldn't have been tied down. She shouldn't be tamed. Because you loved her the way she was and this new version is different. Different isn't necessarily bad but different isn't great either. She looks at you for long periods of time and when she kisses you she sighs like it's either the first or last time but she can't decide which. It feels less like lusting after someone and more like love and that's good but it's not _her._ It's not the girl you fell in love with and that confuses the hell out of you.

That's why as I'm watching her dance from across the room, I feel my heart speed up still, just looking at her. But I'm also looking for reasons. Reasons to fuck it up, reasons to hate her again for taking herself away. I'm looking for a reason to turn her back into the girl I fell in love with and that's…unobtainable.

I watch as she dances in the middle of the floor. She owns the place, of course she does because her blue eyes are knowing, just like her hands and the way her hips twirl…I'm not the only guy to notice, of course I'm not. In fact, my best mate notices. He's dancing next to her. Or is it on top of her? I can't really tell. His hands aren't touching…not really. Just suggesting like in the near future they might be touching and that is making me take extra hits off my spliff.

I feel the couch sink as Thomas and Panda sit on the other side and without a word I pass them the spliff. Thomas takes a hit and then laughs at Panda when she holds it funny to take hers. I look away from Effy and Cook because really there's nothing else I can do and now there's a sort of balance because I'm here watching her and I can't go over and just _touch_ her. It's almost like before and I want to slap myself and say, 'You asked for it, you cunt.'

My gaze slides over to the door and I see Katie and Emily hovering near it. It's clear they've just come in and I feel my eyes get visibly wider at the sight of Emily. She's always been a little more modest than Katie is but tonight she's wearing a plaid shirt that's about two sizes too big and a pair of jeans. Her face is dead. Like she's lived a hundred years and everything we mortals get up to is no longer any concern of hers. Katie squeezes her hand and Emily gives her a sad smile before she walks away from Katie and towards the bar.

Without needing to look, I know that Effy is looking at me and so I turn to see her eyes showing about as much concern as Effy ever does show. She puts a hand on Cooks shoulder and then glides away after Emily.

As I watch her go I'm aware that Katie has now come over and pulled up a chair next to the couch.

"Everything alright, Katie?"

She shrugs one slender shoulder and gives me a sad smile, "It's all well fucked up you know?"

I think back to Effy dancing and Cook's hands and Emily's dead eyes and smile back at Katie but its more like I'm just showing my teeth, not really smiling, "Yeah…I guess it all is. Is she going to be ok?"

Katie shakes her head and cranes her neck trying to see through the crowd, trying to see Emily I suppose and I realize that tonight is the first time I think I've ever seen her act like a sister.

I reach over and take the spliff that's nearly gone from Panda and take a puff myself. "Well…you know, if anyone deserved a happy ending it was Ems. I mean, I got mine and I'm just fucking ecstatic about it." I don't mean for it to come out sarcastically but for some reason it does.

Katie looks over at me sharply, "Do you….did Effy…" Then she sucks in a breath like she's taking back all the sentences that just tried to pour out.

I know the words are there. The ones I've been searching for all along, "Did Effy what? What were you going to say, Katie?"

Katie shakes her head and purses her lips like she's afraid that secrets are going to pour out, "It's not really my place."

She goes as if to get up but I grip her arm, "Katie…I'm going to go insane over here. Sometimes the way she looks at me….but then something is up and the not knowing is just going to fucking…"

"ShefuckedCook." The words spill out all at once like water and I just fucking _knew_ it. I don't even feel myself stand up or walk out onto the dance floor but suddenly I'm there and Cook is smiling his fucking smile at me and my fist is fucking knocking it right off his fucking face.

I watch my best mate slam to the floor with a detached feeling, like I had nothing to do with it. I watch as he grabs his jaw and looks up at me with understanding and knowing on his face. He's not angry, he just looks sad and somehow that's worse. He stands up and lets people that are still dancing jostle him. His body jerks and gets pulled by their movements but his eyes remain on mine.

I see Effy hurry through the crowd and just like always she stops in between us. Just like Cook, she knows why I'm standing there with bleeding knuckles and just like Cook she looks sad about it.

She looks sad that is, until Katie comes up to stand next to me. Then Effy's eyes narrow into slits, "You fucking told him." It's not a question. She knows because Effy always fucking _knows_.

To her credit Katie doesn't back down. She whispers, "Yes."

Venom shoots out of Effy's mouth, "Why? Because you just like to be a bitch. Wanna fuck everyone up like you've done your sister?"

Katie looks as if Effy has slapped her but she fires back, "Why!? Because you get fucking everything! You think you're so goddamn special but you don't even deserve a guy like Freddie if you're going to be fucking around on him. You're really nothing but a no good whore who's sleeping with her boyfriend's best friend. And you dare to tell me I like to fuck people up?"

I catch a movement out of the corner of my eye and turn to see Emily rushing away from us all. Away from all the hurt that's being poured out. Away from Katie and Effy who are still yelling at each other. I turn my back on them too and don't look back.

**Naomi's POV:**

Maybe it's because I'm so tired of lying in bed. Sometimes sleeping, mostly crying. Maybe it's because I'm so tired of being locked up in my own head, cursing myself for making a mistake. I don't know the reason but when Liz and Megan, two girls who _think_ they're my friends, rang me a half an hour ago I agreed to have dinner with them.

Now I can't even begin to imagine why I decided to come. It's not that they're bad people, we hang out in the same groups, go to the same parties. They're pretty enough girls, with brown hair and oval faces, they get the boys…just like I used to. But it all seems so fucking pointless now. It seems like a lifetime ago. It seems like I'm another person.

However, I bet if they were talking about politics or the AIDs crisis in Africa, I'd be just as zoned out because truthfully, nothing seems important after I left Bristol…and Emily.

Liz leans forward and touches my arm, signaling to me that I probably should've been paying attention, "Naomi? Did you hear me?"

I blink at her, "No…sorry Liz, I must've missed that."

She looks over at Megan and they giggle in fucking _unison_ and I have the urge to just get up and leave. Megan leans across the table like she's telling me a secret, "We invited some guys to come out tonight. There's this dreamy bloke, Ryan, whos been just dying to get into my knickers and Liz's Stephan is coming so we thought we'd be nice and invite someone for you…his name is Josh."

I roll my eyes and I'm about to say, 'fuck no…absolutely not,' but then Megan looks over my shoulder and beams widely.

"Here they are…Naomi meet Josh." I watch as Liz's guy and Megan's guy each lean over to wrap their arms around their girls. Ryan sits in the chair next to me and he's handsome enough I suppose. Blondish-brown hair, green eyes…nice build. But his eyes have a faraway look in them and he reeks of alcohol. I feel his hand on my thigh and I'm disgusted that he thinks this is 'ok' when he hasn't even said, 'hullo' or anything. I'm just about to push it away when I realize I feel eyes on me.

I look over at the large window near the front of the diner and that's when I see _him._ He's staring in at me and I see his fists clenching and unclenching and it's just so…fuck my life because something like this would happen.

He turns and starts to walk away and that's when I bolt out of my chair, almost pushing Ryan out of his because I _have_ to follow him. I have to explain. I shove out the door, ignoring the calls from both Liz and Megan.

My heels click on the streets and I realize I'm never going to catch up with him so I just yell out, "J.J.!"

Oddly enough, he turns and starts walking back towards me as if he was just waiting for me to call his name.

When he gets in front of me I ask the only question that will come out of my lips, "How…what are you doing here?"

He blinks rapidly and I think he must be on the brink of what Emily described as 'being locked on' but he stays straight enough to tell me, "I came on a train…today. I went to your Grandpa's house before and found out your address. Then I came to your house…here in London. I needed to talk to you. Your Mum told me where you were because I told her I was a friend of Emily's. So I came…to talk to you. Now I don't think I want to."

He turns as if he's going to walk away again but I grip his sleeve. My voice sounds whiny even to my own ears but I need him to understand, "Please, J.J., you have to understand…."

He interrupts me with a yell, "Well you know what? I don't understand. I don't get any of it! Flip…just…flip you all and the way you hurt Emily! I came here to try and talk you into coming back because she is so…not Emily anymore and everything is just smashed to bits and I don't know how to fix it because I'm not Freddie and I can't handle it all on my own. But then I get here and you're with some other guy, here in London and not even in Bristol at all and you left her Naomi…you _left_ her."

I can't even bring myself to look at him, "I know…I know."

He quiets down and I almost don't catch what he says, "You're not good for Emily. Stay away from her. She deserves better than you."

With that he really does walk off and I watch his retreating form until I can't even see him anymore through my tears. It's then that I whisper, "I know," again because she really does deserve better.

By the time I get home I'm a real fucking mess. I slam the door behind me and slump down in the chair that you're meant to use when taking your boots off. Mum must've heard the door slam because she come podering out of the kitchen wearing an apron and looking like a proper Mum and just that sets me off crying again because that's all I ever wanted her to be.

I feel rather than see her kneel down in front of me and she pulls me into a very awkward hug considering I'm sitting down but all the same her arms are around me and she's warm when I feel rather cold. She rubbing my back and murmuring nonsense soothing words and it's a throwback to how I tried to comfort Emily that one time in my kitchen and that makes me realize that I've learned how to comfort people from somewhere and that somewhere is my mum.

It's probably too late to say it and have it mean anything but I whisper in my mum's ear, "I'm sorry you had to lose the person you loved." It's as I say it that I think about how much I didn't understand how bad Mum was hurting after Dad left her.

Mum pulls away from me a bit and rubs underneath my eyes as if she can catch my tears. "Losing your father was hard but the person I love the most in the world is still right here with me. Without knowing you were still here I don't think I would've made it through that."

She pulls me into another awkward hug except this time it doesn't feel so awkward, it feels like us. Not always comfortable, a bit unsure, but loving even when we don't necessarily know how to do it right.

Afterwards I walk up to my room and pull out a piece of paper. I leave my phone sitting on the table next to me because to hear 'no' or 'fuck off' from her would be too much. So I sit down and write my first letter to Emily.

**J.J's POV:**

Sometimes I hate being the way I am but mostly I'm glad I'm not normal because I see how much normal people hurt each other and themselves. They don't think things through and they don't look at who their actions are affecting.

It's extremely late as I walk in through my front door. Mum is waiting for me like she always does but she's asleep in her chair like she always is. I've told her countless times that its pointless to wait on me if she's just going to fall asleep but she insists that she can't fall asleep without knowing I'm home and safe. Again, normal people aren't logical.

I lean over and kiss her forehead though because its nice to know that every night no matter how tired, angry, locked on, or upset I am…somebody will be waiting for me.

I trudge up the stairs, not even bothering to count them and I'm just so annoyed with everything that it only bothers me a little not to count them. When I walk into my room, I'm surprised to see Emily curled up on my bed once more and I sigh to myself. Things must have gotten messed up with Katie again then. Can't things ever just stay ok?

I sit down on the bed and gently rub her back. I want to ask her if she's feeling better because last time I saw her she'd just got done vomiting into my toilet.

Emily wakes up with a start. She blinks her eyes and stares blankly at me for a second. At first I want to remind her who I am…I'm J.J. her best friend because she looks as if she's forgotten.

Instead words tumble out of her mouth, "I need a favor."

I nod my head, unsure of what she'll want but anything Emily needs, I'd give to her. That's when she leans forward and kisses me. It's my first time kissing a girl and it's bizarre that it's Emily. She's kissing me with force, like she's trying to prove something to me and to her all at the same time.

When she pulls away I try to say something but I can't get any words out. Emily doesn't look at me patiently and wait for the words like she usually does; instead she grips the hem of her shirt and pulls it over her head. I can't help but look because honestly she is a girl even if she's my best friend and it's the first time I've seen a girl naked…well nearly naked before.

Emily's eyes are serious as she says, "I'm asking for something, J.J."

I know what she wants. Even I'm not that much of a retard to mistake that. I don't know if I should do it though because I never leap into anything. I'm not normal enough to fuck everything up because of the heat of the moment.

But then Emily leans forward and kisses me again and this time its gentler and more like I wanted my first kiss to be so I let her pull me down onto my mattress and I let my hands run up and down her skin, liking the texture of it.

And that's when it turns out I'm more normal than I thought I was because after that there's no logic.

***Blegh it's been sooooo long since I last updated and I apologize deeply for that. For those of you still sticking with me and sending me messages to push me along, bless you for that. As a semi-excuse (not that there is any for not updating for like a month) I was in Germany for 3 weeks so there wasn't much time for writing. I cranked this chapter all out in one night because I absolutely felt the need to post something. I don't know how I feel…something bothers me about this chapter but I can't put my finger on it, maybe its because there's just so much happening at once…idk anyways hope you enjoyed it***


	14. Chapter 14

**Letters To Emily:**

**Chapter 14**

_12 June 2009_

_Emily,_

_Would you believe this is actually the first letter I've ever written? Everything is email and texts nowadays. So that being said I don't really know how to go about this the right way. _

_I guess what I wanted to say is simple enough though. I fucked up._

_Other than that..._

_Sorry_

_Naomi_

**Katie's POV:**

I slide in the front door trying not to make any noise. It's well into the morning, around 11 o'clock at least, so Mum should already be gone to work, that is, unless she noticed I was gone last night. If she did then she's probably here now and ready to give me hell. I slip off my heels and lay them next to the door so I won't make any noise when I climb the stairs. The house sounds quiet and still, empty and I let out a sigh of relief.

I open the door to my room and shut it behind me.

"Hi Katie." I spin around at the voice to find Emily sitting on her bed. I grab at my chest because she just like gave me a complete fucking heart attack. It's been about a week since she's even been in here and it strikes me that she looks a bit out of place now. I've strewn my clothes and shit about the room and some of it ended up on her bed. She's sitting next to a short skirt that used to be hers, something else I had taken from her.

I walk over and sit on my bed, "Hi Ems. It's good to have you back." I mean it. I thought when she left the club last night that she was mad at me again and the shaky truce we'd laid down yesterday had been shattered. It's good to see her sitting here waiting on me to sneak in; it makes it feel like old times. It gives me hope that maybe things can go back to normal.

I get up and walk over to my wardrobe, unbuttoning my top as I go. Of course I'd looked well lush in it but it did make it a bit hard to breathe. I slip it off my shoulders and reach for an old purple T-shirt crumpled at the bottom of the wardrobe. I hear Emily shift on her bed and then she says to my back, "He likes me."

I spin around to look at her because really, what the fuck? Her eyes are starting to tear up and I ask the only question I can think of, "What?"

She only murmurs it again and lowers her gaze to her lap where her hands are squeezed together. I can see that her fingers are starting to turn a bit white that she's squeezing so hard. I cross the room to squat in front of her, willing her to meet my eyes which she does a moment later.

Like it's a secret she whispers, "I fucked J.J." Her voice is raw and painful.

I pull back a bit because that's probably the last thing I would've expected to hear her say. I want to ask her questions like, _What about that whole gay thing? _Or more unexpected and important, _What about Naomi?_ I don't even know why I give a fuck about her but it did seem like Emily had cared. I want to know why she tore up our whole family if she was just going to go out and fuck guys anyways.

My mouth is open ready to say God knows what but Emily beats me to it, "He likes me and he wants to take me on a date. A fucking date, Katie."

Suddenly she bursts out into tears like that's what broke her or something. She reaches for me blindly and pulls me into a hug. Her fingernails dig into the skin on my shoulder and I wince but just pull her all the tighter. As she sobs into my neck and I rub her back, consoling her even though I don't know the reason. I realize that I was an idiot to assume things could ever be the same….things will never be normal.

_16 June 2009_

_Emily,_

_Well I think I made a mess of the first letter so I'm going to try and do better this time. I guess first I'd better explain a little bit about why I left you that day. It's going to be hard so please bear with me. Honestly, I'd love to have a great, beautiful, self-sacrificing excuse…something like "I didn't want to separate you from your family…" Or something like that. But to be honest, I don't. The truth is Emily, I was scared shitless. I know that's not something that can take away what I've done. You told me you loved me and I felt myself pull away without much reason. Needing someone, wanting someone, loving someone… scares me to death. Whether you're reading these notes or just throwing them straight in the bin, I don't know, but I figured that you at least deserved to know that these words come from me, even if they're a bit late, being with you made me feel vulnerable and at the same time invincible. I know it's a bit weird but that's the only way to describe it. You see, Emily, if you don't have anything…anyone…then nothing can be taken away from you. You can't lose the people you love if there's no one there to begin with. Those probably aren't the answers you need but those are the only ones I've got._

_I'll never stop regretting what I did but maybe, just maybe someday I'll get to say those three words to your face._

_Love,_

_Naomi_

**Freddie's POV:**

I finish and bite almost clear through my lip to hold back my groan. It's been days and each time she tries to hold me afterwards, tries to meld her body with mine. Tries to be mine and everyday I shrug it off, stiffen up because really I'm not hers and that's the fucking problem.

But today is different. She doesn't collapse on my chest and gently kiss my neck. She doesn't burrow into my side and hold me like I'm a lifeline. This time she rolls off me and starts pulling on her shirt. I watch with heavy eyes as she pulls her skirt up and slides her high heels on. Instead of caring or trying to make her stay I reach over to the ashtray where we layed my spliff before we began. I fumble around in the couch until I find the lighter then light the spliff back up. I sigh in relief as I pull in a ridiculously large hit. As I puff it out, she turns to look at me.

"We…it's not..." she sighs like the words are there but they won't come out. I'm kind of glad they won't. I don't want this, feelings. I can't take them anymore. She shrugs like that should be enough to tell me what she meant in the first place and leans down to place a kiss on my forehead. I want to tell her not to because her red lipstick always leaves a mark. We don't kiss when we fuck so I know its still on her lips but now it's probably on my fucking forehead. Her lips linger and I understand that maybe I should just give her this one thing. I'll let her leave this one mark on me. Lipstick on my forehead as a reminder because this sure as hell feels like a goodbye.

I know I'm right when she pulls away and gives a sad smile as she walks out the door. I watch her go and take another hit of my spliff.

Through the smoke I see the door shut with a bit of a slam and maybe she's pissed but I can't bring myself to care. I open my mouth and speak even though the shed is empty…maybe that's all I have now anyways is the emptiness

"Bye Katie."

**Effy's POV:**

Cook groans on top of me and his sweaty body falls on top of mine. I want to tell him that I can't breathe properly…that he's crushing me. That they're all fucking crushing me. Freddie with all his words and touches and fucking feelings. Cook with his laugh and his fucking grin and the way he just feels like a good fuck. They all just close in on me and leave me breathless. I'm not in control. I'm not me.

I push at his shoulder but he doesn't move. Instead he stays on top and I can feel his heavy breathing in my ear. Suddenly, I want to be anywhere else. I want to be somebody else. Weightless, air. Untouchable. Never here, never there but everywhere.

I push at Cook again and gasp out, "Move then you fucking tosser." I feel Cook's chuckle as well as hear it. His whole body jiggles on top of mine and it feels almost like a crude imitation of what we were doing moments earlier.

He finally rolls off me and before I even turn my head he's already reaching for his shirt. I pull the covers up to my neck because for some reason after we've got it out, fucked insanely, I don't want him to see me…or touch me. He pulls on his T-shirt that's got a huge stain on the front and then he's standing up and pulling up his pants. I close my eyes because the same thing works for him, after we're done, I don't want to see him.

I don't hear the door open and close like it normally does so I open my eyes slowly. Cook is looking down at me with a funny expression on his face.

"What are you looking at?" I narrow my eyes just so he knows that right now he's definitely not welcome.

A snort that doesn't really sound like a laugh comes from Cook's throat and he asks, "Talked to Freds?"

I shake my head and turn away so he can't see my eyes tear up, "Oh that's fucked up…why the hell would you ask me about that?"

Cook sits down on the edge of the bed and his back is to me so it's fine if I look now. He shrugs his shoulders quickly, almost like a twitch, "Dunno…he's my best mate you know?"

I sit up keeping the covers to my neck, "Yeah and you just fucked me…his fucking girlfriend. Real best mate you are."

Cook turns back to me, "Ex-girlfriend. He fucking left you didn't he?"

"Get out Cook. I mean it now."

He sighs like it's all a fucking kids' game that he's getting tired of and then walks to my door. On the way out I hear him murmur, "Don't worry Ef, he left me too."

True it's been days since I've seen Freddie. I figure he'll give me a fucking look and I'll feel like the piece of shit that I am. So it's only after I shower that I feel my feet take me to where I've been longing to go all week. I know the way. I spent almost every day there once upon a time. When things were good, when they were fun, before he loved me.

I round the corner of the house, don't even bother going inside because I've never come round to find him in his actual home…no he likes his shed. I step quickly through the garden. I don't know what I'm going to say or do. What I can do. I don't know if there are any words to make right what I've done. I'm not even sure I want him back but I do want to just _see_ him. I want to touch his cheek and have him smile at me like he used to. I want his rough thumb rubbing the back of my hand. Little things I miss, that I never knew were there in the first place.

Just as I near the shed _she_ walks out. She doesn't see me at first because she's straightening her fucking hair. It's well out of place and suddenly I know. Because he used to run his hands through my fucking hair, not hers.

"Katie." Just her name. It's enough. She looks up, startled and there's that guilty look that I've been so familiar with. I know because I used to feel like wearing it.

I want to reach out and grab her, shake that fucking look off her face because I know what it means. It means she's been touching someone that should be mine. She's touched the corners of his mouth and he's probably kissed that spot right below her ear like he used to do with me.

Katie's eyes are wild, "Effy, I just…I mean I wanted…I thought it would be, like different you know? Someone better, loving."

I don't know what the fuck she's on about so I just jerk my head towards the alleyway near his house. "They keep the trash out that way, you know?" I'm inches away from letting go of my cool and pounding on her fucking face and she must know it because I actually see Katie slink off. It's in that moment that she looks the most like Emily that I've ever seen her look.

She walks quickly away from me and a second later I can hear her heels clicking hollowly on the asphalt. With a hand that's shaking I reach forward and push the shed door open. There he is. Laying on his couch with just his boxers on. A spliff in hand and lipstick on his fucking forehead.

He sits up quickly on the couch, dropping the spliff in his lap and then he's fumbling with it to keep himself from getting burned. I watch him for just a moment until he finally finds the spliff and picks it up. His hair is disarrayed and he looks up at me with his fucking _eyes_ the ones that told me he loved me, the ones that said he cared and he can't do this to me right now.

"I fucking hate you." I say. Then I turn and run.

20 June 2009

_Emily,_

_Well you haven't really answered any of my letters so I'm guessing that you probably aren't even reading them. If it's alright I'll keep writing them. Lately I've been getting this tightening feeling in my chest and for a second I feel like a can't breathe and I think in those moments that if I could just talk to you or look at you then maybe air would somehow find its way into my lungs again. So even though you're not answering. Doing this. Writing these fucking words on a page is basically the best I've got right now. _

_I saw a girl that looked like you today. I only saw her from behind at first but she was rushing away from me in the crowd and she had your hair so I followed her, practically running down the street after this girl. Followed her all the way to the tube but the doors shut before I could get on and she turned around to look out the window and she wasn't you. _

_I went to the bathroom in the tube station and cried._

_I miss you,_

_Naomi_

**J.J's POV:**

I'm walking next to Emily but I'm having to count the lines in the sidewalk because I'm seconds away from getting locked on. This isn't how things are supposed to be between Emily and me. She's always made me feel calm and like she's easy to talk to but tonight, the date I'd stupidly asked her on(because isn't that what your supposed to do if you're shagging someone?) anyways, it couldn't possibly be more awkward.

Mum had been so happy I was going on a date. She'd helped me pick out my clothes and kissed my cheek and gave me some money, telling me that gentlemen always paid for the lady. I wonder what she would say if she knew Emily had professed to be gay and then had sex with me. I wonder what Mum would say if she knew Emily had cried that night but she'd tried to hide it by turning her face to the pillow.

I'd told Cook. He'd pounded me on the back and cheered that I'd finally "turned into a man." I figured once I was a man I'd know what to do. I'd be someone who could wear a suit and tie without looking like I was borrowing my dad's clothes. I thought I'd be someone who could reach for Emily's hand without almost having a panic attack.

We reach Emily's house and I know this is the end of the date but I'm not sure where we're going to go from here. Somehow between the fucking and the stupid movie we saw, we've turned into different people. Emily turns to look at me and she's illuminated by a streetlamp and it occurs to me that even though she's been my best mate since primary, I've never realized how staggering she is.

I surprise myself and actually reach for her hand. I know mine is sweaty but Emily doesn't pull away. She smiles a bit sadly down at our fingers that are tangled together. Then she looks up at me with a sick twisted look on her face, one that I don't like seeing.

"You like me, don't you J.J?"

I do…don't I? "Yeah, I mean I think I do. You're nice." I want to slap myself. That was a retard answer.

She leans over and kisses me gently on the lips and I want to deepen it and pull her closer but I don't think this is the right time.

I wrap my arms around her and pull her into a hug and she just sort of sighs and wraps her arms around my back, pulling me tight, a bit too tight and it's a little hard to breathe but I'm okay with that right now.

"Do you want to be my girlfriend?" She stiffens in my arms and that probably wasn't the right thing to ask but…isn't that how things work? I like her. We had sex. We went on a date. It all adds up to a girlfriend.

Emily pulls away from my hug and stares at me for quite some time and I'm preparing myself for a _no_ but instead she just nods quickly. She puts her hand to my cheek and just rests it there for a second.

"Please don't hurt me. I couldn't take it. I trust you." Then she turns and walks into her house.

I only realize after she's left that I should have told her that I need to be more worried about her hurting me than the other way round. I'd never hurt her.

_30 June 2009_

_Emily,_

_So Da called yesterday. His girlfriend is pregnant and they're going to get married. So it turns out I'm going to have a brother or sister sometime. Mum cried for an hour after the call and when I tried to hug her she just said, "He's happy but it's not with me." I told her "You mean not with us." Because really he left me too. Well that just made her cry harder but that time I let myself cry with her._

_I guess when you lose the person you love it never stops hurting does it? _

_I know I said it's ok if you don't write me back but now I'm asking. Please? Please just talk to me or just let me know that you're still out there. That I didn't just imagine how happy I was with you. _

_Just so you know, I count the days, hours that we've not been together. I tried to stop because it hurts too much to think about but I just can't._

_Naomi_

**Emily's POV**

I slide in the front door and try to quietly click it shut behind me.

"Emily is that you?" Mum comes walking out of the kitchen. She doesn't fuss at me for being late and she looks almost happy when she asks, "Were you out with J.J?"

I nod my head numbly and Mum kisses the top of my head, "I told you it was just a faze. Aren't you glad that things are back to normal?"

I don't answer her but I just step out of her embrace and walk up the stairs. When I get into our room, Katie looks up from her laptop and smiles at me. "You're home early."

I sit on the edge of my bed and start taking off my shoes. She sets aside her laptop and asks, "Didn't feel like sleeping with J.J. tonight then?"

"I fucked him but I don't like sleeping with him."

"What?"

I lie back on my bed as soon as my shoes are off and cover my eyes with my hands because I don't want her to see the tears, "I don't like sleeping with him. The fucking is easy but afterwards he tries to hold me and I just…I can't."

Katie stands up and looks down at me angrily, "I thought you were happy."

I remove my hands so she can see that my eyes have tears in them, "But Katie, I am happy. You and Mum got what you wanted. I have someone who actually cares about me. I fucking fine and dandy."

**Katie's POV:**

I slam the door of our room as I leave Emily to cry in her bed. She's going to snap J.J's heart if she keeps this up. For a week or so I actually thought that maybe she could be happy with him. I thought she'd be ok but she's not.

I walk downstairs to get a drink of water or something because for some reason I feel like I might be sick. That's when I see Mum reading a letter that when she sees me walking in she immediately folds it right back up and puts it in a box that is sitting next to her.

I lean against the doorframe and watch as she takes a sip of the red wine she has sitting next to her, "What's that then?"

Mum nudges the box with the back of her hand, "That girl has been writing letters to Emily."

It's a good thing I'm leaning on the door. "What? And you've just been keeping them?"

Mum puts down the wine and I see her hand is shaking a bit, "It's easy to make the bad guy in this situation Katie. But I caught them on my couch and…." She clears her throat but it looks like she might cry, "I didn't even know that Emily…I just didn't know my own daughter. It was just so….well anyways, I threw the first ones away. Didn't look at them. I didn't want to. But then out of curiosity I opened one and read it and then I just couldn't do it anymore."

She looks away from me and swallows and I ask, "How many have there been?"

"Now there are twenty five in this box but I threw away five."

I'm sure my mouth almost drops to the floor, "She's written every day for like a month and you haven't said anything to Emily about it?"

Mum rests her head in her hands. "I don't know what to do. I love her so much but I just don't know."

That's when my mum starts to cry.

**Effy's POV:**

Someone is pounding on the door. They've been at it for a bit but I couldn't find the will to get up. The room spins for a second when I finally do stand up but that's probably from the pills and booze that I took last night. I stumble down the stairs and hear my mum snoring happily away in the living room while someone is knocking down our front door.

I open the door and Katie Fitch is standing there looking up at me.

I immediately try to close it.

"Fuck it…Effy." I hear her say and she pushes her body in the crack so I can't close it. I can't see much of her, just an arm and the foot that she shoved in the door. I'm tempted to just push as hard as I can on the door until they pop off.

I probably am about to do something that mad until with a mighty shove she gets it open. I stumble backwards because really I had no idea that Katie was that strong. With the door open I see her panting a bit and she must see the shock on my face.

She shakes her head, "Whenever we were bad. Dad used to make us to push-ups and pull-ups like as punishment."

I tilt my head back because we are absolutely not going to have a conversation and pretend like everything is okay, "What do you want Katie?"

Katie shrugs and then blows a bit of hair out of her face, "Look…I know I fucked everything up okay? I get it. But I'm tired of sitting around watching you all hurt and being just saddos alright? So I came to fix it."

I shake my head at her, "You can't. And besides you're the one who fucked it all up in the first place."

With a quirk of an eyebrow she says, "Really? I did it all on my own, Ef?"

I want to smack her in the face for being right. "Please just leave Katie."

"He was thinking of you, Effy."

"What?"

She looks at the ground, "When he was fucking me. He was thinking of you."

"What? Why on earth would you tell me that?"

When she finally meets my eyes I see that she looks upset, like she could cry, "Because I would've given anything to have him thinking of me."

She turns to walk away but I shout after her, "Where are you going?"

"To fix more things."

I look back at my mess of a house and sigh because things haven't been fixed in a long time but maybe its time I started trying.

"I'll come with you."

***grr I hate filler more than anything and I can't help but feel this was like pages of just filler. Blegh more action next time. I have a good idea of how I'm going to end this story but I'm just trying to figure out how to get us there so please bear with me***


	15. Chapter 15

**Letters To Emily**

**Chapter 15**

**Naomi's POV:**

I sit at the table and watch my mum poddering round the kitchen, making me eggs and humming under her breath and I wonder how my life got to be like this. Ludicrous. I press my forehead against our kitchen table and it's cool against my forehead. To think I was such an idiot. Writing all those sodding letters, her not answering, her probably ripping up each one and then laughing with Katie about what a pathetic person I am.

"You expecting anyone, love?"

Without lifting my forehead, I mutter into the wood of the table, "No…why would anyone come see me?" And it's true. I've stopped going out with my "friends" here in London.

"Well, a taxi is outside and…" I lift my head to look at her because now she's not talking. Now she's craning her head, looking out the kitchen window and a look is crossing her face before she turns to stare at me with wide, open eyes.

I rub at my forehead because I can feel where the edge of the table left a mark, "What? Who is it?"

"Love…it looks like Emily and some other girl."

I'm on my feet before I even know what's happening. I'm running my hands through my hair. Is this real? Can it be real? I catch a glimpse of bright red hair out of the corner of the kitchen window and just like that I'm hoping against all expectations that this isn't some fucked up dream that'll leave me crying in the morning.

My socks skid on the floor as I rush to the door. I almost fall on my ass and wouldn't that just be fucking…well just something that would happen to me. Gripping the doorframe with a desperate hand, I steady myself and reach for the doorknob. My hand trembles and I want to shout, "Get a hold of yourself, Campbell."

I open the door before she even bloody rings the bell and that alone just makes me look pathetic and sad but it doesn't even matter because…it's not _her_. And my heart falls.

Effy is sort of standing aloof behind her, a fag smoking between her long fingers. I nod at Effy sharply because…well, even if she did mildly threaten me in Bristol, she was sort of _nice_, in a _I never talk because I just stare at people knowingly but if you hurt Emily I'll kill you_ kind of way.

After the nod, there's nothing to say. Nothing to say…at least not to her so I shut the door or at least I try to.

Katie's foot is in the little gap and I hear her gasp out, "Fuck…if I have to do this like one more fucking time…Didn't anyone one tell fucking anyone that slamming doors in peoples' faces is like rude and stuff?"

She doesn't really push but her foot is there, stopping me from shutting her out. If I had shoes on, preferably heels even though I never wear them, I'd stomp on her foot and possibly add in a little bit of heel grinding to hear her scream.

I hear Effy snort but then she murmurs, "Fucks sake…Naomi let us in, yeah?"

"Why? So you and Katie can come bitch me out for leaving? Or was this just a friendly little visit?" I'm a bit angry but my voice comes out like I'm about to cry and I just hate it because I don't even know why.

I asked Effy, didn't want to talk to Katie but she responds anyways, "Naomi, we're not here for you, or for me, but we are here for Emily so if you could stop being a cunt for like one minute of your life and let me in the house, I'd really like to talk to you. Talk…Naomi, not yell." There is a long pause because I don't move but neither does she. There's a sigh and then, "Please."

It's the please that does it and against my will, the door opens and somehow Katie Fitch slides into my house with a pleased look on her face. She looks around immediately and I almost can _feel_ her judging it and even though I've come to hate this place as well, I feel an ironic urge to defend it or something.

Effy like _glides_ in through the small space that Katie left the door open. She quirks one side of her mouth up while looking at me but it doesn't really come off looking like a smile, probably because she looks like such a fucking mess. I want to ask her what's wrong. Why she's standing there with that sad smile on her face, mascara all smudged, hair in two messy pigtails,

Katie smirks at me and with a nod to my house says, "It's nice…like cozy, you know?"

I have to repeat a mantra in my head, _don't smack Katie in the face, don't punch her, don't karate kick her fucking teeth in..._ and its not like I'm even that violent but I'm sure for Katie I could learn.

"Katie, why the fuck are you here? I'm not in the mood to get yelled at or told how stupid I am."

Katie quirks an eyebrow at me and crosses her arms, "Well you know that you're a fucking twat right?"

"Katie," Effy says quietly and it sounds like a warning.

I clench my fists and repeat my mantra again even though I'm not even sure why I'm doing it, "Yes, I know I fucked up but I've lived with my mistake for a whole fucking month now and I don't need you coming here to my house and reminding me what a mess I made."

And of course since it's my life and everything, my mum chooses this exact moment to pop her head into the foyer and ask, "Tea anyone?"

Effy snorts in something like laughter, I roll my eyes, and surprisingly enough Katie smiles politely and says, "Oh, yes please. Thank you very much."

So minutes later I'm sitting with Katie and Effy in the kitchen. After several extremely awkward questions and observations, Mum finally takes the hint and goes to tidy up somewhere else in the house.

Effy pushes her tea towards the center of the table and just stares around at the kitchen but Katie takes a large sip and sighs, "Your mum makes good tea."

I push my cup to the center of the table just like Effy, "Why are you here, Katie?"

Effy looks over sharply at Katie, "Get to it, Katie, stop mucking about."

Katie puts her tea down and mutters, "Right." Then she takes a deep breath and blurts out, "She loves you."

I snort, "She loved me. Past tense."

Katie leans forward on the table getting huffy even though we're sitting down, "See that's why you're such a stupid twat. Writing those letters? You should've like gone back to Bristol and sweep Ems off her feet with like apologies and" she wiggles her fingers vaguely in the air and grimaces "your, you know, lesbian charms or whatever you call it."

I almost laugh at Katie and tell her that her sister has some lovely "lesbian charms" but instead I shrug, "I don't think that would've worked either."

Katie is about to answer but Effy interrupts her, "Oh and this is working for you, is it?"

I look over at Effy a bit surprised because it had seemed she just came here to play mediator.

She looks back at me unflinchingly, "You love Emily. She misses you even though she's not admitting it. Own up to your mistakes. Apologize. Fight for what you want. Stop being such a fucking coward. It's simple."

With that she gets up and walks out of the kitchen. I'm left just staring after her until I turn to Katie who just smiles at me and motions to her cup, "It really is very good tea."

**Emily's POV:**

I walk into the house and shrug off my bag. Out of the corner of my eye I see Katie sitting at the kitchen table. She glances up as the door shuts and gets a panicked look in her eyes.

I go into the kitchen and she rises a bit from the table. Her eyes flit towards the hallway and I hear the toilet flush in the downstairs bathroom. Katie looks back at me with a weird look on her face, like she's done something wrong.

"Katie, who's here?"

Katie swallows, "I didn't expect you back."

I shake my head, "I just came home to change. I'm going out with J.J later."

The faucet turns on in the bathroom and whoever is in there is washing their hands.

Katie meets my eyes, "Look, you're going to feel really ambushed right now but I didn't expect you back and…"

"Hi, Emily."

I hear her voice and before my head has even turned to look behind me, I know who it is. She's still as beautiful as I remember her, even if she does look a bit tired. Her eyes lock with mine and she gives me a sad smile. And just like that I can't breathe and it's not fucking fair that she can abandon me for a month and then just come back like this.

"What…what are you doing here?" My voice sounds raw and before I talked I wasn't even aware that I was close to crying.

Naomi takes a step towards me with her hand out and just, no, she can't touch me because I'd unravel so I flinch backwards and she pulls her hand back.

"Ems…," she says, looking hurt and biting her bottom lip like I remember her doing so many times and its just too much.

I turn my back on her and whirl on Katie, "How could you bring her here?"

Katie stands up from the table, "Emily, you're not happy."

And now I am crying and I can't help it, "Fuck you, Katie. You had no right. No fucking right. I thought you were on my side."

"I am on your side, Emily."

I turn back to Naomi, "I can't do this right now. I won't. I'm going out with J.J., _my boyfriend_, and when I come back I expect you to be gone, right?"

I shove past her without waiting for a response and I pretend not to hear her start crying as I run out the front door.

J.J meets me outside the club and straightaway he knows something is wrong but I just shake him off, brush his arm off my shoulder and head into the dark inside of the club, more specifically the bar.

I've downed two shots before J.J's even caught up with me and he watches me tip the third one down my throat with a slight grimace. I want to forget that look on Naomi's face when I told her to go. I want to forget that she was in my kitchen, like it was normal, like she was meant to be there because I want to forget that she was ever a part of my life.

J.J puts his hand on my arm, "Don't you think you should slow down?"

I push him off and order another drink. After that ones down I grab J.J and yell to him, "Let's dance."

He follows me to the dance floor and as soon as we're there I wrap my arms around his waist and pull him close. I'm touching without really thinking about it, pulling him close so that I can push her away and I almost start crying but I hold back tears so I can pull his face down to mine. I kiss him fiercely, wishing that one day he could really possess me and own me like I want him too because that would make things so much fucking easier.

Without warning J.J. pushes me away and shouts, "No." I barely hear it over the music but I know what he said because it's written all over his face. I don't even have time to process it before he's turning and running away from me, pushing through the crowd frantically.

I run after him, pushing out of the club and into the night air. J.J. is leaning against the wall of the club, breathing heavily like he's just run a marathon.

"J.J what's up? Why'd you leave?"

He looks up at me with sad eyes, "I can't do this anymore, Emily. I thought…I mean I liked you, do like you but not like this."

I shake my head, "Don't do this. We can make this work."

"I'm not sure I want to." With that he shoves away from the wall and whispers, "Bye Emily."

I watch him walk away and I'm not even sure who I'm crying for because now two people have walked away from me.

Effy opens the door after only two knocks, takes one look at me, and then motions for me to come in. I stagger past her, not even really sure why I've come here but we're all so tangled up in each other, in hurting each other that I wasn't sure where I could go. Effy seems to be a safe bet right now because she has just as much reason to be mad at Katie as I do.

I tip back the bottle of vodka I'm carrying as Effy quietly shuts the door. The bottle is empty so I gently set it down inside the potted plant next to the door and promptly bust out laughing even though nothing's funny at all.

Effy leans back against the door and just watches me. My eyes are watering and I hear Effy murmur, "Isn't it odd that when we laugh sometimes we cry and it's hard to tell which we're actually doing?"

So I bust out into proper drunken tears, sliding to Effy's hallway floor and she places a hand on my back.

Her voice is calm and all around me when she says, "Poor little, Ems."

***A/N: I know this is a relatively short update but I had to write some because I actually got my computer fixed! I would've updated sooner but I got an extremely nasty virus on my laptop so I was concerned with saving everything and not so much with writing but I finally got rid of it so here's a little bit for those still reading, again many apologies for the delay***


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16:**

**Emily's POV:**

I wake up spread out across the entire bed, with hair in my face, and drool running down my cheek. I also wake up with thoughts of _where the fuck am I?_

"Morning Sunshine."

I look over at the window to see Effy sitting on the sill, smoking a cigarette. She's wearing a long shirt that might pass for a dress if Effy were about three inches shorter. She takes a drag and delicately taps the ash out onto the street below. She must see that I'm confused as hell because she gives me a ghost of a smile and says, "Yeah, you came over here completely off your tits last night, moaned about J.J. and Naomi, cried a bit, tossed up four times, and then passed out in my bed."

I sit up and put my hands over my forehead, covering my eyes because this much light should just be plain illegal.

"Oh yeah, after we fucked."

_What?!_ My neck cracks because I whip around to face her so quickly but then I see that Effy's lips are turning up just a bit at the edges.

"You're joking right?" My voice sounds more like a frog croaking really.

"Don't worry, even shitfaced you're really good in bed." I must be gawking because then Effy—silent, I never laugh or smile Effy—actually chuckles and gives me a look that seems kind of…_fond_ which is just weird. "No worries, Emily. I played the perfect gentleman and slept in my room."

I look around at the bare white walls that don't give any hints as to the person that lives within them and up at the sign above me that says, _Daily Sex_ and I think that this certainly seems like Effy's room.

"You mean this isn't your room?" Effy shakes her head and flicks a bit more ash off her cigarette, "Well…whose room is it then?"

I watch as Effy smashes the cigarette on the sill, obviously not caring as the black smudges over the white paint, "Tony's."

It means something that her throat works as she says his name, like it might choke her—it must but she just stands up and pushes her wild hair back and like that she looks like she's not bothered by anything.

"I'm going to go take a shower and then Panda and I are going for hot chocolates. You're coming too."

"I am?"

"Whenever Panda or I need cheering up, we go for hot chocolates so I called her earlier and told her you needed some serious cheering up." With that Effy opens her door a crack and slides out.

Even though it's a really small gesture, I mean, it's just like fucking hot chocolate, I feel really touched. I never understood why Pandora and Effy were friends because they seemed completely different. Panda was so innocent and concerned with everyone and Effy seemed so jaded and couldn't give a fuck. So with a simple call and an offer of hot chocolate, I can kind of see why they've been friends for so long. Effy cares. She just doesn't show it like Panda.

I'm just about to get out of bed when Effy's mobile vibrates on the nightstand, startling me. I don't mean to look, I honestly don't want to pry but I can't help it when my eye strays over to the lit up screen.

_Call from…_

_Naomi_

What. The. Fuck? Why would Naomi be calling her? I kind of want to pick it up, even if its just to hear Naomi say _hello_ because even after all this time and after all these tears, my heart jumped in my chest when I saw her yesterday. The best feeling I've had for a while was followed by the worst as everything she'd done to me rushed back but in those few seconds before I remembered the pain, I was happy. I was so fucking happy just because she was _there_ and that certainly makes me feel pathetic.

_No._ I steel myself; I will _not_ pick up the phone. The phone finally stops vibrating around the table and I let out a sigh. I wasn't weak; I withheld from temptation. Then the phone gives another quick vibration.

_1 New Voicemail._

Of fucking course. Listening to a voicemail isn't necessarily bad is it? I mean, Effy will still be able to hear it; I'll just hear it first. Feeling all kinds of shame I quickly snatch the phone from the nightstand, press one, and hold it to my ear.

_Hey Effy…guess you're not there. Anyways, I doubt you've talked to Katie but my little reunion didn't go exactly as you two planned. Emily came home early and surprised us and then told me to piss off basically. _

She sighs and I think for a second she's going to stop there but her voice comes back with a little catch in it.

_You both forgot to mention to me that she was dating J.J. Fuck…I just don't even know what to do anymore. Anyways, apparently Emily didn't come home last night and Katie wants to come over so she can give me advice. Whatever…I just wanted to ask you. Maybe if you see Emily can you kind of talk to her about all this or whatever like get her to talk to me or something? Just thought I'd ask? Bye._

So Effy was in on whatever idiotic, meddling plan that Katie concocted? I slam Effy's mobile back down on her nightstand, knocking over several bottles of pills that were on her dresser but I don't give a fuck. I don't even have to get dressed because I'm still wearing the stuff from last night.

I walk all the way home, feeling like I'm completely hedged in. I mean, my own sister first, then J.J., and now Effy.

When I get home the house feels empty and sure enough, when I walk upstairs Katie isn't there. There is however a note on my bed, along with a stack of papers. I pick up the note on top which has my name on it.

_Emily, I know you think I like screwed you over or whatever but I only was trying to help. I see that you're not happy most of the time and you're bloody annoying when you're in a foul mood. Maybe if you read these you'll understand why I did what I did._

_-Katie_

Underneath her note is a stack of letters and across the top they all say, "Dear Emily."

**POV: Naomi**

Katie and I were sitting at the kitchen table and she was carefully sampling my tea. I watched as her face fell, "Well I suppose Ems doesn't like you for your tea making abilities then."

I sigh and rest my head on my chin, "Weren't you there yesterday? It seems like Ems doesn't like me at all. Not to mention my tea does suck"

Katie leans back in her chair with a slight frown, "You're not like fucking giving up already are you?"

"I dunno Katie. Maybe this was a bad idea, I should probably just go back to London."

Katie rolls her eyes, "Jesus, you really are an idiot aren't you? Emily is pretty stubborn when she's pissed, yeah? You've gotta like convince her to take you back. Don't just pack it in at the first sign of trouble. Did you expect her to like throw a party just because you came back to Bristol?"

Of course not, I'd known that Emily would be mad at me but yesterday had been pretty brutal. Then I remember something, "Hey, I'm not the one who failed to mention that Emily has a _boyfriend_."

Katie at least has the decency to look down at the table, "Oh yeah, about that. Well…I mean its just J.J. isn't it?"

"Katie, its one thing for me to come here and tell Emily I want to be with her again and it's another for me to come here and expect to break her up with another person."

Katie looks shocked—like Naomi has morals?—but then she recovers, "Look, she's not happy with him at all. She like cries herself to sleep some nights. And I can't believe you're like fucking giving up after all…"

I interrupt her, "I never said I was giving up. I'm just saying, we marched in here all ready to change Emily's mind but did anybody ask Emily what she wants?"

With a snort, Katie replies, "I think it's pretty bloody obvious she wants you."

"I think I should try and talk to Emily and not push anything on her. Maybe she'll want to be friends, maybe she will just want to put me behind her but I've got to hear all this from Emily. You understand?"

Katie's about to answer but then I hear her mobile ringing. She lifts up her purse and digs it out.

"Lo?"

"She what? When?"

"Right, well…I'm sure she's just back home. Right, call me then if you see her."

Katie hands up and sighs out, "Bloody hell."

I'm instantly worried, "What? What's wrong?"

"Apparently, Ems went round to Effy's last night, drunk and sobbing that J.J. had broken up with her. Well, she slept there but this morning when Effy was in the shower she nicked a bottle of pills Effy had on the nightstand and left."

My immediate happiness at hearing that J.J. broke up with her is soon swallowed up with worry. "Why would she take the pills? That doesn't seem like Emily."

Katie stands up and I follow her to the front door while she's explaining, "Well, I didn't tell you but a bit after you fucked off, she took a load of J.J.'s pills and I had to work hard at bringing her round."

I cover my eyes with my hand as if that could block out the painful mental images I just got of Emily ceasing to exist, "Christ."

Katie puts her bag on her shoulder and gives me a sad smile, "Don't worry, I'll go home and she'll be there. I'll call you and let you know, ok?"

After Katie's left I sit back down at the kitchen table, staring blankly at the wall because what if Emily's not at home? What would I do if she took those pills? She must be feeling pretty rotten right now with me coming back unexpectedly and J.J. breaking up with her.

"_It's my place. When it all gets to be too much, this is where I come to get away."_

I jump up from the table and run upstairs to tell grandfather that I'm going out because I do know Emily. And I know where she is. I know I can find her--know it was what I was always meant to do, be the one who finds her, just like she found me.

--

It's hard to remember where to turn and when. The dirt country roads all seem to blend in together but I just manage to make it and suddenly I know I'm on the right lane. The one that I walked down when I left Emily.

I breathe a sigh of relief as I see her bike leaned against a tree next to the path and I throw mine down on the ground next to it. I almost run down the small hill that leads down to the lake, nearly busting my arse in the process but I don't have time to be delicate right now.

After I get down the hill, I see Emily's red hair shining in the woods and she turns around slowly, like I haven't even startled her but I don't see why I would've—I'm making more noise than a bear.

I stop when her eyes find mine and I want to go wrap her in a hug but I get that might be a bit much right now. Instead I walk over to her, like I didn't just come tearing through the bushes and sit down on the blanket next to her. She turns so that she's staring back out at the lake and not at me. I watch her silhouette because I've missed it so fucking much. Her lips, her eyelashes, the little dimples when she smiles.

Emily raises a bottle of vodka that I didn't see to her lips and takes a quick swig. She holds it out to me without looking at me and I take it but don't drink out of it. I notice with a bit of relief that there's still quite a bit left which means that Emily isn't trashed or anything.

We sit in silence for a few minutes. She doesn't ask for the vodka back and I don't offer it. Instead I ask, "You wanna talk?"

She lifts one of her shoulders and lets it fall, "What's there to talk about?"

Loads of stuff: I came back for you, I love you, I was wondering if you still love me, I want to kiss you; I want to touch your hand.

Instead I choose the easy topics, "Effy and Katie are quite worried. As was I."

Emily turns to look at me and I've missed those brown eyes looking at me _so much_. She blinks, "Why were you worried?"

I reach out my finger and touch the back of her hand, just one finger on her skin and she doesn't pull away. She flinches but she doesn't pull away. "Because I care about you, Ems." I try to make those words mean as much as they can but words will never really cover it.

Emily shudders as if hearing those words made her cold and I almost pull my finger back but instead I move my whole hand to cover hers.

That's when she pulls away and I try not to look hurt. She turns to look back at the lake again as she says, "No…I mean what was there to be worried about."

"Effy says you were pretty upset and then this morning you nicked a bottle of pills from her nightstand."

Emily chuckles but it sounds more mean than anything, "Ah, so Katie got it into her head again that I was trying to off myself? Nice. I can deal with a break-up in more constructive ways than suicide, you know?"

"Alright," I say. "So you didn't take the pills?"

"No I didn't take the bloody pills. I came down here to get away from everyone meddling in my life and that includes you, you know?"

That hurts it does but I take it because I shouldn't expect Emily to welcome me with open arms. "I wanted to talk to you about that."

"No," Emily says plainly and my heart clenches.

Keep strong, keep at it, make her see. "Alright, then I'll talk and you can just listen, ok?"

Emily doesn't say yes but she doesn't say no either and I take it as a sign to go ahead. "First of all, I'm sorry."

Emily snorts, "Oh…you're sorry? Cheers."

"Maybe I should try and explain a bit or something…"

Emily interrupts, "Your letters explained enough."

I'm shocked to say the least; Katie said that Emily hadn't been getting my letters. I look over at her bag and see the corner of one poking out of it. I swallow because I'm out on the line here and Emily can cut me down if she wants to. "You got those then?"

Emily turns to face me and she looks angry which was definitely not my intention when I wrote those letters, "I just now did. And you know what? Fuck you, Naomi. How dare you leave and then write all these…_things_ to me and then come back here and I hate you so much, you know that?"

She stands up to leave and its now or never so I get up too and reach across, grabbing her hand, pulling her to me. I wrap my arms around her and hold her even when she struggles and pushes at my shoulders, trying to get me to let her go but I'm not going to.

I duck down to look in her eyes and she turns her head but not in time because I can see the tears that are them. I watch the side of her face as one escapes from her eye and slides down her cheek, slow and painfully. I let go of her and wipe it away with my thumb. She stays close and turns to face me, another tear spilling from her other eye. I bring my other hand up and wipe that one. I frame her face with my fingers, stroke her cheeks, and let the tears roll over my fingers.

I lean closer and Emily jerks away a bit and I think that's it, she'll never let me in again. Instead she mumbles—with my lips just inches from hers—"Don't." Her eyes squeeze shut and I close mine too, just feeling her face beneath my fingertips. I hear her say, "Don't…not unless you mean it."

She's so fragile and I did this, I made these tears and its up to me to take them away, it's all I ever wanted to do anyways.

"I'm not going anywhere," I whisper and watch her shudder. Then I lean in and kiss her soft lips softly, holding her close the entire time. Emily whimpers back in her throat and pulls me closer, wrapping her fingers in my shirt.

We fade into one person and I can taste the salt from her tears on her face.


	17. Chapter 17

**Letters To Emily: Chapter 17**

**Emily's POV:**

I grip Naomi's shirt tight in my hands, probably stretching it out but I could give a fuck right now because _Jesus_ I've missed her so much. Missed this, kissing her. _She should never have left me_ I think and bite down on her lip hard, tug at it, make her whimper and _good_. I kiss her fiercely, letting her feel all my anger and the way she just hurt me so bad but Naomi slowly framing my face with her hands, slows the kisses down, pulling away a bit and stroking my cheeks with her long fingers and its just _too much_. I wrap my arms around her back and hold her close to me, angling my neck up so I can kiss her properly and Naomi sighs into my lips something that sounds like _yes_. Her fingers move around to slide through my hair, twining her fingers in it and pulling me closer if that's even possible.

When we finally have to catch our breath, we lean our foreheads against each other and she's breathing out just as I'm breathing in and I whisper, "It can't be this easy, Naomi."

She pulls away slightly and says, "I know, Ems. God, I know, okay? I just, I can't even imagine not being with you. I am so _sorry_."

I feel tears well up in my eyes because if only she'd felt this way a month ago then we wouldn't be here now. I don't remind her how much she's hurt me because I think she knows, "Naomi, its not like I don't still feel something for you, I think you know I do but…I don't see how this is going to work, okay?"

Her mouth turns down, "Emily please don't _say_ that."

She looks so gutted that I reach out and take her hand, "I'm not being mean, okay? I just, God there's been so much between us already."

Naomi squeezes my hand slightly, "That's why I'm sure this can work. I mean, after everything we've been through and I can still feel _this much_ and so can you. That means something, don't you think?"

She's right, I know. I mean, if I can still want her so much even after everything she's put me through… But I shake my head, "Is there a point really? I mean you'll just be _leaving_ again at the end of the summer." My voice breaks on the word "leaving" and it comes out sounding entirely too bitter.

Naomi winces but then she reaches for my other hand, "That's something I wanted to tell you actually. I talked to my mom and she and my grandfather have agreed that I can stay here."

I pull away a bit, "Naomi, don't say stuff like that if you don't mean it."

Naomi smiles, "I do mean it though. I've already enrolled in your college and everything."

"But…what about London? I mean your life there?"

She shakes her head, "Is no kind of life without you. I'm staying with my grandfather which works out because he still needs someone there to keep an eye on him and I need a place to stay in Bristol."

"You've actually thought about this then?"

"Emily, I've thought of nothing else over the past month. Christ, do you know how hard it was not being with you?"

I feel my eyes well up again with tears and I'm just so _tired_ of feeling bad and crying and hoping, "Yeah, actually I do."

Naomi starts to apologize again, "I'm sor…"

But I interrupt her by placing my finger on her lips, "Stop, alright? I know you're sorry. I just don't know what that means for us."

She kisses my finger lightly and then with a smile says, "Us?"

I sigh, "Naomi I'm not going to say again how bad you hurt me because I think you know but there was never a point where I didn't wish that you would just come back…I mean there was never a point where I didn't want _you_. So if you want to know if there is hope then I'd say that yeah there is but it's not going to be easy. I might need some time."

"Time?"

"Yeah, like we need to take it slow…really slow, okay?"

Naomi nods slowly and smiles shyly at me, "Slow can be good, I can do slow. So where does that leave us now, though?"

I smile back at her a little and it feels like the first genuine smile I've had in a while, "I think now that means you ask me out on a date."

**Naomi's POV:**

Katie answers the phone with a short, "What?"

I feel a bit awkward now that I'm actually talking to her but I take a deep breath, "Hey, Katie."

"What do you want, Naomi?"

"Well, I asked your sister out on a date."

She surprises me by saying, "Yeah, I know she told me."

"She told you?"

"Yeah, yesterday after you twats walked home all lovey dovey and I fussed at her for running off like that, she told me that you two were going to give it another go."

I smile at that because Emily hadn't necessarily said she was going to give us another shot but that we'd "see" how things went. I try to tamp down my happiness so I can get around to what I actually called Katie for, "Okay, so…the sad fact is I've never actually been on a date…like a real one."

Katie lets out a short burst of laughter, "Fuck me, you're _well_ pathetic aren't you?"

I roll my eyes, "Yes, Katie, I'm obviously pathetic. Now will you stop being such a twat and help me figure out what to do?"

Katie stops laughing abruptly, "I don't think this should come from me, you know? Like, figure out something that would make Emily happy and then do that, don't fucking like call _me_ and ask what you should do for her. Jesus."

"Yeah, I mean _obviously_ but Christ…I guess I'm just really nervous."

Katie takes some sort of pity on me because she says, "Yeah…well, Ems likes that park over near our house, okay? She always goes there to like sit and read whatever so…like do something with that."

"Thanks, Katie."

I can practically hear her roll her eyes, "Yeah, whatever, just don't fuck it up, okay?" I wait for the _again_ to come but it doesn't and I realize Katie isn't as big a bitch as I might've imagined her to be.

With that she hangs up and I look up in the mirror at what has to be the fifth outfit I've tried on. I narrow my eyes back at the mirror, "Shit."

Katie picks up on like the first ring, "Damnit, Naomi, I'm like fucking watching T.V. okay? And if this is about your sodding little date I'll…"

I interrupt her quickly, "No..I mean, yeah it is but…I need something to wear, all my clothes I have with me are shit."

Katie snorts, "Babe, I hate to tell you….wait, scratch that. I live to tell you, _all_ your clothes are shit."

I look dejectedly into my closet; they're not _that _bad are they? "So…"

"Christ, I'm never going to finish this programme because _obviously_ we need to go shopping."

"Shopping?"

"Fuck me, I don't even know why I bother."

--

Later-- much later because as it turns out, shopping with Katie is like an _all_ day thing—Katie holds a top up to me and just grunts and puts it back on the rack. I protest, "What was wrong with that one?" Because honestly it would be great if she'd just pick something out.

She darts over to another rack, "Absolutely nothing if you like the hobo look. Which you obviously do, which is why I'm here to rescue you from fashion disaster."

I glance down at my watch, "Not that I'm not grateful and everything but I'm supposed to pick Emily up in like an hour and a half and I think being on time is gonna mean more than what I'm wearing."

Katie shoves another top at me and smiles, "Jesus, you really have never been on a date, have you? What you're wearing is _always_ important." She steps back and glares at my legs for a second, "This would be much easier if you weren't so fucking tall."

I look down at myself, "I'm not _that_ tall."

She holds a skirt out and looks at it critically, "Yeah, right, it's like trying to dress the fucking BFG. Except bitchier and with bigger ears."

She grabs my wrist and pulls me towards the dressing rooms and I ask, "The what?"

With that she stops, "Uh, the Big Friendly Giant? The children's book?" When she sees I have no bloody clue what she's talking about she sighs, "Jesus, only one of the best books ever"

I shrug and then look down at what she's got in her hands, "I'm so not wearing that."

She grins at me, looking like a shark, "Oh trust me babe, you so are."

**Emily's POV**:

I walk in the house and immediately see Mum sitting on the sofa, watching the telly. I lean against the doorframe and she looks up at me with a sad smile, "Hullo, love. Didn't expect you home, are you hungry? Do you want me to fix you something?"

I sigh and walk further into the room because it would be so much easier to be mad at her, to hate her for reacting the way she did but I just _can't_. I walk over and sit down next to her on the sofa and with the remote, switch off the T.V.

Mum turns and looks at me, "Is everything alright?"

I look down at my hands instead of looking at her, "Well, J.J. broke up with me."

Immediately she wraps an arm around me, "Oh, Emily. I'm sorry, dear. Are you ok?"

I force myself to look up at her, "Yeah, actually I'm ok with him breaking up with me because I was just lying to myself when I was with him."

I feel her arm stiffen around my back and she sighs out, "Emily…"

"No, Mum, I'm trying to just talk to you right now, okay? I wasn't happy with him."

She gives me a look like I don't understand anything at all, "Ok, Emily but you'll find someone else."

"That's the thing, Mum, I've already found someone else and I think you know that."

That's when she takes her arm from around my back and it feels like a rejection even though it shouldn't.

"Emily, you're young…confused, you don't know what you're doing."

I feel angry words in the back of my throat and I have to swallow them, I _know_ what I am. I know what I'm not. But I know this must be hard for her, it isn't what she expected, hell, I didn't even expect it but now I know it with a certainty that I would stake my life on, "Mom, I'm gay, alright? That thing with Naomi this summer, that wasn't just a faze or an experiment okay? I've liked girls for a long time now but I've just been scared to tell you and Dad. Tell anyone really. And I'm sorry for the way you had to find out, springing it on you like that but I won't be sorry for who I am, what I am."

When I look over at her, Mum lets out a harsh sob and buries her face in her hands. I feel horrible, making my mum cry like this but I'm not going to back down, not this time.

"Mum, don't you want me to be happy?"

Her voice is muffled coming from her tears and her hands but she says, "Of course I do, Emily but you don't know how the world can be." She raises her head and meets my eyes, "People are going to judge you and hate you. How am I supposed to protect you from that? And God Emily, what about children and a wedding…"

I interrupt her, "Mum, I can still have all that, okay?"

She bites down hard on her bottom lip and I smile a bit because never did I think my mum would remind me of Naomi. "I'm just scared for you, Emily."

I reach out and take her hand in mine, "I'm not, Mum. Because I have you and I know that no matter what spats we have or how much you may want to pull your hair out because of me, you'll always be there for me. That's why the world and judge mental people don't scare me so bad…because I'll always have you."

Mum makes a strangled noise back in her throat and looks at me with tear filled eyes, "I don't know if I'll be able to accept this, Emily. But I'm going to try, okay? Christ…I'm going to try."

It's not the Kodak moment that they show in films or on telly but for some reason this means more, that she has misgivings but because she loves me she's going to try. I lean over and kiss her cheek and then wrap my arms around her shoulders and wait for her to wrap her arms around me as well.

**Naomi's POV:**

I hesitate a second before reaching forward and ringing the doorbell. I hear the chimes echo inside the house and I reach up to make sure my hair is okay. Christ, I don't think I've ever been this nervous in my entire life.

The door swings open suddenly, surprising me and I jerk back a bit, especially seeing as I'm confronted with Emily's mum. And…well last time I saw her I was wearing just my knickers and she was throwing me—quite literally-- out of her house.

She purses her lips when she sees me but then smoothes out the frown a bit, "Naomi…"

I gulp, "Hi, Mrs. Fitch."

To my utter surprise, she nudges the door open a bit more and jerks her head towards the inside of her house. It's not completely lovely and like sunshine and rainbows but it's a start. I edge past her, feeling her eyes on me.

"Listen, Naomi. I'm going to try and understand this…for Emily. I apologize for the way I reacted but with the circumstances…"

She trails off a bit embarrassedly and I decide to save her since she is being a bit nicer, "About that Mrs. Fitch, I also apologize, not only for that night because it was disrespectful to betray your trust by dodging the truth and sneaking around but also because of the way I left earlier this summer. You have to know…I, I really care for your daughter and I'm going to try and make it up."

A ghost of a smile flits across her lips, "If I thought any different you wouldn't be standing here, inside my house right now."

I nod slowly, "Yeah I figured."

She nods back at me and it feels as if we've reached a shaky understanding. She then turns and walks upstairs calling, "Emily…Naomi's here."

I see Emily come out of her room and when she passes her mum in the hallway she lays a hand on her shoulder and mouths, _thanks_ to her. When she turns to descend the stairs I'm struck by just how _gobsmackingly_ beautiful she is. I mean, she's just wearing dark trousers and a button up plaid shirt that's slightly falling open, revealing a white top underneath but _Christ_…I can practically feel my mouth drop open just seeing her.

Emily's eyes are smiling by the time she reaches me so I imagine I must look a bit like a silly idiot but I really don't care because anything to put that look back into Emily's eyes is worth it a thousand times over.

She moves in close to me and looks me up and down slowly and then lets out a low whistle. I feel my cheeks heat up.

"Your clothes…" She starts and then stops to look again.

So of course I start blathering like an idiot, "Well…Katie picked them out because I didn't think my clothes were appropriate because when I packed for here I was in a bit of a rush and I haven't gone to get the rest of my stuff yet and I just thought that I might want to look nice but if you don't like it we can pop round to mine and I can change, I just…"

Emily pushes her hand against my mouth, effectively stopping me, "You look amazing," she says simply, like it's a fact and not so much just a compliment.

I tug down on my skirt which is kind of shorter than I'm used to and it's black which I don't usually wear and it matches with the top that Katie picked out and the heels and the tights…I was afraid I'd overdone it but Emily seems to like it.

As we walk out the door something in me clenches at the way Emily casually takes my hand and threads her fingers through mine as we walk away from her house. I give her hand a small squeeze and she looks up at me with a small smile on her face.

"So where are we going," she asks.

I pull her towards Grandfather Walts car that is parked along the curb, "Sort of a surprise."

She looks at the car and then back at me, holding back just a bit, "How far away are we going? Because I have to be home…you know, like sometime tonight."

I roll my eyes and walk over to open her door for her, "Don't worry, we're not going far. I'm not planning on kidnapping you or anything."

She slides past me and into the car, "I probably wouldn't say no even if you were," she says with a wink and I have to repeat _take it slow, take it slow, take it slow_, in my head so that I don't lean down and snog the hell out of her.

--

I make Emily close her eyes when we reach the park because I don't want her knowing where we're going just yet, she obliges with a small smirk on her face. "Stay here," I say as sternly as I can muster and then hop out of the car, pulling the basket and blanket out of the boot.

Once everything is set up and I walk back to her side of the car to help her get out, I can see that Emily is getting a bit impatient to know what her little surprise is so I reach out, grab her hand, and help her get out of the car.

I put my hands over her eyes and walk behind her. She leans into me, letting me guide her and it makes my heart clench because in some way, some how she still does trust me to keep her safe even though I've done exactly the opposite of that in the past.

I uncover her eyes with a flourish and say, "Tada!"

I watch Emily's face as she looks down at the picnic I brought with us. I know, a picnic at nighttime seems a bit silly and I probably went overboard with the flowers and the wine and lighting a fucking candle but the way that Emily's cheeks flush a bit and her eyes widen is enough to tell me I did the right thing.

"Naomi this is…" She falters off as if she's at odds on how to describe _this_.

I take her hand and pull her so she's sitting down with me on the blanket, "Look, I know we're taking it slow so I mean, you can think of this as like a friendly date if you want. Nothing has to happen or anything, I mean…not that I would object but just spending time with you is really all I need actually."

Emily swallows hard and I'm starting to think that maybe having a romantic picnic doesn't exactly send out "this is a friendly little date" signals and that maybe we should've just gone to a film or something but suddenly Emily reaches forward and grabs the collar of my shirt. She jerks me forward so suddenly I knock over the bottle of wine (but it's closed anyways) and her lips are on mine before I can even process it. Her hands hold onto my collar as if she needs to hold me close and I want to tell her, _I'm not going anywhere_ but instead I scoot closer and wrap my arms around her back, holding her back just as tightly.

The kisses are short searing ones that burn my lips and make me go completely flushed within only a few minutes. Emily pulls apart for air or maybe because she's feeling everything I am. I lean my forehead against hers, still swept away, "Christ…If that's your version of taking it _slow_…"

She shakes her head against mine, "I know…I know. It's just…" Then she shrugs like words can't describe.

I bring my hand up to stroke the side of her face, "Don't worry, Ems. I know _exactly_ what you mean."


	18. Chapter 18

***A/N: This will be the last chapter of this fic, I want to thank you all so much for reading/reviewing and hopefully you'll be reading some more of my stuff in the future***

**Letters To Emily: Chapter 18**

**Emily's POV:**

Naomi sighs and lies down on the sofa, her head in my lap. My hand slides into her hair like she must've known it would based on the small smile on her lips.

"Holy shit, I can't believe she just said that. What a bitch," she says talking about the show on the telly.

A smile ghosts my lips, "At first you said 'it'll be a cold day in hell that I watch Gossip Girl.' And now you're totally into it, you know?"

She rolls her eyes, "Fucking _no_, okay? It's still degrading towards women, makes us look like sex objects."

"You like it," I say in a sing song, teasing her.

"Whatever," she grumbles, "You're the one that like forced me to watch it."

"Oh such a baby," I say trying to keep a smile in at how cute she looks when she's like fucking pouting.

We continue watching the screen as Nate and Blair break up and I feel a strange sadness settle in my heart, not because of the show but because I'm thinking _they're like fucking teenagers, did they really expect to be together forever?_ My fingers stop sliding through Naomi's hair because even though these past weeks have been wonderful and light and happy, what happens when she leaves me again? I didn't handle it so well the first time and I don't think I could survive it again.

Naomi's soft voice breaks through my thoughts, "Ems?"

I look down at her and she's looking up at me with questions written on her face. "Alright," she asks.

I nod my head but I'm really not because just thinking about losing her has made my eyes sting. And it's like, how _can_ this work? It's too raw and lovely and bound to break my heart.

Naomi sits up swiftly and grabs the remote, turning off the T.V. "Emily," she says softly, "Look at me."

I turn to look at her and she's just so fucking _lovely_. I dash at my eyes with the back of my hands because I thought I was done crying about this, about _us_ and its so fucking ridiculous that I'm at it again, especially when things are good…no _great._

"I'm fine," I say but it's so untrue and totally an obvious lie because my voice comes out harsh as fuck.

"You're an awful liar," she murmurs affectionately and taps my nose with one of her slender fingers.

The affectionate gesture makes me smile shakily and in a completely unexpected move and with passion that surprises even me, I grip the back of her neck and pull her swiftly to me. When we kiss, its perfect and my mind doesn't have time to question, to worry about the future because feeling her smile against me, feeling her fingers tangle in my hair, her breath quicken…all that chases my fears away.

My kiss is possessive and I feel her tremble against me and when we break she doesn't go far, instead she leans into me, her forehead against mine, "Christ Ems."

"I can't…" I start. "I can't lose you again, okay? I just…I couldn't take it."

She grips my hand and presses it close to her chest and before I can ask what she's doing she says, "That's what you do, okay?"

Then I focus on my hand and feel her heart beating swiftly beneath my fingertips, "You do that," she continues, "and sometimes its just like…seeing you or the way you tilt your head when you smile and that's _all_ it fucking takes, Ems. I'm here, okay? I'm so far in this I can't imagine being anywhere else. I'm not going _anywhere_, okay?"

I nod, feeling a large lump forming my throat for no apparent reason. Naomi continues, "This can work. We can work okay?"

I nod again and try to force that lump in my throat down, "Okay," I say.

She smiles gently, "That wasn't a question, you twat. I'm _telling_ you. This will work."

With that Naomi unfolds her limbs and rises from the couch, she leans down and kisses me gently on the head, "I'm going to get some tea. I'll bring you a cup, okay?"

I sit on the couch while she walks to the kitchen, feeling like I'm going to cry again for some unknown reason. I get up after a few moments and follow her in the kitchen where she's leaning into cupboards, getting out the kettle. I lean against the doorframe, watching her move and wonder at how I can feel _this much_ for someone. She turns around and catches me watching and throws a wink at me.

_Some things just aren't supposed to make sense_, I think as I walk up to her, one hand out, pushing her into the counter.

My lips are upon hers and she mutters in between kisses, "God I love you so much."

Then again, some things make all the sense in the world.

**Naomi's POV:**

Emily's made it up in her mind that we're to enjoy the rest of the summer in fervor. Our days are spent at our lake, reading, talking, or just laying on the blanket, watching the sun as it dances between the leaves of the trees. The nights fade away to dancing and sometimes drinking. We get a bit silly, twining into each other as the songs change and the people around us press too close. It doesn't matter. She's all that matters. She winks when she presses her bum against me and dances slowly and suggestively and I have to remind myself that we're taking things _slow_ and that snogging someone in a club is one of those stupid love-struck things that I just _don't do_. But despite all good intentions I usually end up spinning her round to face me and I get that it's a bit of a game, seeing how long it takes me to trap her lips beneath mine because she always smiles at how it doesn't take me long _at all_ until I just have to kiss her.

One day we're in the park on a bench, just watching people with dogs, trying to get them to obey with _sit_ and _stay_, when really all they want to do is run around and sniff other dog's arses. Emily's got a can of cider in her hand and she's leaning into my arm, making it warm.

"Have you talked to your mum recently," she asks and I get that it's not just a casual question.

I laugh and flick the ash of my cigarette onto the concrete below us, "Yeah actually. She's got a bloody boyfriend if you can believe it. I told her it was the 17 year old daughter that had been throwing off her game and she didn't exactly correct me."

Emily laughs and then cuts her eyes towards me, "You must miss her."

I lift my arm she's leaning on, causing her to slide into me even more, and wrap it around her shoulders, "Yeah, but…its not like London is worlds away. I'm going to go visit in a week or so. You should come, you know? My mum likes you."

"She likes me? I would think she would hate me for taking you away."

I consider this for a long moment. Emily takes a sip of her cider and in the end I just end up saying, "To be honest I think she likes you for giving me back to her."

Emily looks up at me, puzzling over this until her face breaks out into a smile. "Cool," she says.

I press a kiss to her hair before I can think about how sappy it is.

--

Later that night we go out and as we dance to a slow song, warm from alchopops but not drunk, Emily presses into me and I wrap my arms around her back. "School starts tomorrow," she murmurs against my shoulder.

"What a joyous distraction it'll be having you in my classes," I joke, "I'm sure my marks will descend accordingly."

She rolls her eyes, "Please, you're brilliant."

A loud pop song cuts out the slow one and with a cheer people begin jumping up and bouncing around and normally Emily and I would be right there with them but instead she looks up at me and shouts, "Can we just…I wanna go home."

I touch her cheek and lean down to talk in her ear because this music is fucking loud. "Right, guess I better get you home before you turn into a pumpkin."

She frowns at that for a second but takes my hand and pulls me out of the club. The brisk breeze hits me as we walk out and Emily shivers before I wrap my arm around her, "Come on," I say, "I'll walk you home."

She shakes her head briefly, "I…I don't want to go home."

"But, you just said…"

"I told my mum I was staying over Pandora's," she says and a blush crosses her cheeks and because I'm thick as fuck sometimes, I try and figure out what she wants me to do, walk her to Pandora's? And then it hits me and my cheeks flush too.

"Right, so you don't want to go home…" I say stupidly.

She smiles and decides to save me obviously, "I want to go home, Naomi but I want to go home with _you_."

"Oh," I say.

"Is it too late to take back that remark I made about you being brilliant," she asks with a smile.

I roll my eyes at her and when I gesture for a taxi--because fuck if we're taking the time to walk, I want to get home as fast as possible now—I realize my hands are shaking a bit.

--

Emily watches me fumble with my keys for a second until she sighs out, "Fucking hell…" and takes them from me, swiftly unlocking the door and pulling me inside. We're kissing as soon as we're into the house, she's pushing me against the wall and her hands are already pulling my shirt out of my skirt. "Fuck, Ems. At least let me close the fucking door."

She steps away quickly, like she has to tear herself away from me. I'm breathing quickly and so is she as I pull the door shut and turn back to her, "Upstairs, okay?" I say and she rolls her eyes like _obviously_ before taking my hand and leading me upstairs.

Once inside my room, Emily traps me against the wall again with her clever lips and her clever fingers and God…oh _Christ_. I'm pretty sure I moan that aloud because I hear Emily whisper, "_Yes_," in my ear and her breathing is ragged, little gasps and moans that slip from her lips as I kiss down her neck and capture her earlobe in me teeth and I've never thought about how _breathing_ could be fucking sexy as hell.

Her lips find mine again and she tugs at my bottom lip with her teeth before separating completely and gasping out, "Bed."

"Oh yes," I say but she's already pulling me backwards so I'm thinking it wasn't really a question.

I push her down onto the bed, _hard_, and it surprises me as much as it does her but I'm swinging my legs over hers before she even properly settles, hiking up my skirt, feeling her trousers against my bare thighs. She leans up, propping on her elbows to kiss me again and I slide my hands round her back, pulling her up more. Her shirt is some silky material that looked lovely on her tonight but right now I want that fucking top _gone_. I tug impatiently at the bottom for a second and she lifts up her arms, obligingly as I slide it over her head.

I lean down to kiss her again but she pulls away with a grin, "You too," she says pulling at my top. Once my shirt is gone she flips us over swiftly and I smile when she leans down to kiss me and they're rough kisses, our mouths slanting past each others and then disconnecting as we breathe each other in. I feel her fingers slide up my thigh and then she's cupping me through my knickers and I let out one shaky breath, feeling her smile against my neck.

Her fingers start moving gently and even though there is material between where they _really_ need to be, I can't help it as my hips start rocking against her lovely fingers and I really can't help it as I groan out loud. God I've missed this. I've wanted this. I need this.

But thinking about how this went down last time or more specifically how she…went down last time, I feel myself grow incredibly wet at the thought that comes into my head. With a moan I roll us over and she lets out a little squeal and I think she's about to protest until I lean down and kiss her relentlessly. When we finally pull away for air, I murmur, "Your turn."

I see her eyes widen in confusion and then widen again as she gets my meaning. She licks her lips for a second and I swear to God, even in the moonlight I can see her pupils dilate. "Are you sure," she asks, "You don't have to if you don't want to."

"Emily," I say as I pop open the button on her trousers, "I'm going to do this until you fucking beg me to stop."

She whimpers when I pull off her trousers and again as my fingers hook into her knickers and slide them down and off her legs.

Her whimpers turn into a loud groan when I lean forward and take my first taste. I pull away for a second, "If you're going to be too loud, muffle it in a pillow or something, yeah? My grandpa's like almost deaf but I get the feeling you're going to be incredibly loud…"

She rolls her eyes at me and just puts her hand on the back of my head, tangling her fingers in my hair and she doesn't have to push me at all to go back for another taste…and another…and another. Even though she rolled her eyes at me a second ago, she tilts her head to the side, pressing it into my pillow and it's slightly ridiculous that even I'm close just hearing her trying to be quiet and failing marvelously at it.

When Emily comes its with fingers tangled in my hair and it almost hurts but it doesn't stop me, doesn't make me pause because why the fuck wouldn't someone want to do this because it's the best thing ever, making her feel like this, making her twist beneath me and shove her face in my pillow.

My name slips from her lips in a sigh as her body arches beneath me and it has to be the best sound I've ever heard. I lean away and smile down at her for a second, watching her as she stops trembling and when she looks up at me with those lovely brown eyes, my smile gets even wider.

It stays on my face until she pulls me down and whispers against my lips, "_Now_ it's your turn."

**Emily's POV**:

When we walk into school, Naomi threads her finger through mine and I feel people looking at us but it's surprisingly okay. Because Naomi is there to glare them down and her fingers feel so real and reassuring that I'm thinking _Fuck it. Let them look_, as I pull her in for a kiss and I hear Katie behind us saying, "Christ you two, like keep it in your fucking pants for a second."

Later that day I'm waiting outside class, leaning against the lockers as Naomi talks to one of the professors about her school work before she moved to Bristol. I barely hear Effy glide up next to me and lean with me against the lockers.

She looks through the window that's in front of us where Naomi is animatedly talking about like politics or something, I can tell from the way her hands gesture and the way she's smiling when she's talking.

"She making you happy then," Effy asks quietly next to me.

I glance over her and she's so _thin_ and wearing ripped up trousers and she just looks like a beautiful devastated mess.

"Yeah, she is," I say.

Effy just grunts and tips her head smiling at me. "Isn't love beautiful," she says a bit snarkily.

She shoves away from the lockers and starts to walk away but I reach out and grip her wrist, "It really is, Ef."

She snorts but I continue, "You can fix it, Effy. He still loves you, you know?"

"I'm bound to fuck it up, Ems," she says blandly, sounding as worried as she ever does.

"So apologize," I say lifting one shoulder.

"I _will _fuck up, Emily."

"So apologize again."

She shakes my head, annoyed with my logic.

"Effy, is he worth it? Is the way he makes you feel worth it?"

She looks at me sharply, "Those feelings never last, they can't."

I look back through the window and smile fondly at Naomi involved in her discussion, "Yeah but sometimes they do."

I watch as Effy just tilts her head and stares at me for a moment but then she turns and walks away and with a certainty that lingers in my chest I just _know_ she's gone to find Freddie.

--

Naomi and I lay together on her bed, tangled up in each other, her skin soft against mine.

"I think I could love you forever," I say while kissing her shoulder.

I can hear the smile in her voice, "You _think_?"

She rolls over to face me and I've never seen her face this soft or this happy, like everything in the world…all the bad shit she's always worrying about doesn't even matter anymore. I immediately decide that I'll do whatever I can to keep her this happy.

I roll my eyes, "Okay so I _know_. Better?"

"I snore," she says with a smile curving her lips.

"Oh trust me babes, I _know_."

"Still love me?"

"Yep."

"Alright then," she says while twining our fingers together, "I don't like cats."

I laugh, "You mean except for mine?"

She furrows her brow for a second, "But you haven't got a…Ohhhh, well classy Emily."

"Look," I say, placing my finger over her lips, "I love you, okay? Even though you put too much milk in your tea and hog the covers and steal my chips…"

"Hold on, now, I do _not _steal your chips."

"Well what would you call it then?"

She rolls her eyes, "Like any good couple, Emily. We _share_."

She pushes me gently onto my back and hovers over me before leaning down and placing a kiss on my lips. When she pulls away she whispers, "Good thing you _think_ you could love me forever because I'm pretty sure I'll love you forever too."

"Pretty sure," I ask with a smile on my lips.

"Alright, I'm fucking _positive_. Satisfied?"

Her fingers slide up my thigh at an alarming rate with that statement and I gasp. She smirks down at me and I manage to choke out, "Not yet but I'm sure we're getting there."

She smiles and rolls her eyes yet again and its just so _Naomi_ that I have to pull her down for another kiss.

"Forever," she murmurs against my lips.

"Yeah…always," I murmur back.

**The End**


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